Love Letter

Love Letter to my new  Purple Shower Curtain.

slob, humor, new shower curtain

How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.

#1 I love you to the depth and breadth and height that the bathroom can reach.

#2 Thy long lovely lavender locks flowing from the ceiling to (almost) the floor delight mine eyes.

#3 They shade me from the harsh light, bathing me in soft wondrous lavender hues, delighting my soul.

slob, humor, soft lavender light

#4 Thy great beaded rings gliding along the bar like graceful beaked swans gliding along the pond, maketh mine ears to rejoice in the sound.

slob, humor, shower rings

#5 Thy plastic shields my floor from being flooded, and keepeth my feet dry.

slob, humor, curtain and rug

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#6 The sheer sight of you fills my heart with pure joy.

#7 I love you with the smiles, and tears of my whole life.

slob, humor, kisses

Oh how I love thee!!

#8 And if God choose, I shall but love thee better after your death.

 


Inspiration, and partial author’s credit to 

Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 18061861

 

Shower Shopping

We ALL know how much I hate my blue shower curtain, right??      

                 (And those nasty, green/blue shower hooks!      They made me shudder!!)

  Yes, Melinda, we know.          Okay, then.     Here’s the story of shopping for a new one.

I only had a dollar, and 7 cents.      So, of course I headed to the Dollar Tree.        Love that store!!         I was on a mission.       Get a new shower curtain, or bust!       (Bonus: if I couldn’t find one, I could always get some chocolate bananas as a consolation prize!)

Here’s the selection I found.

Ummmm, not to my taste, to put it delicately.        Frankly, all the patterned ones were U to the G ugly!         The plain white one would have to do, I guess.   sigh       Since the one you might think was purple, was actually a dull blue.     😦

I was impressed however, with the variety!       Considering that they were only a dollar each!

I persevered, and found a clear one.      YAY!!      Then I could still see my ugly walls!!       Ugh.

So, I brought home the clear one.     And it sat.   And it sat…….      Too many “sat”s to say.  

Months went by.          One day, when Sis came over to take me penny shopping at Dollar General, I went by the shower curtain aisle, and found these.

slob, humor, pretty shower curtain hooks

Only $4!!      And they’ll dress up that plain clear curtain, so prettily!!         But, still they sat, and sat, and sat.

I just had no energy to put up the clear curtain, even tho I had these pretty rings to dress it up.        sigh

I was discouraged.

Then something wonderful happened!!        I went to a different DG, with Mama, and lo and behold, what did I see???       Could it be???      YES!!    A purple, honest to goodness purple, shower curtain!!       After I recovered from my swoon, I scooped it up and RAN to the checkout!!          I asked Mama, “Is this purple, like I think it is??”       (Just to make SURE my eyes weren’t deceiving me!!)                   When she said, “Yes”, I almost wept in relief!

slob, humor, PURPLE!! IT"S PURPLE shower curtain           slob, humor, dead blue ugly shower curtain

Haha!      I’m so happy to see the last of that blah blue blob, that I want to dance a jig on its grave!       (But!   Seeing as how I probably couldn’t fit my ski-boat feet into that little garbage can, I better restrain myself!!       But I’m doing it in my head!!)

NOW!!     Introducing my new and improved, beautiful to behold: Purple Shower Curtain!!

slob, humor, so gorgeous!! purple!!

Good eye!    Yup, I’m missing one ring.     I didn’t even notice, (even tho the bottom of the package was slit open, I thought maybe XH had opened it for me) until I hung them all up, and 1 was missing.  

slob, humor, waaaahhhh!(IF you’re wondering about the circles over the eyes, they are see thru holes. This was a mask.)

Ta da!

slob, humor, shower hook as jewelry    I will just focus on all the pretty purple, and fabulous fuschia, and ignore the 1 teeny, tiny flaw.

Now, I’ll probably start living in the shower, instead of on my computer!


