Scary Situation

794px-Mike_Sorrentino,_Antonio_Bagnato_(6800392394)

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, on the left

A situation

(no, not THAT situation) has arisen at our apartment complex.

WE are being audited by the state.  Vewy vewy scawy!!

Florida_state_seal

DH is so nervous about it, he has been cleaning his head off.  (ewwww, a horrible image, sorry!!   Maybe I should have said like a chicken with its head chopped off? Is that better?)   I mean, more than usual.  I’m ashamed to say, I’m much more lazy about it.

I have decluttered a few items. Like, maybe 2??  What do you expect, I’m a slob, remember???

He decluttered the master closet, and organized.  Then he cleaned everything off the floor!! It looks fabulous in there!! I wish I had taken before pix, so I could show you before, and after, unfortunately, as stated before, I’m lazy. So….. no pix.  ( Bad blogger!)

Also, he worked on the big bookcase in the master.  It looks like a bookcase now!!  Before, it looked like a slob had just thrown random stuff up in air, and it landed there.  Hmmmmm, wonder how that could’ve happened??

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Bandanna Ways, Reprise

Okay, the votes are in.

Nuclear_energy_poll_europe

Not an accurate graphic, but I had to borrow one, since I don’t know how to create my own.  A terrible failing on my part.  I’m so ashamed.

(And in at least 1 case that I know of, the double votes are in!  Thanks for confessing Michelle.  I forgive you, but your penance is to write, I will not cheat by double voting for my favorite bandanna style, 200 x.  Oops, is my teacher voice coming out again??)

Drum roll please.  (Long pause while I go hunt up the drum someone who shall remain nameless, cough, cough, Grandmama gave to a certain little person.)

Tom-tom_12x8

Okay, here’s the eagerly awaited results.  (Are you on pins and needles of suspense??  How much longer can I draw this out before the big reveal???)

aunt jemimaTa Da!!

Aunt Jemima it is, by a landslide!!

(Jan C. I’ll see what I can do about making sure Willie reappears sometime!)

willieOh, look! there he is now!!

duck lips, beard and all

You will be seeing more of Aunt Jemima, I promise.

Pudding Pop’s Party

Pudding Pop has added a new hobby to her favorites.

Let’s see if you can guess what it is.

Today’s Phrase:

_udding   _o_’s   _redawn    _oo_     _ainting     _arty

 

Let’s see… it has to be a consonant….

Let’s try a “P” in there!

huge purple letter P

That’s what I’m talking about- a purple “P”!!

 

 

Pudding Pop’s Predawn …..

Yup! Got it in one!!

How do you make a 1 year old clean THAT up??

 

 

 

Aren’t you just soooo glad you read this today???

Costume for the Purple Slob

Now that I have established my role as The Purple Slob, it’s time to figure out my costume.

Hi, I’m Melinda.   Yes, the real me in my real bathroom.

me

First, I think I need a purple bandanna.

Why purple? Duh, I think the reason’s obvious.

Why a bandanna? Because I don’t think an eggplant would stay on my head.

Okay, got made the bandanna.

Now the question remains:  How do I wear it?

Like:

Nony from ASlobComesClean.com?

nony

Willie from Duck Dynasty?

willie I thought this one was hysterically funny!!!

Spike from Motorcycle Gang?

biker

Aunt Jemima from Syrup?

aunt jemima

Could I cram any more pix of me into 1 post????

Anyhoo, time for you to vote, America.

Which way should I wear it??

Blam!

There we all were, serenely enjoying our day as usual.  DH watching TV, DD1 on her smartphone, me on the laptop, and PP playing with a toy empty box.  Out of nowhere, it struck like lightening!

Darkness!  The TV went blank, the phone went dark, the laptop went blue screen.

Wails of disbelief soon  crescendoed into screams of panic.  “NOOOOOOO!”  Then chants of despair, “No, no, no, no, no!”

Shell shocked, we glanced at one another with despair in our eyes.  What had just happened to our lives as we knew them???

DD1 rushed into the next room, desperately trying to reboot the modem.  Nothing, nada, zip, zilch.

Already shaky with DTs, we huddled together for comfort.  Only PP went on playing, happily unaware of how barren life had become in an instant.

With questioning eyes, we murmured meaninglessly to each other.  Trying to silence the pain, murmuring meaningless platitudes.

Hysterically, we sought answers.  How could this have happened to us?  What would be our next step?  Would we be able to hang on until something was figured out???

Slowly, a horrible realization seeped into my memory.  I might, just possibly, maybe, quite probably be responsible for this catastrophe.  A certain utility bill may or may not have been lost under a certain pile of clutter, important paperwork,

slob, humor, paperwork

Um, yeah, bills, some paid, some… not so much

 

and may or may not have been paid.  Oh My Goodness, I was the one responsible for this horrendous devastation.

Now what do I??  Do I just keep on questioning what happened with the others?  Do I quietly go in the other room and hide under the bed?? No, that won’t work, it isn’t 4 feet off the floor.  Dare I confess, and prepare to be stoned?

DD1 was the first to turn on me accusingly.  “Mom, did you pay the bill?”

I stammered, “Ummmmmmm, umm, I did! I paid it!”  (leaving out the tiny detail, fact that I last paid it 2 months ago.)

“But when you did you pay it? This month?”

Drat that girl, she’s too smart for my own good.

To be continued...

 

 

 

(Kudos Michelle for editorial assist.)

Looking for the light of my life

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Isn’t my chandelier gorgeous?

Wait, what? You don’t see it?  C’mon now, all true believers will be able to see it.  Now, do you see it?  It’s the same color as the Emperor’s New Clothes.

This is serious, folks, I’m desperately seeking illumination on the situation.  So I’ve decided to post a Light Wanted ad.

Me: Empty Light socket seeking the one who completes me, for long term committed relationship.

You: Full figured crystal chandelier, any height, any age, as long as you’re legal to leave your factory.  Color of metal doesn’t matter.  Must love shining down on romantic dinners, sparkling in the sunlight, and wanting to have many small light bulbs in the future.

Me:Email me at needafixture@gmail.com, and let’s get this thing glowing.

This is what I want:

Waterford crystal chandelier

Waterford crystal So gorgeous!

 

 

 

(Too grand?? I do think I live in a palace, ya know.)

Does anyone have any unattached chandelier friends looking for that special wiring set up??

Shattered

I’m shattered to report a triumvirate  meeting of tile floor, purse, and glass.  (yes, grownup glass glass.  How do I have any of those left??)  It was a splintered outcome.

 

slob, humor, shattered glass

wikimediacommons

Of course, then I couldn’t walk barefoot.      

slob, humor, barefeet

Yep, ma barefeetz

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, I sat down in my trusty recliner, while people less clumsy than me, swept, mopped, and generally de-disasterised.

A little afraid to let PP walk around barefoot, I wanted to cordon off the area.  Maybe I should have shuffled around the area first, but I was assured that all the glass was gone.  So far, so good.  I’ll keep you apprised of the situation.

Update:

I have been walking around barefoot, and no glass in my feet. YAY!!

PP has been walking around barefoot, and no glass in her feet.  Triple YAY!!!

🙂

All is well in my barefoot paradise.

Saturday I:

swept the living room.

Monday morning I:

mopped in front of the recliner and high chair.

hi chair

Little jobs keep the house from being a total destruction zone.

(Of course, little jobs don’t make it a bed of roses either!  But, we can walk across the floor without sticking to it.  I’ll take it.)