Scary Situation

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, on the left

A situation

(no, not THAT situation) has arisen at our apartment complex.

WE are being audited by the state.  Vewy vewy scawy!!

DH is so nervous about it, he has been cleaning his head off.  (ewwww, a horrible image, sorry!!   Maybe I should have said like a chicken with its head chopped off? Is that better?)   I mean, more than usual.  I’m ashamed to say, I’m much more lazy about it.

I have decluttered a few items. Like, maybe 2??  What do you expect, I’m a slob, remember???

He decluttered the master closet, and organized.  Then he cleaned everything off the floor!! It looks fabulous in there!! I wish I had taken before pix, so I could show you before, and after, unfortunately, as stated before, I’m lazy. So….. no pix.  ( Bad blogger!)

Also, he worked on the big bookcase in the master.  It looks like a bookcase now!!  Before, it looked like a slob had just thrown random stuff up in air, and it landed there. Hmmmmm, wonder how that could’ve happened??

 

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DH is now XH, and he is STILL helping me clean, and organize!       And move!       And take care of the grandbabies!       And……..  so on, and so on.

Bandanna Ways, Reprise

Okay, the votes are in.

Not an accurate graphic, but I had to borrow one, since I don’t know how to create my own.  A terrible failing on my part.  I’m so ashamed.

(And in at least 1 case that I know of, the double votes are in!  Thanks for confessing Michelle.  I forgive you, but your penance is to write, I will not cheat by double voting for my favorite bandanna style, 200 x.  Oops, is my teacher voice coming out again??)

Drum roll please.  (Long pause while I go hunt up the drum someone who shall remain nameless, cough, cough, Grandmama gave to a certain little person.)

Okay, here’s the eagerly awaited results.  (Are you on pins and needles of suspense??  How much longer can I draw this out before the big reveal???)

Ta Da!!

Aunt Jemima it is, by a landslide!!

(Jan C. I’ll see what I can do about making sure Willie reappears sometime!)

Oh, look! there he is now!!

duck lips, beard and all

You will be seeing more of Aunt Jemima, I promise.

Pudding Pop’s Party

Pudding Pop has added a new hobby to her favorites.

Let’s see if you can guess what it is.

Today’s Phrase:

_udding   _o_’s   _redawn    _oo_     _ainting     _arty

 

Let’s see… it has to be a consonant….

Let’s try a “P” in there!

That’s what I’m talking about- a purple “P”!!

 

 

Pudding Pop’s Predawn …..

Yup! Got it in one!!

How do you make a 1 year old clean THAT up??

 

 

 

Aren’t you just soooo glad you read this today???

Costume for the Purple Slob

Now that I have established my role as The Purple Slob, it’s time to figure out my costume.

Hi, I’m Melinda.   Yes, the real me in my real bathroom.

First, I think I need a purple bandanna.

Why purple? Duh, I think the reason’s obvious.

Why a bandanna? Because I don’t think an eggplant would stay on my head.

Okay, got made the bandanna.

Now the question remains:  How do I wear it?

Like:

Nony from ASlobComesClean.com?

Willie from Duck Dynasty?

 I thought this one was hysterically funny!!!

Spike from Motorcycle Gang?

Aunt Jemima from Syrup?

Could I cram any more pix of me into 1 post????

Anyhoo, time for you to vote, America.

Which way should I wear it??

Blam!

There we all were, serenely enjoying our day as usual.  DH watching TV, DD1 on her smartphone, me on the laptop, and PP playing with a toy empty box.  Out of nowhere, it struck like lightening!

Darkness!  The TV went blank, the phone went dark, the laptop went blue screen.

Wails of disbelief soon  crescendoed into screams of panic.  “NOOOOOOO!”  Then chants of despair, “No, no, no, no, no!”

Shell shocked, we glanced at one another with despair in our eyes.  What had just happened to our lives as we knew them???

DD1 rushed into the next room, desperately trying to reboot the modem.  Nothing, nada, zip, zilch.

Already shaky with DTs, we huddled together for comfort.  Only PP went on playing, happily unaware of how barren life had become in an instant.

With questioning eyes, we murmured meaninglessly to each other.  Trying to silence the pain, murmuring meaningless platitudes.

Hysterically, we sought answers.  How could this have happened to us?  What would be our next step?  Would we be able to hang on until something was figured out???

Slowly, a horrible realization seeped into my memory.  I might, just possibly, maybe, quite probably be responsible for this catastrophe.  A certain utility bill may or may not have been lost under a certain pile of clutter, important paperwork,

Um, yeah, bills, some paid, some… not so much

 

and may or may not have been paid.  Oh My Goodness, I was the one responsible for this horrendous devastation.

Now what do I??  Do I just keep on questioning what happened with the others?  Do I quietly go in the other room and hide under the bed?? No, that won’t work, it isn’t 4 feet off the floor.  Dare I confess, and prepare to be stoned?

DD1 was the first to turn on me accusingly.  “Mom, did you pay the bill?”

I stammered, “Ummmmmmm, umm, I did! I paid it!”  (leaving out the tiny detail, fact that I last paid it 2 months ago.)

“But when you did you pay it? This month?”

Drat that girl, she’s too smart for my own good.

To be continued...

 

 

 

(Kudos Michelle for editorial assist.)

Looking for the light of my life

Isn’t my chandelier gorgeous?

