Christmas

YAY!!  It’s December!! Christmas has begun!!     I know, cuz PP yells it every.time.we.pass.any.kind.of.decorations.at.all!      “It’s Kissmas!”

So, for the next 3 weeks, Meme Mondays will be Christmas themed.  (If I can find that many, and somehow I think I can!!)

slob, humor, shopping meme

Oh yeah!! My eyes are bugging out already!

slob, humor, cat tree meme

I don’t have any cats, but I’ve heard stories!

slob, humor, Bing Crosby meme

Oh yes, Bing Crosby!! Christmas music when Christmas music was music!

Well, we’ve already begun the Christmas themed meme Mondays, so this notice is a wee bit late, Melinda.

Oops, yeah, sorry about that!    I was trying to come up with the rest of the title, so this was laying around in the “drafts” folder, just goofing off!        Good thing I went hunting around for a post!

slob, humor, dessert meme

 

Since this is true, I have an excuse!

 

 

slob, humor, coo-kie!    So, now we’ll talk about my December breakfast menus.     My favorite is sugar cookies, and egg nog.

slob, humor, nom nom cookie!

 

 

I think I forgot to photograph the nog, and just drank it all up!!      Sorry, Goldilocks!

 

 

 

The sad skeletons:

slob, humor, breakfast empties

Yum, yumm, yummy!!         So so good!!

 

Well, that’s about all for now, folks.     See ya next week!!        Have some cookies, and nog!    Good for ya!  

 

Since I couldn’t find a really purple one, I couldn’t decide. So, here’s all 3 to enjoy!!

 

Oops, actually after consulting a calendar, today is the 16th, and Christmas is only NINE days away!      Feel free to panic now!

 

Womanly Woes

 

slob, humor, sad story

Here’s the rest of the story that I promised you back in Paper Purgathon- Perch.

This pic is from the day I became a “woman.”      It started out as a happy day- we were going to Busch Gardens with some friends.     YAY!       (The 2 women in front of me are Mama, on the left, and our friend, Kathy, to the right.)

The back story is: I was 15 and 1/2, and had not become a “woman” yet.     All my other friends and family, aunts my age, cousins, etc, had become “women” when they were 13 or so.    2 and a half YEARS before me!!     And here I still was a little girl!!      Not only was I sad about it, I was angry!!       And scared!!        I truly was wondering whether I was really a girl or not!      I had been begging Mama to take me to the Dr, for testing to see what was wrong with me!        With her wisdom, she refused.       She told me to try to calm down, that I really was a girl for sure, and wait.    I demanded to know HOW she knew I was really a girl, not a defective weirdo.     She told me to trust her, as my Mama, she promised I would become a woman soon.    She had been a late bloomer too.   And she warned me, that when I did, I’d be sorry that I wasted all that time griping, instead of enjoying NOT being a woman!

I told her “NO!   I will NEVER be sorry I’m a woman, once I finally do become one, IF I EVER do!”     (Just like every defiant, bratty child ever, in the whole world.)

Well, that pic shows the story, don’t it?      I became a woman, at Busch Gardens.     And was I happy about it??        You tell me??     NOPE!     As sure as Mama had predicted, it was NOT fun!     I was NOT glad it happened!!     I wanted it to stop now!      I was over it, thanks!

I can imagine God was up in heaven, listening to me gripe, sighing.     “Melinda, Melinda, Melinda.     You wanted to be a woman, but I was delaying it till you were ready.   You weren’t happy.     Now, you’re a woman, and you’re not happy!       What will make you happy??”

And I can imagine an angel leaning over, and whispering, “Um, God?”

God says “Yes?”

The angel:  “You created her, don’t you know what will make her happy??”

God says. “Sure I do, but she don’t wanna listen to me!     I’ve been telling her Mama what to say, and her Mama’s been saying it, but will she listen??       Nooooooo.”

