Anathema Anthem

My good friend Susie said that washing dishes was anathema to her.     (Don’t you love that word??)

My immediate response was, “Don’t worry, they don’t like it either!”

So, then I started thinking,  “Hey, I wonder what dishes DO think about it?”

Are they just chillaxin in old sweats?  (Can we agree if mold’s growing on it, then it’s old??  and stinky like sweats?)

slob, humor, moldy can o' food

Then unceremoniously slammed into hot, soapy water, bubbles filling their noses, being boiled alive!!        WHAT THE HECK????

slob, humor, dishes

UGH.

“Hey, oh! Hey!  I’m being scalded alive here!”       I can just hear them shout, loudly!!        I’m quite sure you could hear it too, if you attune your ears to their distress!

Sorry plates, and bowls, gotta do what a slob’s gotta do!!         Maybe next time I won’t wait so long, and then it won’t be such a shock to your delicate ceramic!!

Filthy Fan

This is my filthy fan on the front porch.

slob, humor, fan

Fearfully filthy fan

See how the blades appear gray??   Yeah, they’re actually white, or beige??

Shameful!!  That thing needs a good wash!   It’s a wonder it’s still working, with that ton  of dirt and dust on it!    

I know!   The lady who lived here before should be ASHAMED of herself for having such a filthy fan on her porch!!

What??    You were talking to ME????

But, but…..I’ve only lived here 6 months!!!   (whine whine whine)   Why is it my fault???     (Correction: I’ve now lived here a year, and 4 months!!    Yeah, I started this post 16 months ago!!  And the fan is still filthy!!)         For shame, Melinda!

On my last day, of emptying the trailer out, I decided to actually quit procrastinating, and just clean the thing.

slob, humor, dust snakes

Swipes from the first 2 blades.

My, what lovely dust snakes, you have Melinda!             Why, thank you, Melinda!

slob, humor, sweeping

Showing the last step in the process.

slob, humor, clean fan!

And Ta-Da!

So, I was right both times.     The blades are beige, and the sides are white!

slob, humor, clean(er) fan blade

Oops! Didn’t get it all clean.

And I’m sure it cools better now too!        But, I’ll never know, being as how the electric was already off!

At least I left it in better condition than I found it.

Frightfully filthy fan forgone.

Hot Hound

{I started this post 6 months ago!  After a round of de-clutterathons.}

 

Hot dog!   Hot hound, whichever!     I’ve done so much here in the house, I’m almost done!! It looks so good!

Umm, Melinda?          Yeah?          I hate to burst your bubble, but aren’t you forgetting something??  No, I don’t think so, the house is looking wonderful!          Oh yes, you’re right!  The house looks great!

I hear a “But” in there.           Yup, the house is not all there is to your vast estate.        Remember this??

IMG_20170419_143221

<Gulp>       Oh yeah, the workshop.              

And this??

slob, humor, shed

<Gulp>    Oh yeah, the shed.

Not to mention this??

slob, humor, porch clutter

Shady stuff

WELL, ok then, I’m almost done with the house!!      YAY me!

“Oh Queen Anne, when is the workshop, shed, porch Declutterathon???”

 

Update: 

Shed done, April 26, 2017!!    

seven-seconds-shed

seven-seconds-shed-seconds

Porch done, May 2, 2017!!

seven seconds shade

 

Workshop- still to come!

Spaghetti Spine

Is it possible to have spaghetti sauce turn into wine?   If you don’t think so, I’m here to tell you: YES! It’s possible!  I have smelt it!  ( And dealt with it too!)     It was scary!

And I took pix of the jars that I found when I moved in 16 months ago.    

(Left over from former owner.  The one BEFORE the one I bought it from!  So, that means it’s vintage is at least 2005, or OLDER!!)

But , I never remembered to upload them.   They got deleted off the camera, of course, and so this post never got finished.  

So, whadda I do??       Do what everybody else would do!       Google “rotten spaghetti sauce that’s turned into wine”!     Of course!

Results:

First pic.

slob, humor, spaghetti

Seriously? This is the result??

Further down the list:

slob, humor, jar of sauce

I just thought this was too cute!! It’s supposed to be a giphy, and the sauce sloshes.

Maybe I need to Google “spaghetti sauce with a side of penicillin”???

First result:

slob, humor, more spaghetti sauce

Ok, now I’m getting aggravated!

Aha!      Here we go!             “moldy spaghetti sauce”       Now we’re getting somewhere!

slob, humor, moldy sauce

Now that’s rotten sauce!!

The ones I found were not quite that bad….

 

 

 

 

 

My way of dealing with it:

(Here we go again)   “pouring spaghetti sauce out of a mason jar”

slob, humor, mason jar sauce

Google, Google, Google! Get with it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s try that again.          “pouring spaghetti sauce ”         Simple, but elegant.

slob, humor, pouring sauce out of mason jar

Finally!

