Thumb Theme

I was cutting up a red bell pepper, for my salad.   Using my new purple (of course!) knife.

slob, humor, purple knife

Re-enactment, without bell pepper, or thumb.

I looked down and thought, “Huh.  Red bell peppers don’t bleed.”

Then I looked again, and thought, “But I do!!!”

The knife was so sharp, I never even felt the cut!

But, of course, once I saw the blood, and figured out it was mine, THEN I felt the pain!

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Lunch bit back!

It bled so much, I was sure I was gonna bleed out right there in the kitchen.    The neighbors would see the river of red flowing under the door, and call the police.    And they’d find my poor, stiff body, clutching my thumb, wrapped up in a paper towel, stained all red.

But, even tho I’m not a Dr. {DD2 is tho!!   But she wasn’t here.}, I triaged myself, and decided direct pressure was needed, ASAP.

A paper towel was used to staunch the flow.    Hours later, when it dried up, okay, maybe it was only minutes…  I found a band-aid, and bandaged it up myself.

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Not a Rays fan, but it’s only a band-aid!

 

 

Then, ya know the job’s not done, till ya deal with the paperwork.

 

So, I filed with my insurance, but wouldn’t ya know, I’m outta my own network.   

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This is my not happy face.

 

 

So, I was charged full price for everything.

 

Triage consult- $300.00

Bio-hazard blood clean-up- $150.00

Paper towel- $10.00

Band-aid- $20.00

Direct pressure surgical procedure- $500.00

Practicing medicine without a license- $2,000.00 fine.

 

(I’m hoping my Go-Fund-Me account will keep me outta jail!!)

 

That’ll teach me to never cut my thumb again!!

 

 

 

Chunky Chocolate Chip Choice

This is a food review of Chunky Chocolate Chip cookies.    My GF option of choice, 3 weeks ago.   (Is it still a review if you hate its guts??   Just asking, for a friend.)

These are GF.   YAY!!

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Self explanatory.

 

They are Non-GMO.   YAY!!

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They’re also non-dairy.   Yay???

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I don’t have a problem with dairy.   (I better not say that too loud!!)   But for people who do, and are GF, these are available.

I gave them a fair shot, I really did.   But, they might as well be honest, and say. “Non food tasting.”

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Truly yucky.

This is all I could choke down force myself to eat, in about 3 weeks!   6 outta 9 cookies!!   And, you know how much I love my sweets and chocolate!!   So, you know, these are nasty!!

Good thing Pamela’s didn’t pay me for this review!   Or they would have stopped the check! And, they didn’t send me free cookies, either!

I’m just doing my civic duty for all my fellow GF warriors.    Don’t buy these!!   And if you do ignore my warnings, and try them, don’t call me crying when your taste buds pass a resolution to secede from your mouth!!

Silly Sippys

SF and I were having an argument.    A silly, little argument, really.   I’m embarrassed to tell you the topic, silly.

Okay, if ya really wanna know, we were arguing over the color of the sippy cups he just bought.

Uh, huh.   Sippy cup colors.   Nice….

Well, at least this time I wasn’t the only passenger on the crazy train!!   SF never goes on that ride with me!!

See, here’s the new sippys he bought.

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Looks deceptively all purple.

 

So, understandably, he thought they were all purple.   But!!   I had already opened one, and given PP a drink in it.   So, I KNEW there was a green top on it!

WE argued for about 15 min. over the phone.   {Why no, I didn’t have anything else to do!    Why do you ask??}   Finally, I took a pic, and sent to him, to prove I was right!

slob, humor, purple and green sippy

Haha! There’s green in them there lids!

 

He capitulated!    That almost never happens!!

So, please forgive me if I crow a little!!

 

Uh, Melinda??

What now??

Actually, the top isn’t green.   It’s purple.   The ring is green.

 

Oh alright, so we were both right.   How often does that happen??

slob, humor, grandmother linky

I’m trying to figure out how to make it a real button!! Have patience, please!!

Meantime, here is the linky website.

http://grammysgrid.com/blogging-grandmothers-link-party-1/

Fragile Frog

PP was so excited to get out onto the porch!   She had been cooped up, like a chicken!    The porch represented freedom!    Her kitchen was out there!   Her chalks were out there!   Her sand box was out there!   Everything good and desirable was out there!