 

{If you think this sounds irreverent, it’s not meant to be.     It’s just my thoughts.}

So, the moral of the story is:  Be patient for what you want!    Sometimes God is delaying it for your own good!    And, when you finally get what you’ve been asking for for YEARS- try to be grateful!!!

 

 

And I’ve been a woman to this day.       {But I really was happy when I had a hysterectomy- just saying!}

 

 

Evasive Eevans Events

Of course my friend Jenny’s name is not really Eevans.     It’s Evans, from Unremarkable Files.        

slob, humor, my friend Jenny Evans

Jenny Evans!

 That’s #1 of the pingbacks I’m giving her, so hopefully, she’ll forgive me for taking artistic license with her name!      (That one’s mine, not hers, but I promise plenty more of hers to come!!)

Being the mother of a large family, (6! kids), (#2) Jenny is all too familiar with the necessity of public restrooms.  (#3)         And the hygiene, (or NOT!) (#4) of the same.     (Hey! I just realized that one is a 2-fer!     Hi Katie!)

Okay, now that I’ve made sure you’re well acquainted  (#5) with Jenny, on to what this post is about.

Yes, public restrooms,

but in a different aspect.   Namely. being trapped in one like an animal (#6) in a cage.      And desperate to get out, but can’t.      And I can’t reach my leg, to chew it off, to facilitate escape!

When I have to ride the scooter at stores, (due to my on-going leg issues, (first it was the right knee, then the left groin, now the left sciatic- yay!  I’ve learned a LOT of anatomy the last few years!), sometimes I can’t even get up to walk into the restroom, and have to drive. It’s tricky enough, just getting in.      But, if it’s a swing-in door, it’s all good!!      I just run that puppy into the door, hard enough to open it!      But gently!    I don’t go full speed!    (1/4th mile an hour)      Cuz then I’d have another whip lash too, to add to all the other delights I’m experiencing!

Once I’m in, done, and ready to leave, that’s when the real problem happens.         If it was a swing-in door, and was easy to get in, then it’s pull-to-get-out.         And that’s a REALLY BIG PROBLEM!        I know I have long arms, but they ain’t THAT long!       Ya have to grab the handle, pull, wait, ya can only pull 2 inches, then the door bangs into the basket.    Okay, we can do this.     Back up, try to grab handle again.    Wait, now I’ve backed up too far, and can’t grab the handle.       Alright, try again.      I have a college degree for Pete’s sake, surely I can figure out how to get outta the bathroom!

And just WHY don’t they have automatic door buttons in a restroom that is supposedly handicapped equipped??        

Surely I can’t be the ONLY one who has trouble, can I??      (PLEASE tell me I’m not the only one who can’t fight their way outta a paper room!)

Eventually, I just give up outta frustration, and sheer exhaustion.    Then, in about 10 minutes, I’m glad I’m still in there, due to my overactive bladder.      Whew!      Okay, now to wait for rescue.         Why, oh why did I forget my handy, dandy emergency wrench, so I can bang on the pipes, and draw attention to my predicament kit?        But then I realize, I haven’t brushed up on my Morris Code for awhile, so I’d probably just be saying, “Hey!   Love ya!”  or something, instead of “I’m trapped in the restroom.  Help!”

After 25 minutes, I’m still going strong, fighting dehydration, because I usually always have my water bottle with me.    slob, humor, definitely not clutter      Bonus!      If I drink it all, I know how to refill it, there’s running water here!

30 minutes in, I’ve succumbed to hunger, after scrabbling around frantically in my purse for something to eat, and finding nothing except 2 brownie crumbs, and the empty wrapper of a Twix.     (Which I totally proceed to lick clean.     Hey, it’s life or death now, man!)       So, now it’s a slow decline into death, from this point on.

35 minutes in, I’ve started writing my last will and testament,

slob, humor, last will and testament

leaving my body to science.     (They’re gonna want it too!       To study how a 300 lb woman can starve to death in under an hour.      In the middle of a GROCERY store.)

