Seven Seconds

From my BBFFJs linky party:  Inspire Me Monday. on Jan.2.

I saw this pic, from Ashley Phipps,

and it intrigued me.

http://simplydesigning.porch.com/7-hours-to-a-decluttered-home.      After I read it, I commented that I knew for sure it would take me more than 7 hours, because I’ve already spent 2 1/2 years de-cluttering, and now I have a house, screened porch, shed and workshop full STILL!!

But, I’m thinking I will print out her printable, follow it, and keep track of my time.  Then when I finish the 7 hours, let her know how far I got.      I could even make it my own 7 hour de-cluttering challenge!!       Of course, I’d link back to her, since it’s all her idea, and printable!

So, not sure which route I’ll go yet.   But definitely will do at least the 7 hours!!     But I better hurry!        Soon Queen Anne will be back at the Paper Purgathon again!  

slob, humor, challenge

And I better be prepared to dive in with her!!       I promised!

So, the “seven” in the title is for 7 hours/7 days.   The “seconds”  is for the more than once, that I’ve de-cluttered!

Authentic Author

I’m so excited to tell you (again)!!    My BBFFJ is a published Author!!        (Just in case you have forgotten in the month since Nov. 26.  But I need to start the New Year right, by bragging on my BBFFJ some more!!))

slob, humor, BBFFJ's book

 

Here’s the link to her book on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01M4QOD41

Please go check it out, and buy at least 10 copies!!      You’ll be glad you did!!        The perfect gift for all the aspiring e-book authors you know!!

Once they have Janice’s book in hand,     

 

 

 

 

 

 

er, in inbox??, they too can be a successful published author!!

I wrote a review for it, because she graciously let me read it beforehand!! 

But then, Amazon was difficult about it, and wouldn’t let me post it, since I hadn’t bought anything from them.    What’s up with that??      But then I won a gift card, so there!      And still, I can’t publish the review, because it has to be valid debt or credit card purchases.   Then I was really unhappy!!       Especially since I’m sure it would have been my review that would have sold millions of books thereafter!        Of course it would..

Anyway, someday when I grow up, I wanna be just like Janice!

slob, humor, Janice Wald

My BBFFJ, AKA Janice Wald www.mostlyblogging,com

Update:  Amazon finally let me post my review last night! Woo hoo!

Paper Purgathon Paused

slob, humor, challenge

 

You’ve probably been wondering when I’d get back to the Paper Purgathon.        I just know it’s been bothering you, that I would just leave it hanging like I did.

Well, personally I had to pause it, to concentrate on Christmas prep.

 

And poor Queen Anne was felled by that massive migraine, that turned into a month long ordeal.    As I mentioned in Paper Purgathon Perch.       (We were both praying she’d survive.     It was catastrophic.)     So she was in pause mode as well.    All in all, we agreed all around to discontinue until 2017.

Now you know the rest of the story.

Katie’s Kudos

Katie from Hungry Beastling wrote this in my email.
I love her!!     Such a lovely lady, with a killer smile!
Hi Melinda! Below you’ll find my lazy comment that didn’t feel like posting in full!!!

I hope your week has been an awesome one!


Hi there, lovely Melinda!!! First off, I’ve been away from my blog for the last couple weeks and came back to see 3 WONDERFUL comments from you, lovely lady!!! You always make me feel so special. 


Prime example…Nominating me for a quote challenge!!! I seriously got teary eyed–I know, that’s probably pathetic, but oh well! This is my first nomination for anything blog-related. 

(Here: https://purpleslobinrecovery.wordpress.com/2016/11/01/quipped-quote/)

 
And I don’t even care if the nomination was something associated with poop (since I tend to work poo into quite a few of my posts), the fact you thought of ME puts me in such a good mood. I can’t wait to get started on my challenge!!! Thank you VERY much. 
 