Anyway, you get the drift.

So, we came out on the porch.   As I sat down, with PPJr in my arms, I saw something move, outta the corner of my eye.    Happily, I’m not a nervous Nellie!    I figured it was a gecko.

Nope!   It was a small frog!   I called PP’s attention to it, and she was over there like a shot!

I thought she’d be entertained for awhile, chasing it back and forth.   When it went under the scooter, she started calling to it “Come back, fwog, come back!”

And do you know, it did!

She was patient, and stalked her prey…

She caught it!

 

slob, humor, captured frog

PP- the Great White Frog Hunter

 

After playing with it for a long while, she put it down, and said, “It not wowk {work} Omie!” I said “Uh, oh.   Maybe he’s tired.”    (Tired to death???)

She kept watching it, talking to, and encouraging it.   In a few minutes, she clapped her hands, and shouted with delight, “It wowking, Omie!!  It wowking!!”

And persistent little frog hopped away.    Not far, or fast enough, however!   She caught him again, easier this time!   And, repeat.

Now, she brought him to me, when he stopped working again.   I think I see the problem…

slob, humor, frog

Maybe he was hopping too hard???.

 

 

Poor froggie, RIP.    He was loved too well, and too often.

Java Jokes

“Java jokes?” jeers the jabberer.   Hey, at least this one makes sense!!   Unlike Click, clack, cluck!

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No comment needed.

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If the java doesn’t give you enough of a jolt…

 

SLOB, humor, coffee meme

slob, humor, coffee meme

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LOL

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Yeah, did ya??

 

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I know some of these people!!

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Awwww!

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My kind of collaboration!

 

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Git it girl!

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Somewhere!

 

Well, if I don’t stop now, this post will be 30 pages long!    But don’t worry, I have more Java Jokes, I just need to come up the alliterative title!!     (Maybe I need to drink some java????)

 

 

Baked Bananas

Remember the chocolate banana bites??   Ummm, I do!!    They were so good!!   I’m still licking my chops!

Now, I’m always on the hunt for new GF snacks.    I have some all natural veggie chips that I LOVE!!!    But, they’re $5 a bag!!   Not very money wise!

At Publix I found some all natural baked bananas.     Oooohh!!!   Yummy!!!

slob, humor, banana chip bag

Nuttin but the facts, folks.

 

And they were only $3 and change.   YAY!!!

Sorry, no pix of me eating them.   I barely had time to take this pic, before my mouth swallowed them (almost) whole!

slob, humor, dried bananas

Dehydrated banana chips. So berry good!!

Crunchy & sweet!!   The ultimate snack!!   I highly recommend ’em!!    Tell the manager PurpleSlob sent ya!   {Maybe I’ll get a discount!   I can always hope!!}

Perfect Purse

slob, humor, purse

Pretty purple purse, pretty new too!

 

This is the purse Sis gave me when the last one petered out, which was only the end of April!

And I liked it, I really did!!   The deep purple, the leather, what was not to like??

Well, the sagginess of it.   I need structure in my life!!    Especially in my purses!   When I set it down, it would just flop over on itself.

So, after me telling Sis I liked it, but complaining about the lack of stiffness, guess what that wonderful sis of mine did????

YUP!!   She got me another one!!   You’d think she’d be tired of buying me purses, and just say “Shut it, ungrateful brat!”   But, she’s too much of a sweetheart to say that. (out loud anyway!)

So, here it is!!

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I LOVE the Scripture!! And the structure!!

 

And the color!!   And the lining!   And the pockets!!

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Pretty purple purse, pretty new too!

slob, humor, purse

Pretty purple purse, pretty new too!

(I don’t know why it copies the caption.  Please ignore.)

And the bling!!

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Oh the bling!!

 

Just please don’t tell her I said I feel like a knight, all armored up in chain mail when I clink, as I go!

slob, purse, purse chain

Chain mail, anyone? And not the email kind, either!

 

I really do love it, Sis!!   Promise!!

 

stalled stallion

Remember when I said this would be my last Wendy’s cup EVER??

 

slob, humor, drink

Wendy is such a cutie! And a cup chock full of sweet nectar!

