Menu Memes

Downloading these memes is getting down right addicting!   Somebody stop me!!     Today’s Word on the Street is Menu.   Look for the word Menu on this episode of PurpleSlobInRecovery.     Brought to you by the color purple.

bear with tongue out

add phones if too much water in your rice

This one is hysterical!!

raisin cookies that look like chocolate chips reason for trust issues

Amiright???

memories of butter

RIP Butter. You’ll be missed.

 

Today’s Menu:

Phoned in rice

Faked butter

Raisins that look like chocolate chips cookies

Kumquat calls

Cadbury scrambled eggs

Caterpillar butterflies

Pizza bacon

 

calling a kumquat

Yes, a kumquat is really a food!

when someone says food

Ah, that madcap Joey! I miss him!

 

butterflies in stomach from eating caterpillars

Well, if you eat it, is it food???

diet of cadbury eggs

OOPSIE!

 

don't eat coffee with fork and knife

Oh, that’s a bad thing??

 

Food!   Food   FOOD!!!

And 1 more for the road…

 

brother fries bacon behind pizza box shield

Genius!! Why didn’t I think of that??

 

Bathing Buddies

A purple, soaked rug.

humor, soaked bath rug

 

 

 

An abandoned blue duck on it’s side.

humor, deserted ducky

                Darling deserted ducky

 

Colorful cups half full of water.

20160314_200037

 

 

 

humor, blue cup half full of water

And blue makes 2!

 

A forgotten wash cloth.

 

Towel tossed on the floor.

humor, towel tossed on floor

Tossed towel.

 

All these are signs of bathing buddies; PP and her faithful friends, soaking in the happiness.    (See what I did there??)

And water would still be standing there too, if I’d let her leave it!

humor, tub full water

Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink

Door Decor

Which door?   What decor?

This door, and this decor:

dark blue curtain, back door, humor

UGH to the LY

It’s my back door.

This curtain is dark navy blue.   BOO!!!   You KNOW I can’t let THAT stay here in MY house!!   If something isn’t purple, I have an allergic reaction!!   Get that girl a purple curtain!   STAT!!

 

So, here’s the door, mid change.    {You know normally I’m against nudity, but….. no vital areas are exposed.}  

naked back door

So immodest!!

 

Now, finally done.    It was such an exhausting process.     Removing the old curtain, from the rod, and sliding on the new one. Time for a nap.

purple curtain on back door, humor

So pretty in purple!!

And Bonus: finally there’s light at the end of the tunnel hall!

 

 

 

 

 

Market Meal

The last Monday in March, I took my neighbor, Jeanette, to a Seniors only produce market.   We only had to pay $5, and got a LOT of stuff!

A quart of strawberries, which I skipped, 2 oranges, box of mushrooms, 3 onions, 2 zucchini, 2 yellow squash, 1 bundle organic asparagus, {Ooooohh! Fancy!} 5 # potatoes, 2 ripe, very ripe, avocados, a bunch, bundle? stem? of long leaf lettuce.   I’m not sure what kind it is, just what it isn’t.    It’s not iceberg, butter, or Bibb, because they’re all round heads.   It doesn’t matter, really.   It’s long, green, and leafy!    And last, but not least, a strawberry pie, which I was gonna skip too.   But Jeanette grabbed one and put it in my bag.

“You paid for this, get all you paid for!”   Now, she has 2 pies!

Wow, that was a long prologue!

Jeanette said, “Those mushrooms are almost gone.   If you don’t cook them today, you’ll have to throw them away.”    She probably felt like she was wasting her breath, knowing full well, I don’t do the “C” word!

But, to my shock, that’s exactly what I did, when I got home!    I didn’t want to have to throw away the mushrooms, so I got busy.

First I sliced up the onion.

sliced onion, humor

Why am I crying??

 

 

Then, I fried sauteed them with the pre-cut mushrooms.     {And of COURSE the alarm went off!}

I steamed the asparagus in the microwave.