Now secondly, this post gave me some mega goose bumps. You have managed to cram a lot of life into these last two years of living!!! I am so IMPRESSED with 500 posts in a little over 2 years! 
 
Equally as impressive, but not surprising in the least, is the fact that you were named 2016’s Funniest Blogger!!! What an honor! You totally deserve it. You are one flipping hilarious chica!  (Admin note: I was Nominated  in that category, but didn’t win.)
 
Also, your kwilt… I. Love. It. It’s truly a work of art. That thing is gorgeous! And if THAT was folded in half, no wonder it took 9 years to make! Man oh man, what talent you have!!! 
slob, humor, quilt finished!

It was already folded in half, cuz I wanted ya to see my face!

I will mention, however, my mom might be trying to surpass your 9 years with her much less difficult project consisting of a crochet throw. She’s been in the process of making one for my husband and me ever since we got engaged…5 1/2 years ago. Baaah! She’s gettin’ there, slowly but surely!   
 
All your accomplishments are REALLY, really very inspiring. Thank you for motivating me to get up and take bigger bites out of life!!! Or, as my niece and nephew say, “Aunt Katie-sized bites” out of life!
 
Here’s to your next 500 posts, Ms. Melinda!!! Congratulations, you perfect pretty princess, you! Xoxo

Evasive Eevans Events

Of course my friend Jenny’s name is not really Eevans.     It’s Evans, from Unremarkable Files.        

slob, humor, my friend Jenny Evans

Jenny Evans!

 That’s #1 of the pingbacks I’m giving her, so hopefully, she’ll forgive me for taking artistic license with her name!      (That one’s mine, not hers, but I promise plenty more of hers to come!!)

Being the mother of a large family, (6! kids), (#2) Jenny is all too familiar with the necessity of public restrooms.  (#3)         And the hygiene, (or NOT!) (#4) of the same.     (Hey! I just realized that one is a 2-fer!     Hi Katie!)

Okay, now that I’ve made sure you’re well acquainted  (#5) with Jenny, on to what this post is about.

Yes, public restrooms,

but in a different aspect.   Namely. being trapped in one like an animal (#6) in a cage.      And desperate to get out, but can’t.      And I can’t reach my leg, to chew it off, to facilitate escape!

When I have to ride the scooter at stores, (due to my on-going leg issues, (first it was the right knee, then the left groin, now the left sciatic- yay!  I’ve learned a LOT of anatomy the last few years!), sometimes I can’t even get up to walk into the restroom, and have to drive. It’s tricky enough, just getting in.      But, if it’s a swing-in door, it’s all good!!      I just run that puppy into the door, hard enough to open it!      But gently!    I don’t go full speed!    (1/4th mile an hour)      Cuz then I’d have another whip lash too, to add to all the other delights I’m experiencing!

Once I’m in, done, and ready to leave, that’s when the real problem happens.         If it was a swing-in door, and was easy to get in, then it’s pull-to-get-out.         And that’s a REALLY BIG PROBLEM!        I know I have long arms, but they ain’t THAT long!       Ya have to grab the handle, pull, wait, ya can only pull 2 inches, then the door bangs into the basket.    Okay, we can do this.     Back up, try to grab handle again.    Wait, now I’ve backed up too far, and can’t grab the handle.       Alright, try again.      I have a college degree for Pete’s sake, surely I can figure out how to get outta the bathroom!

And just WHY don’t they have automatic door buttons in a restroom that is supposedly handicapped equipped??        

Surely I can’t be the ONLY one who has trouble, can I??      (PLEASE tell me I’m not the only one who can’t fight their way outta a paper room!)

Eventually, I just give up outta frustration, and sheer exhaustion.    Then, in about 10 minutes, I’m glad I’m still in there, due to my overactive bladder.      Whew!      Okay, now to wait for rescue.         Why, oh why did I forget my handy, dandy emergency wrench, so I can bang on the pipes, and draw attention to my predicament kit?        But then I realize, I haven’t brushed up on my Morris Code for awhile, so I’d probably just be saying, “Hey!   Love ya!”  or something, instead of “I’m trapped in the restroom.  Help!”