 

Yeah, well…

After happily galloping along for months, weeks, okay, days, I fell off the sugar free stallion.

slob, humor, drinking peach Fanta

I feel so guilty. But I can’t stop!

 

Ahem?

Ok, I dove off head first into a vast vat of Peach Fanta.

slob, humor, peach fanta

The vast vat was almost empty when I remembered to stop and take the pic. Should I get another one to retake the pic???

 

Watch out, here come the whiny excuses.

I was on a trip, and my nerves were stretched.   I hate traveling!!    I just needed a little pick me up.   (To go see DD2 grad.   Did I mention she’s a Dr. now???)

Then I got a ticket, {oh, did I forget to mention that??}, so then I really had to soothe my nerves!!

Then once I got home, why even bother to try now???

slob, humor, cup

Just like every slob needs a peach Fanta!

 

Yeah, soooo…. No more grandiose, sweeping promises of never, ever cheating again.

Just gonna saddle ‘er up, and get to gitting!

No more letting this stallion be stalled!

Done Dollhouse!

When I was in Hobby Lobby shopping for clearance crafts, and I saw the (expensive!) dollhouses, I thought, “Oh, how I’d love one of those for PP’s birthday, God!  But they’re too expensive. ” sigh

 

(This one is only $119.    And it’s the bottom of the line!)  

  And went on my merry way.   ALWAYS merry when I’m spending money!

But since I clearance shop, it’s never TOO much money.   Unlike that one time as a new mother when I spent $110 on clearance beads...    I never could figure out why hubs was so angry.    Didn’t he understand exactly HOW much MONEY I had just saved him????   (And no, I didn’t ever use all of them.    Do you know how many beads are $110 worth, when each pack is only like 25 cents???     Let me just tell you.    Eleventy million!!)

Anyway, life went on.   About 2 days later, I was over at Jeanette’s house, when her neighbor came out the door with {Drum roll, please!!}  a dollhouse!    She said, “Do you want this?   You were the first one I thought of.”     I almost snatched it outta her hands cried!   Then I told them about my prayer.   God loves me!!    (And He loves you too, just the same!!)

It had some boo boos, and bangs, but it had been well loved!    And she gave me all the pieces!

3 walls/floors were off, and the peaked roof was detached.   Yes, it had been thru a hurricane!

slob, humor, dollhouse

So, it’s missing a roof? No problem! Voila! It’s a skylight!

 

But, SF to the rescue!   I told him it was for PP’s bd, and he got all construction contractor on me!   (Just in case I’ve never explained it, Sweet Friend is my first EX, and therefore PP’s PopPop.)

slob, humor, dollhouse

Taking down some walls! It was too tall anyway.

He took that thing apart, then put it back together again, stronger than before!    (Missing an attic, but tra la!)

slob, humor, dollhouse

Yes, he cleaned up the construction site, and removed the nails!!

She was one happy little lady, when she saw it in her room!!   

And here it is , in all it’s glory, PP’s Dollhouse, Done!

slob, humor, dollhouse, and occupants

And her (generic) Barbie is very happily living there! With her pet zebra, and the Veggie Tale Nativity Stable, and half the cast, apparently.

Happy Birthday, PP!!   Omie, and PopPop love you!!

 

Chocolate Chuckles

If chocolate gives you chuckles, you ‘re not a serious enough person.   Chocolate is serious business!   Except this chocolate.   If you don’t get chuckles outta this chocolate, you need help!   Like serious therapy!!   (And no, no Doctor will prescribe chocolate as therapy.   Believe me,  I’ve tried.   He just chuckles, and chuckles, and chuckles.)

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Exactly!

 

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Seriously!!

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That’s me on the bottom!!

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There’s that evil math again!

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That happened to me too!! True story!

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This doesn’t actually say the “C” word, but ya know that’s what they mean!!

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That’s my plan, and I’m sticking to it!

slob, humor, meme

Amen.

slob, humor, meme

How about make Chocolate Lemonade?? I meant cake, make chocolate lemonade cake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

slob, humor, meme

Chocolate Diem!

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Nobody has any manners anymore. smh

Is that chuckles coming outta your mouth?    Or chocolate drool??