 

humor, steaming asparagus in microwave

See, I really DO know how to use a kitchen appliance!

 

Added a piece of ham left over from Easter at my Mama’s, and Voila!

A yummy market meal!

humor, onion skins, asparagus stems

Scraps and skin, proving I cooked!

 

 

 

 

Hypothyroid Health

Hypothyroid health is actually an oxymoron.   {No, I didn’t call you a moron!}

Since hypothyroidism is a disease, you can’t say, “Disease health”.     But, thyroid health didn’t alliterate, and I don’t want any tickets for not alliterating!     *cough* BBFFJ *cough*

Anyway, so my thyroid levels have been fluctuating.    (AGAIN)      My Doctor sent me for a thyroid sonogram, which I’ve never had before.    Which the Dr. said was strange, since I’ve been on thyroid meds for 27 years now.     I joked that I’d find out if I was pregnant or not!   {BTW, I’m not. } 

humor, winky face

YAY!! So relieved!

 I got the results last Tuesday that my thyroid gland is normal, no enlargement, no nodules.  I had a sound sonogram.    {see what I did there??}

 Which is excellent news!   But then why do I have so much trouble staying level??

humor, thyroid gland

What a beautiful thyroid gland you have, Melinda!

 

Why, thank you!!   Yours is lovely too, I’m sure!

 

 

Then, the next day, the Dr. herself calls to tell me she has to lower my med dose again.   What??    After being suicidal for that week, you want to lower it again????   sigh   Here we go again, back on the merry-go-round.

Now I have an endrocrinologist appointment in May.    I know I’ll have more testing to go through.   But, hopefully he can figure out how to help me!

And you know I’ll be sure to let you know the outcome!!

Third Timed Tidy

Third time does it!   Worked out that way this time!!   FINALLY got the ding dong kitchen cleaned up!   (For the 95th time.)

I might as well just admit it, being a slob is my life style.     What???    Melinda, we’re shocked!    NOT!!

It’s my worst nightmare.    Dirty dishes, again!!    And they multiply in the dark, just like hangers!    And single socks!

Anyway, here is the (beginning of the) end result of the THIRD Timed Tidy:

clean dishes humor

Love to see those gleaming clean dishes!

{Isn’t that funny- I hate them when they’re 18 inches to the right, but as soon as they’re clean, I love them again!!     Am I a bad dish mommy???)

 

Then, I put this in the sink to wash.

cheap tray humor

Why, oh why am I keeping this???

 

And why??   It cost $1, and has been sitting here dirty, adding to my dirty-dish-need-to- clean-it-up low level anxiety since Feb. 20!!    And why??     It’s cracked!    And it costs a DOLLAR!!

So, I paused to think, for a nano second, and made an executive decision.   Buh-bye tray, you have overstayed your welcome!!

tray trashed humor

In the can you go. Good riddance!

 

humor, clean kitchen counter at last

AAHH! A clean counter at last!

 

How beautiful is that!    A clean counter!!

So, have we learned our lesson, Purplelinda??     How are we gonna keep the kitchen spotless like this in the future?

Ummm, eat out all the time??   Never eat again period???      Become a pod person??    Use paper plates, and plastic forks??   {Claremary is really lobbying hard for this one.}

We’ll see if I’ve learned my lesson, and always keep the kitchen clean, from this day forward.   {Spoiler alert:   I doubt it!}

Timed Tidy Two

Okay, so I started with Timed Tidy.     And I told you the rest of the story would come later.    So, here it is: part two.

I started at 12:59 pm, Saturday afternoon.   I washed a drainer full of dishes.

clean dishes drainer humor

Ta-da!

 

(Well, okay, not exactly a drainer full of dishes……)

 

 

 Cleaned out some containers for recycling.   Took a potty break (hey, I’ve had 2 kids, if you’re a mother, ya know what I’m talking about, amiright??)    De-cluttered the counter top, by dumping out some nasty drink, from the Valentine’s party.  

moldy drink humor

EEWW!! Care for a beverage, anyone?? No?