After 25 minutes, I’m still going strong, fighting dehydration, because I usually always have my water bottle with me.    slob, humor, definitely not clutter      Bonus!      If I drink it all, I know how to refill it, there’s running water here!

30 minutes in, I’ve succumbed to hunger, after scrabbling around frantically in my purse for something to eat, and finding nothing except 2 brownie crumbs, and the empty wrapper of a Twix.     (Which I totally proceed to lick clean.     Hey, it’s life or death now, man!)       So, now it’s a slow decline into death, from this point on.

35 minutes in, I’ve started writing my last will and testament,

slob, humor, last will and testament

leaving my body to science.     (They’re gonna want it too!       To study how a 300 lb woman can starve to death in under an hour.      In the middle of a GROCERY store.)

Update: AFTER I published this, THEN I noticed I wrote “drying” instead of dying.  Oy vey!)

40 minutes in, all hope is gone.      Drawing a face on my purse, so I can kiss it good bye.     (How is it that in a store this busy, NO ONE has had to go in the last 40 minutes???)

 

Slumped over, in the final throes of death, dimly I hear panicked screaming.      “MA’AM!!   MA’AM!!     ARE YOU OKAY??”            I rouse up, slowly, blinking away the haze of the afterlife.       “Are you an angel??”        “Uh, no ma’am, I’m the janitor.    Do you need help?”

Sobbing in relief, all I can say is:  “Just open the door!    All I wanna do is go home!”

 

Ah, the events of an evasive Eevens life.     (I had to cross out Jenny’s name.    I don’t think she wants to be associated with this sad tale of incompetence!)

 

Paper Purgathon- Perch?

Nope, not a fish!     lol      Good guess, though!       Perch as in dwelling place.       I wanted cubbyhole- but, ya know the rules BBFFJ enforces so stringently!!        AND cubbyhole was NOT in my New Roget’s.    slob, humor, must be defective copy   (I think I got the one defective copy.      It was copyrighted in ’89, 1989, not 1889!      And I know for a fact that cubbyhole is older than that….  so I’m at a loss, as to how cubbyhole is missing.     Things that make you go “Hmmmmm.”      Rabbit trail ran out….  back to the post.)

slob, humor, challenge

Paper Purgathon

Paper Purgathon- Pact

Paper Purgathon- Palisade

Paper Purgathon- Pal

Paper Purgathon- Pile

Paper Purgathon- Perch, where I’m currently parked.

Okay, I’m talking about the cubbyhole in my desk.      It was messy!!          Melinda, I’m shocked!       Totally NOT!!

slob, humor, perch- as in cubbyhole     First thing was to empty it out, and dust.      Done.

Then sort thru the contents, and hopefully dispose of them properly.       (I’m hoping I don’t find anything radioactive in there!)

Nope!      Whew!       Just random bits of flotsam, and jetsam.        {When have you last heard THAT phrase??}

slob, humor, flotsam & jetsam     The pen was super easy to dispose of!  slob, humor, pen in place

Some of the photos, and an old calendar banished to the (overflowing) memories box.

slob, humor, memories  1 postcard, stamped to mail.      slob, humor, letters ready to go 2 photos put in envelopes to mail to cousins.  

The bulletin for contacting church- I put in address book.  Why- I’m a genius!

A few other photos photographed, to blog about later.

slob, humor, sad story      This is a sad story, you’ll hear about later.    Promise!

slob, humor, slob proof 1983      Pictorial proof of slobbery, 1983.     I did NOT know Dad was taking this!     My dorm room, shortly before graduation.      Look how skinny I was!     On second thought, look how messy the room was!       Ignore me!

slob, humor, blast from the past     See?   I did so sew!     1991, Alaska, at a Mother-Daughter Tea.        It looks like the theme was “Little House on the Prairie”!       No, I didn’t make the quilt, nor did I know its colors beforehand!

