Whoa, PETA! Before you arrest me, they weren’t alive in the first place! Whew! Had to make that perfectly clear!!
All the real animals from Melinda’s Menagarie are alive and well, to this day. (Unless the gators got one of the birds last night. But, we won’t think about that!)
It’s not my fault that I don’t like animals. Mama didn’t either. So, it’s her fault!!
Killing the cow was a deep impulse, driving me to do the dirty deed. Might have been a mistake too, I’m always out of butter and milk now!
Killing the cat was an act of compassion. Remember her broken leg? That’s what you do with horses, right? See, not my fault! I had to do it for her sake!!
Killing the elephant just had to be done. Deaths usually come in threes, so again, not my fault.
Besides looking hideous, he was suffering from osteoporosis! Evidence: how easily he shattered when
hurled, placed softly into the trash can!
Poor old elephant, just thrown away with the trash. Good riddance I say!