Update: AFTER I published this, THEN I noticed I wrote “drying” instead of dying.  Oy vey!)

40 minutes in, all hope is gone.      Drawing a face on my purse, so I can kiss it good bye.     (How is it that in a store this busy, NO ONE has had to go in the last 40 minutes???)

 

Slumped over, in the final throes of death, dimly I hear panicked screaming.      “MA’AM!!   MA’AM!!     ARE YOU OKAY??”            I rouse up, slowly, blinking away the haze of the afterlife.       “Are you an angel??”        “Uh, no ma’am, I’m the janitor.    Do you need help?”

Sobbing in relief, all I can say is:  “Just open the door!    All I wanna do is go home!”

 

Ah, the events of an evasive Eevens life.     (I had to cross out Jenny’s name.    I don’t think she wants to be associated with this sad tale of incompetence!)

 

Paper Purgathon- Perch?

Nope, not a fish!     lol      Good guess, though!       Perch as in dwelling place.       I wanted cubbyhole- but, ya know the rules BBFFJ enforces so stringently!!        AND cubbyhole was NOT in my New Roget’s.    slob, humor, must be defective copy   (I think I got the one defective copy.      It was copyrighted in ’89, 1989, not 1889!      And I know for a fact that cubbyhole is older than that….  so I’m at a loss, as to how cubbyhole is missing.     Things that make you go “Hmmmmm.”      Rabbit trail ran out….  back to the post.)

slob, humor, challenge

Paper Purgathon

Paper Purgathon- Pact

Paper Purgathon- Palisade

Paper Purgathon- Pal

Paper Purgathon- Pile

Paper Purgathon- Perch, where I’m currently parked.

Okay, I’m talking about the cubbyhole in my desk.      It was messy!!          Melinda, I’m shocked!       Totally NOT!!

slob, humor, perch- as in cubbyhole     First thing was to empty it out, and dust.      Done.

Then sort thru the contents, and hopefully dispose of them properly.       (I’m hoping I don’t find anything radioactive in there!)

Nope!      Whew!       Just random bits of flotsam, and jetsam.        {When have you last heard THAT phrase??}

slob, humor, flotsam & jetsam     The pen was super easy to dispose of!  slob, humor, pen in place

Some of the photos, and an old calendar banished to the (overflowing) memories box.

slob, humor, memories  1 postcard, stamped to mail.      slob, humor, letters ready to go 2 photos put in envelopes to mail to cousins.  

The bulletin for contacting church- I put in address book.  Why- I’m a genius!

A few other photos photographed, to blog about later.

slob, humor, sad story      This is a sad story, you’ll hear about later.    Promise!

slob, humor, slob proof 1983      Pictorial proof of slobbery, 1983.     I did NOT know Dad was taking this!     My dorm room, shortly before graduation.      Look how skinny I was!     On second thought, look how messy the room was!       Ignore me!

slob, humor, blast from the past     See?   I did so sew!     1991, Alaska, at a Mother-Daughter Tea.        It looks like the theme was “Little House on the Prairie”!       No, I didn’t make the quilt, nor did I know its colors beforehand!

So, after everything was all cleaned up, here it is now.

slob, humor, neat perch

So much neater! and lighter! (of paper, and related items!)

 

Just like Declutterathon- Da-shred!

(Yep, it’s all starting to run together in my head!)

Queen Anne’s Day 4: https://minimalistsometimes.com/2016/11/23/out-of-commission/  Poor Queen Anne was felled, but not from a massive paper cut, as I had feared.

Queen Anne’s Fellow Sovereigns:
– Viv, at GriefHappens, said she needed to be on this “like an over-sugared kid in a bouncy house”, and is joining with 30 minutes a day.🙂
– Jena, at All Round Better me,  is in for 60 minutes a week.
– Amy, at More time than money, also joining with 60 minutes a week.
– Grace, at The CFO MOM Blog, just told me she is joining, woohoo!