So, after everything was all cleaned up, here it is now.

slob, humor, neat perch

So much neater! and lighter! (of paper, and related items!)

 

Just like Declutterathon- Da-shred!

(Yep, it’s all starting to run together in my head!)

Queen Anne’s Day 4: https://minimalistsometimes.com/2016/11/23/out-of-commission/  Poor Queen Anne was felled, but not from a massive paper cut, as I had feared.

Queen Anne’s Fellow Sovereigns:
– Viv, at GriefHappens, said she needed to be on this “like an over-sugared kid in a bouncy house”, and is joining with 30 minutes a day.🙂
– Jena, at All Round Better me,  is in for 60 minutes a week.
– Amy, at More time than money, also joining with 60 minutes a week.
– Grace, at The CFO MOM Blog, just told me she is joining, woohoo!

Sitting on the fence;
– Jen, at The Hidden Hoarder, is hard at work on her front porch, and hasn’t quuuuite decided yet.😉

– Gilly, at Anything Except Housework is no longer on the fence.   She had to withdraw from this challenge.     She is now full time care giver for her dad,  and mum, after an operation.   We’re here for moral support, Gilly!

Paper Purgathon- Pile, Pete, Pile

slob, humor, challenge

Paper Purgathon

Paper Purgathon- Pact

Paper Purgathon- Palisade

Paper Purgathon- Pal

 

Yeah, I know, pile, Pete, pile no makey sense.     But I couldn’t put Repeat, like I wanted to!   (You know how stringent my BBFFJ is about the alliteration rules!       And since she’s a teacher, I don’t wanna get called into the principal’s office!!)

slob, humor, receipts

And this is only since 11/9/2016

I finished up the pile of receipts on my desk.    FINAALLY!        And it only took 2 tries!      Woo hoo!

As I looked at the receipts, to enter the surveys, about 4 of the fast food ones were expired.   No judging!      It’s Christmas!      (Near enough for fast food excuses, anyway!)      So, those were easy trash decisions.

Now, it looks like this.

slob, humor, receipts

I know, I shouldn’t show the solitaire game I’m playing!

 

Oops, I mean like this.                        slob, humor, neat receipts      Why Melinda, what neat receipts you have!            Thanks so much for noticing!

Then, because Nov. was already over, I just had to trash all the CVS receipts.    You only have until the end of the month to do the surverys.     😦            That’s what ya get for procrastinating!           I wasn’t procrastinating, I had other priorities!          Okay, yeah, I was procrastinating.

But, now it’s really neat!       No receipts!      (The few I kept to brag, blog about later, are in the Palisade.)

slob, humor, finally neat!

Ah!  Clean again!!      Nice!        (Having flashbacks to the Declutterathon Desk!)

Nap time!!

 

 

Queen Anne’s Day 4: https://minimalistsometimes.com/2016/11/23/out-of-commission/   Poor Queen Anne was felled, but not from a massive paper cut, as I had feared.

Our Other Fellow Sovereigns:
– Viv, at GriefHappens, said she needed to be on this “like an over-sugared kid in a bouncy house”, and is joining with 30 minutes a day.🙂
– Jena, at All Round Better me,  is in for 60 minutes a week.
– Amy, at More time than money, also joining with 60 minutes a week.
– Grace, at The CFO MOM Blog, just told me she is joining, woohoo!                                            – Barb, at Decluttering The Stuff, has gone through some of her papers as well.. but is staying far away from the scanning part (and I don’t blame her..)

Sitting on the fence;

– Jen, at The Hidden Hoarder, is hard at work on her front porch, and hasn’t quuuuite decided yet.😉

Sadly,

-Gilly, at Anything but Housework, had to withdraw from the challenge, due to becoming full time care givers for her parents.     We’re here for moral support, Gilly!!