And no, I’m not just bragging! Many people told me that! Besides my family, I mean!
- Grab ahold of an “OLD” person, well preferably one who is just on the cusp of becoming old.
2. Determine by whatever sneaky means you have to, their actual birthday.
3. Gather your party committee, preferably at least one who has money! (I left out the second part of this step, when planning with my Sis. This step is VITAL!!)
4. Plan a planning plan.
5. Dream up all kinds of diabolical old jokes, and ways to say, “Nanny, nanny, boo boo, you’re OLD!”
6. Gather old pictures of
7. Order huge poster with picture, proclaiming that the “Party is NOW OVER”, or “You’re Over the HILL”, or other cliche of choice.
8. Invite friends, and enemies – because they like to rub it in their face that the person is old!!
7. Buy lots of black food coloring.
8. Order the bread dyed black, at the bakery, ( I got ours at Publix.) I didn’t know they did this until I wanted pink for PP’s shower! So cool!!
9. Make photo collage of baby pictures, and thru the years pix. Make sure you only use the most embarrassing ones. A “swimming in the tub” naked one front and center is the preferred placement.
10. Buy lots of coffins, black roses, tombstones, crows, and black crepe paper as decorations. If your party is in Nov. or later, and you can score them at Michael’s for 90% off, you win!
11. Paint “Your Youth is Dead”, RIP ____”s Youth”, etc on the coffins. (Please do NOT procure any life size ones! A heart attack of the
victim honoree is NOT what you’re after! (Unless YOU are one of the aforementioned enemies…)
12. Make all black food. Suggestions: black deviled eggs,
black sandwiches, blackies (really brownies), tootsie rolls, licorice, cola drinks, black olives, devil’s food cake, etc. Let your imagination run wild! Just make sure it’s still edible, just looks nasty!! (Again, unless you’re one of the aforementioned ….)
13. Have glow sticks at the ready. Black lights would be even better! Make sure you’ve just whitened your teeth, if you choose blacklights.
14. Oh, I forgot to mention- keep it secret from the birthday person! Of course, since they’re approaching old age, they might forget, even if you told them. Use your own discretion.
15. Wait for the birthday person to arrive, and yell surprise! Oh, they didn’t show up?? You have to have someone bring them! Geez, I didn’t think I had to tell you EVERY little thing!
16. Make sure you have an AED unit, and someone who knows how to use it. Old people’s hearts don’t stand up well to surprises, ya know.
17. Have wheelchair or walker races. These are hilarious!
18. Photo booth. Have props, such as granny glasses, canes, white wigs, IV poles, etc.
19. Relay races, wearing huge slippers.
20. Stuff cotton is everyone’s ears and play telephone.
21. Let party person open presents. Make sure you have lots of old people products. Geritol, (do they even MAKE that anymore??), fake false teeth, hearing aids, tums, cane, reading glasses (unless they really DO wear glasses, then this is NOT funny, ask me how I know), memory pills- candy in a prescription bottle, labeled with person’s name, Take one every day for memory.
22. Light cake, have fire extinguisher at the ready. Brandishing it right in front of the cake, is best.
23. Make sure you have a photographer who is skilled in catching people looking their absolute worst. Then you can use these either as blackmail, or at their 50th birthday party!
24. Have fun!