        And, as it turns out, the most effective. 

My way of dealing with it, was pouring it down the drain!!

Can you imagine eating 11 year old spaghetti sauce?  Let me tell you, I wouldn’t recommend it!

Seven Seconds Shade

Y’all, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!     And this time I know fer sure, it’s not a train!       I’ve been de-cluttering, and purging the house for  …   how many months now???        And after almost 13 hours, I’m still not done!!

So, anyways, today we’ve got it made it in the shade, porch shade, that is.

Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds Sequel  

Seven Seconds Scullery 

Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

Seven Seconds Scullery Scape

Seven Seconds Scullery Sunder

Seven Seconds Scullery

Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

Seven Seconds Scullery Scape

Seven Seconds Scullery Sunder

Seven Seconds Scullery Scrape

Seven Seconds Scullery Scaffolding

Seven Seconds Scullery Second Scraping

SS Scullery Scrapings, Scobblelotcher

Seven Seconds Sisters’ Scene

Seven Seconds Scullery Skippy

Seven Seconds Shed

Seven Seconds Shed Seconds

Seven Seconds Sinking

Seven Seconds Second Sinking

Seven Seconds Shade- today’s shady deal

My porch hasn’t been touched in, oh a year or so??     For PP’s last birthday, July!!  PopPop cleaned it up, to put up her castle.  

(Insert castle pic here.)

Just in case I forget to take a pic of her own castle, here’s one very nearly like it.

slob, humor, not PP's own castle

Just like PP’s.     Except, it’s not hers.

BUT!!    He didn’t get rid of anything!    He just rearranged it.       (I don’t want to call him a hoarder, or anything……   but he still has every piece of Tupperware his mother ever touched.     And  lots more stuff, that we will just pretend doesn’t exist.      This is my tell-all blog, not his spill-my-guts-involuntarily-for-me-why-don’t-you-Melinda expose!!    So, nuff said.)

SO, here’s the hideous situation to begin:

AAAARRRGGGHH!!     I went to plug my phone in, to upload the pix, and the camo colored cord is missing!!      Complete and utter panic!!!!!        What do I do now?????

Ok, ok, calm down!       NOW!!      Breathe……

(Text DD1 in a panic, since she’s the only other one who uses this computer.       SF uses his TV, as a monitor, in the living room.)        Whew!!      It’s in Vanronica, which is right outside.        Alright, I can un-panic now!


Short station break while I huff and puff my way outside, and back.         Talk amongst yourselves.       Or have an ice cream bar!

Here we go.      Gratuitous selfie of said missing cord.        Such a happy, smiling cord!

slob, humor, camera cord

Smile! You’re on Camo Cord!

Now, we can finally begin the post!!   (382 words in….)

As I was saying…. SO, here’s the hideous situation to begin:   

slob, humor, porch clutter

Shady stuff

Ok, I think you’ve got a good idea now, of the titanic job we were facing.     Didja notice the sand on the floor?      PP is a true Floridian, and wants her toes in be in the sand, at ALL times!       This was AFTER I’d already given away the white stand, and sewing machine in it!

One of the 2 black chairs was broken, so I asked XH to throw it away.    He asked which one, so I told him “Sit on it!”      Then he was able to figure it out.       😉

A mountain of pillow stuffing/fake snow for Christmas villages rained down into trash bags.       The baby walker went rolling right into Vanronica, followed by so much stuff, I can’t even name it all!!

Here’s the Salvation Army haul for this time:

Yay!     More donations!!

XH, DD1, and I worked for an hour and a half!       3 x 1.5 = 4.5 (wo)man hours.     Wow!!   After XH swept, it looked gorgeous!!       

slob, humor, XH cleans up nicely

Sweep it clean!

 We all stood there dumbstruck that the porch was this big!   We were so used to seeing it piled high with junk, we forgot how nice it really is!

So nice and clean!       And suddenly spacious even!!

Previous Time: 12 hr 58 min

Plus Today’s 4 hr 30 min

Equals :   The envelope please!!     17 hr 28 min

Holy Cow!  I knew 7 was Waaaaay too little, but 17??   Really??

And still more bathroom, 1 bedroom, and the workshop to go!!

I hope I get it all done before I move again!      (Oops!    Let the cat outta the bag!!    Moving posts to come soon!)

 

Seven Seconds Second Sinking

This is the continuation of yesterday’s SS Sinking.

Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds Sequel      

Seven Seconds Scullery 

Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

Seven Seconds Scullery Scape

Seven Seconds Scullery Sunder

Seven Seconds Scullery

Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

Seven Seconds Scullery Scape

Seven Seconds Scullery Sunder

Seven Seconds Scullery Scrape

Seven Seconds Scullery Scaffolding

Seven Seconds Scullery Second Scraping

SS Scullery Scrapings, Scobblelotcher

Seven Seconds Sisters’ Scene

Seven Seconds Scullery Skippy

Seven Seconds Shed

Seven Seconds Shed Seconds

Seven Seconds Sinking

Seven Seconds Second Sinking  – Today’s shipwreck.

I opened the medicine cabinet.        

slob, humor, some bath clutter

Not much clutter.

Not too bad.       The razors are all new, so ok there.     The nails, and clips are for the mirror that’s coming back in.     Shortly, I hope!      I miss my face, as I brush!         This:

slob, humor, trash

Let’s play a round of “Guess how old this is??”

I can’t even remember when I bought it, so better safe than sorry.       File 13.

slob, humor, maybe clutter, maybe not

To which door does this belong???

Maybe this is to the back door??      I think??     Keeping it, cuz I’m not properly dressed to go outside to check it.       And better safe than sorry, in this case too!

slob, humor, useless clutter

By hook or by crook- or both!

When I bought this, (for a penny!!), the idea was for PP to be able to hang up her own towel.       Well, she can’t reach the top of the door, and it didn’t fit on the bottom cabinet door, and as you can see, it’s just been dangling around.         Donate.        Finally!!

Then, I cleaned the rest of the counter,

slob, humor, clean spot!

Remember this filthy spot?? Scroll up! haha  Oops, I mean refer back to yesterday!

AND refilled the soap!      Go me!

Soap dispenser, meet soap.        I’ve been wanting to hook you two up, for a while.

Even scrubbed  wiped out the sink, with only a tiny bit of effort required.      That really brought out the lusciousness of the avocado shine, didn’t it??

slob, humor, clean counter

Whew!! Looking good!!

That feels so good, let’s tackle another spot.      Okay, under here looks like a likely locale.

slob, humor, cluttered spot

The hidey hole.

No, I didn’t say “hiney hole”!!      So, the baby potty seat needs to move on down the road!         But, wait!!       (See what I did there??)         PPJr will be needing that in less than a year!          You’re right!     Ok, we’ll just move it outta sight then, mm kay?

I put it down under, to keep Happy Heater company.     They can have a seat, (aha! I did it again!) chat over cups of ……..   cold water??      Not if HH has anything to do with it!      They can have as hot a cup of water as they want!

Any way…..

slob, humor, bath rugs

Lookit these gorgeous grape rugs!!

They are fabulous!!   The color, the lofty pile, 100% cotton!               Only 1 teensy, tiny tidbit of info, makes them not perfect.       They slip.       They slide.      They slither.               When I last had them on the floor, if I hadn’t still been clutching the wall, I’d have been blogging from a hospital bed!        

So basically, they are useless as rugs.       I even tried them in the bedroom, over the carpet.      No go.      They bunched, they bucked,  they bothered me.         I sad!!       I tried to convince DD1 to let me keep them, and she wasn’t even there!!   {Ah, the delights of camera phones, and texts!}        After much anguish, many tears, and a long drawn out goodbye hug……    I folded them (the least final respect I could give them), and gently placed them in the donate box that had just been standing silently by, observing all the drama, yet not saying a word.       [The same donate box the orange hook had previously dove into.     That was already half full of clothes a friend gave me, that I couldn’t wear cuz they were white.    I can’t wear white.        Why??     Obviously you’ve never seen a slob, with a big bosom eat….]

slob, humor, kid's spade

Hey, there’s her garden spade!

slob, humor, clean cubby

So clean, and un-cluttered!

Then I got motivated to actually clean, the un-cluttered space was so nice and spacious!

slob, humor, dirty floor

Dirty

So, I swept the floor.   Yes, the whole floor!

IMG_20170422_123543       Oops, this is not a sweeping photo!     But it proves I did have out the broom!!      And the rugs are on their way to the donate box!     They got very tired, and had to rest.      I understand that! 

slob, humor, phone selfie

My phone took this pic, all by itself! How did that happen?? Scary!

slob, humor,

Okay, this is an actual cleaning pic! Finally!

I “mopped” the floor with a rag.     Looks good, even if I do say so myself!!

slob, humor, clean-ish floor

Clean floor! Well, clean-ish! Clean-er at least!

When I came back later, never you mind why, I had to pause a minute to admire!

slob, humor, clean bath!

What a good feeling!!

Way to go, Melinda!!!             Thanks!    I appreciate that!          But..…         Yeah??                   I notice you didn’t do the cabinet.           What cabinet??           The one where you got the wipes???

Oh, yah, uh, that cabinet.         Yes, That cabinet.