 

 

 Put away stuff where it belongs.    Yes, some stuff DOES actually have homes!   Shock, shock!

 

It only took me 23 minutes, including taking the pix.    Now, really, 23 minutes is not long.    So why does it take you so long to do it, huh, PurpleSlob????

Oh yeah! And I cleaned the stove too!     Okay, Okay, I wiped the stove TOP.    Confession is good for the soul.

But, you guessed it, I’m still not done!    So, look for Third Timed Tidy any day now.    Just please, don’t hold your breath!!

Porch Pose

PP and I came home, and tried to get in.    Couldn’t.    Porch door lock was cranky.    So, I jiggled it a little, which usually works.     Nope!

The lock  pieces fell out into my hand.   Shock!!

humor, lock falls out

Yep, something just like that!!

 

PP began screaming, crying,

humor, screaming toddler

Yep, looks just like PP in full voice!

 

and banging on the door like she was locked out of an ice cream store.

I tried pulling on the door.   Nope, no go.     Sat down on the conveniently-left-outside-the-porch chair,

20151226_135209

(This is obviously inside.    But it’s the same chair.)

and began dialing.

Sweet Friend not answering.    What could you  possibly be doing that is so important, you can’t answer my distress call????

Finally in desperation, after 20 minutes of wailing, and crying, and oh yeah, PP doing it too, I called XH.

He came right away, thankfully, but couldn’t get the door open either.

Why??    Cuz, duh!   The lock was broke!!

So, he went thru the unlocked (Thank God) workshop.     Hey! why didn’t I do that??    I dunno, a screaming toddler???   No light???    Didn’t think of it???

He had to bang on the latch to get it open.     Relief!     Spelled “O-P-E-N D-O-O-R”.

Later Sweet Friend asked me where the pieces of the lock were.

I threw them in the  trash or recycling.   I dunno.

“Why would you do that?   Why didn’t you  keep them?” he queried.

Oh, I dunno, an upset, screaming toddler throwing herself at door??   Because they were broken???   Because I didn’t realize there was gonna be an autopsy??

Anyway, Sweet Friend took off the latch part, so we wouldn’t get stuck again.    Thank you, SF!!

Then, that weekend, he installed a spanking new lock!!      What would I do without my SF???     (Besides never being able to latch my porch door ever again, I mean!)

 

Facebook Finished

Well, I’ve done it now.

In my pursuit of holiness, I deleted my Facebook account.

Purplelinda is Grumpy Dwarf

Who me???

 

(I promise, this hasn’t turned into a purely religious blog, but I write about my life.…)

I’m sure people will roll their eyes, when they see that.   I tried to get off a month or so ago. That lasted all of 3 days.    Well, try, try again!

There were just too many things that I had to hide, and block, and unfollow.    It was getting to be a serious pain.   So, in order not to have to worry about what people were posting, that showed up on MY news feed, I just figured getting out was the best option for me.

Really, the worst thing was yesterday.    A friend commented on another person’s post, so that post showed up in my feed.    When I saw the tiny profile pic of that unknown person, it looked funny, {funny hinky, not funny haha}.    So, I went to that person’s page.    Their profile pic was a pic of their crotch!!   Pants pulled down, and crotch shot for all the world to see.    I was so shocked and disgusted!     I immediately reported her, and the post, and messaged her to please take down that offensive pic.

Facebook purports to ban nudity.    So, how did a nude crotch shot make it by???

Yeah, I’m fighting too hard to keep my mind on the things of God to keep fighting all that, just to have social time.   So, I’m finished.

If ya wanna email, just leave a comment, and I’ll email you.

Let’s talk.

(Oh yeah, now I gotta find another source for my memes, for Sarah Eliza.   But, hey, hunting stuff is good for me.    I was getting too lazy there.)