Sitting on the fence;
– Jen, at The Hidden Hoarder, is hard at work on her front porch, and hasn’t quuuuite decided yet.😉

– Gilly, at Anything Except Housework is no longer on the fence.   She had to withdraw from this challenge.     She is now full time care giver for her dad,  and mum, after an operation.   We’re here for moral support, Gilly!

More Maxine Memes

I could go on for weeks, probably, with Maxine memes!       I just enjoy her cranky sense of humor, so much!        (But only on the computer, I’d NOT enjoy living with her!!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

My, my, Maxine!!    You’ve given me the gift of snorting Sprite thru my nose, this Christmas season!      How can I ever thank you??

 

Paper Purgathon- Pile, Pete, Pile

slob, humor, challenge

Paper Purgathon

Paper Purgathon- Pact

Paper Purgathon- Palisade

Paper Purgathon- Pal

 

Yeah, I know, pile, Pete, pile no makey sense.     But I couldn’t put Repeat, like I wanted to!   (You know how stringent my BBFFJ is about the alliteration rules!       And since she’s a teacher, I don’t wanna get called into the principal’s office!!)

slob, humor, receipts

And this is only since 11/9/2016

I finished up the pile of receipts on my desk.    FINAALLY!        And it only took 2 tries!      Woo hoo!

As I looked at the receipts, to enter the surveys, about 4 of the fast food ones were expired.   No judging!      It’s Christmas!      (Near enough for fast food excuses, anyway!)      So, those were easy trash decisions.

Now, it looks like this.

slob, humor, receipts

I know, I shouldn’t show the solitaire game I’m playing!

 

Oops, I mean like this.                        slob, humor, neat receipts      Why Melinda, what neat receipts you have!            Thanks so much for noticing!

Then, because Nov. was already over, I just had to trash all the CVS receipts.    You only have until the end of the month to do the surverys.     😦            That’s what ya get for procrastinating!           I wasn’t procrastinating, I had other priorities!          Okay, yeah, I was procrastinating.

But, now it’s really neat!       No receipts!      (The few I kept to brag, blog about later, are in the Palisade.)

slob, humor, finally neat!

Ah!  Clean again!!      Nice!        (Having flashbacks to the Declutterathon Desk!)

Nap time!!

 

 

Queen Anne’s Day 4: https://minimalistsometimes.com/2016/11/23/out-of-commission/   Poor Queen Anne was felled, but not from a massive paper cut, as I had feared.

Our Other Fellow Sovereigns:
– Viv, at GriefHappens, said she needed to be on this “like an over-sugared kid in a bouncy house”, and is joining with 30 minutes a day.🙂
– Jena, at All Round Better me,  is in for 60 minutes a week.
– Amy, at More time than money, also joining with 60 minutes a week.
– Grace, at The CFO MOM Blog, just told me she is joining, woohoo!                                            – Barb, at Decluttering The Stuff, has gone through some of her papers as well.. but is staying far away from the scanning part (and I don’t blame her..)

Sitting on the fence;

– Jen, at The Hidden Hoarder, is hard at work on her front porch, and hasn’t quuuuite decided yet.😉

Sadly,

-Gilly, at Anything but Housework, had to withdraw from the challenge, due to becoming full time care givers for her parents.     We’re here for moral support, Gilly!!

Paper Purgathon- Pal

slob, humor, challenge

Paper Purgathon

Paper Purgathon- Pact

Paper Purgathon- Palisade

 

Tonight as I was reading my news feed on FB, this came up.

http://www.aslobcomesclean.com/2014/03/how-to-reduce-paper-clutter

As my long time readers know, Nony is my slob mentor.    No, wait!       She did NOT teach me how to be a slob!         I did that one ALL by myself!         She’s my un-slobbing mentor!     There ya go!

(I sure wish I knew how to photo shop a pic of Nony and I together!  I’d be ALL over that bad boy!

slob, humor, Nonyslob, humor, happy!