Wait, what? You don’t see it?  C’mon now, all true believers will be able to see it.  Now, do you see it?  It’s the same color as the Emperor’s New Clothes.

This is serious, folks, I’m desperately seeking illumination on the situation.  So I’ve decided to post a Light Wanted ad.

Me: Empty Light socket seeking the one who completes me, for long term committed relationship.

You: Full figured crystal chandelier, any height, any age, as long as you’re legal to leave your factory.  Color of metal doesn’t matter.  Must love shining down on romantic dinners, sparkling in the sunlight, and wanting to have many small light bulbs in the future.

Me:Email me at needafixture@gmail.com, and let’s get this thing glowing.

This is what I want:

Waterford crystal So gorgeous!

 

 

 

(Too grand?? I do think I live in a palace, ya know.)

Does anyone have any unattached chandelier friends looking for that special wiring set up??

Shattered

I’m shattered to report a triumvirate  meeting of tile floor, purse, and glass.  (yes, grownup glass glass.  How do I have any of those left??)  It was a splintered outcome.

 

wikimediacommons

Of course, then I couldn’t walk barefoot.      

Yep, ma barefeetz

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, I sat down in my trusty recliner, while people less clumsy than me, swept, mopped, and generally de-disasterised.

A little afraid to let PP walk around barefoot, I wanted to cordon off the area.  Maybe I should have shuffled around the area first, but I was assured that all the glass was gone.  So far, so good.  I’ll keep you apprised of the situation.

Update:

I have been walking around barefoot, and no glass in my feet. YAY!!

PP has been walking around barefoot, and no glass in her feet.  Triple YAY!!!

🙂

All is well in my barefoot paradise.

Saturday I:

swept the living room.

Monday morning I:

mopped in front of the recliner and high chair.

Little jobs keep the house from being a total destruction zone.

(Of course, little jobs don’t make it a bed of roses either!  But, we can walk across the floor without sticking to it.  I’ll take it.)

Paperwork

Saturday a paperwork catastrophe  occurred.

The sequence of events:

Bubba went for an eye exam.

DH and I met him in the parking lot, and drove him to a restaurant, (due to the fact that he was, ya know, effectively blind.)

We sat down in a booth.

Bubba handed me his paperwork, including a prescription.

I put on MY reading glasses.

Read his paperwork.

Texted DD2 to find out what presbyopia meant.

Ate dinner.

Gave Bubba a present. Pair of readers.  Coincidentally, they were for his prescription, 1.75!! ( that was funny)

Left restaurant.

Drove away.

Realized paperwork was missing within 3 minutes.

Tried to pull a U-y,

but inconsiderate drivers in front of us in the turning lane refused to get out of the way.  What would a little head-on collision hurt?? Can’t they see we have a paperwork emergency here???  Rude.

DH went back into restaurant.

Came back to report paperwork had been thrown away.

Wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Darn rushing bus boys!

Ironically, while we sat in our booth, there were 3 dirty tables, the whole hour we were there.  But apparently, there is a little known clause in the bus boy code of conduct that states: “Do not clean off tables quickly, UNLESS customers left something of importance.  Then, you MUST clean it within 5 minutes, or your pay will be docked 5 %.”

So, poor Bubba was left paper, and prescription-less.  Thank goodness we gave him those readers, or he’d still be blind to this day!

Tubeless

Guess what I just saw an ad for?  Tubeless tp!!!!!!

What were they thinking??   What will they think of next???

How will we know when to change the roll, if there’s no tube to sit there empty for days???

How will school children everywhere make their Christmas crafts now???

What now? Tubeless tube tops??

Can you imagine her in any less?? Well, not going there!

 

The women who wear them are barely covered now!!  I do not want to see the re-invention of it without the tube!!

Think about it, what if they make tubeless inner tubes???

How will people get to the other end of the river???

Yay! Tubing on the river!

 

Or the bottom of the mountain, without skis??

There will be a world wide shortage of inner tubes.   All the river floaters, and snow floaters will panic, and begin trying to slide  or float on cardboard.  Many, many people will die!!

All the inner tube rental places will go out of business.  This will cause the economy to crash, and everyone who is still alive will starve to death.

This is serious people!!  The implications are global destruction.  Please write or call your Congressman,person today!   Demand they pass a law to stop companies from making this evil personified tubeless toilet paper.   If you delay, you will be the cause of the whole world’s demise.  Shame on you, and all because you are too lazy to change the roll when it’s empty.

Home Matter Linky Party #5

Here’s the Home Matters Button.

 

 

 

Every Wed.  Road to Domestication, Intelligent Domestications, and Flourishing at Home, host a Linky Party.  All 3 ladies are on Facebook.  It’s great! Go check it out, read some new blogs, and link up!

http://intelligentdomestications.com/2014/09/home-matters-linky-5.html

I know Kristen @ Road to Domestication personally.  She is the sweetest woman!!  And the busiest!  She’s married, has a full time job, and about 10 part time jobs, I think!!  Plus she cooks! (from scratch!!) That nominates her for a Good Housekeeping Seal in my book!

And she loves pumpkin time!!

Photo credit: Ruffin Gray

(Okay, maybe not the purple part, just the pumpkins!)

 

Enjoy reading new blogs, meeting new friends, and garnering fresh inspiration.

Go crazy!