Well, I opened it, and was instantly overwhelmed, so I shut it again!        That’s ok!     Nony’s done it!            Of course, she took some deep breaths, and opened it again, didn’t she??           

Later!      Or “yaydeh” as PP would say!!        I simply can’t face it!

Bye!   Gotta go!!      The donations are a’raring to go!!


Previous House Time: 12 hr 43 min.

Today’s Work Time: 15 min. Not counting drive time!

 Total House Time Presently: 12 hr 58 min.

(Still ended up with over 800 words, before adding the series stuff!    Wow!!      Someone needs to give me some “brevity” juice!!       I think I drank “wordy” juice by mistake!)

Seven Seconds Sinking

slob, humor, 7 hours????

http://simplydesigning.porch.com/7-hours-to-a-decluttered-home/

Poor Ashley Phipps, doesn’t know me, or my home.       I’m thinking she would run away screaming, if she ever stepped foot in mine!

Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds Sequel      

Seven Seconds Scullery 

Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

Seven Seconds Scullery Scape

Seven Seconds Scullery Sunder

Seven Seconds Scullery

Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

Seven Seconds Scullery Scape

Seven Seconds Scullery Sunder

Seven Seconds Scullery Scrape

Seven Seconds Scullery Scaffolding

Seven Seconds Scullery Second Scraping

SS Scullery Scrapings, Scobblelotcher

Seven Seconds Sisters’ Scene

Seven Seconds Scullery Skippy

Seven Seconds Shed

Seven Seconds Shed Seconds

Now we’re here:  The bathroom.

Or, as I’ve called it,  The “Sinking“.

My heart is sinking, just thinking about going in there.      Yes, the new floor is wonderful!  

slob, humor, beautiful new floor!

But that ugly blue shower curtain just grates on my nerves!!    

slob, humor, ugly bath

I really gotta do something about that!       Who has time?   with all this de-cluttering??     

De-cluttering is more important than decorating, right??       Well, it is when you’re in the middle of a series on de-cluttering!

(Update: Yeah!  I finally did something about that blah blue curtain!!    And my shower time is so purplicious now!! )  

slob, humor, new shower curtain

Isn’t she so lovely?

  

And then there’s this horror:

(No, not the faulty faucet, the other horror.)

slob, humor, hideous avocado color

This picture does not do justice to the glaring hideousness of the (60’s? 70’s?) bright avocado green color.      Shudder!      It makes my hands still feel dirty, even after I wash them!     From the green reflection on my skin!

The Sinking!!

But wait!     We’re not here today to bemoan the hideous state of the bath decor!          We’re here to de-clutter!!

Alright, I’m going in.

First, I looked at the counter.

slob, humor, bath clutter

Not a great pic, but it shows what ya need to see.

These can probably go:

slob, humor, clutter- bath

junk

slob, humor, bath clutter

Yeah, I know there’s still soap in there, but it’s been here since Christmas.

And without any angst, too!!         Yay!

And the pot went back into the tub, where it belongs.    What???    You don’t keep your toy pots in the tub??

slob, humor, bath clutter gone

Clutter be gone! Dirt stayed at home.

There!  Much better already!!

Happy Heater can go.    NO!!!      Not out the door, goofball!!       Under the sink!!

slob, humor, put in its place

Happy Heater’s Hot Home

This needs to stay, tho.    

slob, humor, bathroom need

Necessity

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I so wish these 2 would go!    In the trash!!

So useless!        Do they even make those tiny Dixie cups anymore??       {Wow, this is turning into a photo essay.      Hope y’all enjoy!}


Ya know what??       While I’m here, I’m gonna clean some too!         Don’t get your hopes up!        Nothing too wild n crazy.       Just swipe a wipee around.

 

slob, humor, cleaning supplies

I included the trash can, just so you’d have the full experience! You’re welcome!

Might as well do the toilet.       I know, all the germaphobes thank me from the bottom of their hearts!       You’re welcome!        

But I had already put the wipes back on the shelf.      [facepalm]

slob, humor, cleaning supplies

Back in closet. So efficient, returning it to where it belongs!!

Except when it’s not, because I have to immediately get it back out again!

Leave it to me, to make more work for myself!            

 


Disaster!    

While I was wiping the seat, after the handle, or was that backwards???      Anyway, the wipee fell into the bowl!      Oh no!!        No pix, just grabbed it up real quick before it completely soaked up all the water!       Thankfully the trash can was right there!

Whew, a deep breath to recover from that trauma.

So, that was the end of the toilet cleaning.     I had already swish-and-swiped the bowl the day before.

I’m coming up on 600 words here, so gonna cut it off here.

More tomorrow!


House Time Before: 12 hrs 28 min.

Today’s Tub Time: 15 min.

Total House Time Now: 12 hrs 43 min.