Probably as close as I’m ever likely to get!)

Okay, enough fooling around with our heads….

So, since we’re in the midst of a Paper Purgathon, I thought, what better time than now to feature a post from Nony about paper de-cluttering??          Answer: None better.

Nony starts out:

How to Reduce Paper Clutter

Tips for reducing paper clutter at ASlobComesClean.com

Oh, how I don’t want to write this post. I’m only writing it because it has been specifically requested many many times.

Paper is a slob’s natural enemy. And I most definitely don’t have paper “under control.” This makes me feel unqualified to speak on the subject.

But . . . I’ve come a long way. A VERY long way.

So I decided to share how I have greatly reduced paper clutter in our home. Notice I saidreduced instead of conquered.

 

(Notice: Nony’s pic, not mine.)

Then she goes on to say:

So here’s how I’ve significantly reduced paper clutter in our home over the past few years:

 

(You’ll just have to go read her post to find out what she’s done!!)

http://www.aslobcomesclean.com/2014/03/how-to-reduce-paper-clutter

 

Now, since I’ve spent MORE than 15 min blogging about purging paper, does that count for today???

Not really!

Too bad!       I’m going with it!

 

Go check out what my fellow Queens are up to in their respective kingdoms!         Tell ’em PurpleSlob sayeth “Greetings, and Salutations!”

slob, younger clown me     What???    It’s a crown, isn’t it??

 

Queen Anne’s Day 3: https://minimalistsometimes.com/2016/11/21/2103-the-trial-and-error-of-scanning/

Our Other Fellow Sovereigns:
– Viv, at GriefHappens, said she needed to be on this “like an over-sugared kid in a bouncy house”, and is joining with 30 minutes a day.🙂
– Jena, at All Round Better me,  is in for 60 minutes a week.
– Amy, at More time than money, also joining with 60 minutes a week.
– Grace, at The CFO MOM Blog, just told me she is joining, woohoo!                                            – Barb, at Decluttering The Stuff, has gone through some of her papers as well.. but is staying far away from the scanning part (and I don’t blame her..)

Sitting on the fence;

– Jen, at The Hidden Hoarder, is hard at work on her front porch, and hasn’t quuuuite decided yet.😉

Sadly,

-Gilly, at Anything but Housework, had to withdraw from the challenge, due to becoming full time care givers for her parents.     We’re here for moral support, Gilly!!

 

Purge on, people!

Frank Fright

My friend, Feisty, (we’re not on first name terms yet bwahahaha!) highlighted a serious problem the other day, in her post, https://deweyhop.wordpress.com/2016/11/25/identity-theft/

 

Did you know you can find out people’s Social Security numbers, for FREE???

This is so scary!

 

Feisty says:

“To prove a point, Frank Abagnale listed three possible websites where an identity thief might glean this information. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as the Mormons, own the world’s third largest database at familysearch.com . Frank suggests that you go to this site and type in the name of someone you know who is deceased and just peruse the information that comes up. Frank typed in the name of his father and this is what he says he found:

…up came my father’s date of birth, date of death, and Social Security number, as well as the last five cities he lived in prior to his death. Because I had searched for Abagnale, I was able to scroll down to more than two hundred Abagnales-aunts, uncles, cousins, who had passed away. Some cousins I didn’t know-third cousins probably. Some died when they were twenty-one and twenty-eight. They must have been killed in Vietnam or in car accidents. But for each person I had the dates of birth and death, a social security number, and the last five localities where they lived. Everything available was derived from publicly available sources.  (pp.35-36)

I took this challenge myself. I typed in the names of two different deceased family members and got very similar information–including information about me although I didn’t type in my name and I’m obviously not dead! I also got information about other living relatives such as names and locations because in one case an obituary had been recorded. I didn’t type in those names either. I could click on every name given and go to that information.”

Feisty.

I had never been worried about identity theft, because my credit score was soooo low, and I had no bank accounts worth more than $1,000.00      And that was only on pay day!       By 3 pm, that balance is down to 48 cents, no joke!

But reading that scared me!      That should NOT be allowed, in my opinion!!      You can do research without SS #s!

So what’s the answer??     I don’t know!     Just be as careful as you can!       I’ve heard of life lock, but who has extra money to pay to protect your money??       Not me!

So, good thing we’re doing the Paper Purgathon, and I’ll start being much more careful about throwing papers away!      I’ll be shredding more, rather than less now!

I’m sure this was a funny movie, but it’s not funny in real life.

Thanks, Feisty, for bringing this to my attention, and making me PAY attention!!     I’d heard of Identity Theft before, but never seriously gave it any thought.

Now I’m giving it many, MANY thinks!!      Trust me!

Paper Purgathon- Palisade

Paper Purgathon

Paper Purgathon- Pact

Palisade??     Yup, means enclosure.     And I consider the filing cabinet an enclosure.     Hence- palisade!       You didn’t know you’d be getting vocab lessons with your Paper Purgathon, didya??  slob, humor, winky    Hope you don’t roll your eyes too hard at me!

slob, humor, challenge

Ok, now down to today’s business.    Hitting the filing cabinet. AGAIN.      Seems like a theme with this purgathon, doesn’t it??

slob, humor, palisade pix

The palisade

It only took me about 15 min to gather up, go thru, and sort this time.     YAY!!

I culled out the already paid, and showing on this month’s bills, to be shredded. Total: 9

Money receipts, large size, related to above mentioned bills, to shred.  Total 10.

slob, humor, shred pile

New and improved shred pile. (Well, not improved, but definitely added to!)

 

Pages cut out of the herd, for recycling, total: 12.

Empty envelopes for recycling, total: 10    (After I tore off these large windows, that I figure I can use somehow in crafting.)

slob, humor, reusable windows?       Who needs to pay for laminating???      Free is for me, baby!

The recycling paper pile going out the door.    

slob, humor, paper pile

Paper Pile leaving Premises

(No, they’re not floating in mid air.   I’m handing them to sweet friend, who had just come in to tell me he fixed my burnt out tail light.    He is a treasure!!)

Whew!   Glad that’s done!      (For now……..   bwahahaha!!)

Queen Anne’s Day 2: https://minimalistsometimes.com/2016/11/20/2102-document-keep-overview/

Queen Anne’s Fellow Sovereigns:
– Viv, at GriefHappens, said she needed to be on this “like an over-sugared kid in a bouncy house”, and is joining with 30 minutes a day.🙂
– Jena, at All Round Better me,  is in for 60 minutes a week.
– Amy, at More time than money, also joining with 60 minutes a week.
– Grace, at The CFO MOM Blog, just told me she is joining, woohoo!

Sitting on the fence;
Jen, at The Hidden Hoarder, is hard at work on her front porch, and hasn’t quuuuite decided yet.😉

– Gilly, at Anything Except Housework is no longer on the fence.   She had to withdraw from this challenge.     She is now full time care giver for her dad,  and mum, after an operation.   We’re here for moral support, Gilly!

Maxine Memes

Merry Christmas!!   Only _20_ more days!!

Here’s some Maxine to start your Monday with a chuckle, or not.

slob, humor, Maxine meme

slob, humor, Maxine meme

That would be me, flat on my back in the parking lot! Weakly begging for “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

slob, humor, Maxine meme   slob, humor, Maxine meme

slob, humor, Maxine meme

 

 

 

slob, humor, Maxine meme

 

slob, humor, Maxine meme

 

 

slob, humor, Maxine meme

 

slob, humor, Maxine meme

 

And last, but certainly not least:    slob, humor, Maxine meme

I just realized something: Maxine is the original Grumpy Cat!!

I know I usually only pick 10, but she’s just so funny, I couldn’t stop myself!!

Merry Coming Up Soon Christmas!!