Update:  The missing ring had fallen on the rug, that’s why I didn’t hear it!!    I didn’t see it either.     Later, XH saw it, and put it up for me as a surprise!!       Thank you XH!!        All is blissful, and beautiful!!

 

Jenerous Jeanette

My neighbor, Jeanette, gave me this jorgeous (hard “J” lol)  lighthouse for Christmas.    (I know, I know, here it is way into 2017, I’m still bragging yakking about last Christmas!       Well, I’m not done with the topic yet!    Sorry, not sorry!)

slob, humor, lighthouse

As you can see, I’m proudly displaying it outside.     It’s light is solar, so it lights up at night!     So very neat!    slob, humor, solar light

She is so jenerous!     Last year she gave me these gorgeous pictures, that she colored.     She also painted the frames purple.     She’s a great friend!

slob, humor, friend painted      slob, humor, friend painted

What did I give her?     You may ask.      Last year, I gave her an ornament that said something about being a good neighbor.     (Sorry, I didn’t memorize it!)        When I went to visit, the other day, she had it prominently displayed on her tree.      

This year I’m planning to give her one of the cross stitch ornaments I made.

slob, humor, cross stitch ornament

As soon as I find it again!       When I finished it, I put it in the living room, to wrap.       Then PP came over, and poof!       It’s gone!

So, the treasure hunt begins!!      I sure hope it doesn’t take me as long to find it, as it did to finish making it!

Well, never did find it.  

(Update:  this post was written Dec. 7.    I found the ornament on the very bottom of the tree, in the back, next to the wall, where I couldn’t see it, when I was stripping the tree!  On Dec.11, the very night this was published.    That scamp, PP!!    She knew I’d never look back there!)

 So, since I knew where this one was, this is what she got!       She liked it, cuz her tree is predominantly red decorations.       Good job, Melinda!!         Thanks!

slob, humor, finished!

Now, my joy is all gone….

Just kiddin!!      I still have Jesus!!

 

Probably Pro Procrastinator

Here it is Dec.29, and I haven’t even finished making all my Christmas gifts yet.  <groan >    WHAT??   Melinda!!   I can’t believe you!      

Well, you KNOW I’m one terrific procrastinator!      As a matter of fact, probably I’m a pro!   Pro Procrastinator, that is!       That’s fun to say!!      Try to say it 10 times really fast!       (I couldn’t!)

Since our family Christmas Eve got postponed, that gave me a good excuse to just drop what I was doing, and do something else.    After all, I had another week to finish!       Now it’s Thursday, and I have to be done by Sat.      Will I make THIS deadline???        Well, unlike Kim’s Kwilt debacle, there is hope!!

This is the raw state of the cross stitches.    It only took me 20 or so years before  I found them again!          How can that be??           Hellooooo-  ever heard of Hoarders???          And see my name???       The SLOB part???

And here’s how I left them last week:

Sadly, the one on the right is a boo boo.    Instead of sewing right sides together, I did right to wrong.    😦        That’s when I knew it was time to quit sewing that night!!        Tired sewer makes lots of mistakes!!      

Oh wait!  I’m mistaken!     It’s not done wrong!       After looking at it when my eyes aren’t crossed from tired, it’s right!      Whew!       Then I realized, I forgot the hanger!        {shrug}   Oh well, what ya gonna do???        Umm, rip out the stitches, and do it right??         Seriously?    Do you even KNOW me???       Nope, just add it onto the back.!       Like it or lump it!

Then I needed stuffing, but didn’t have any.      Hmmm, was I gonna have to use cut up rags??       Cuz I will!       But, then my eyes landed on this:

slob, humor, stuffing      Perfect!       And so it was!

Now, get off the computer, get over there in your sewing room, and finish them!!         I mean it young lady!!      Or no lunch for you!        WAAAAHHHHH!

slob, humor, crying girl

Fine, but I’m gonna mutter grouchy things about you under my breath.        You don’t scare me!

Stuffed, and waiting for the final stitch in time.       (Shouldn’t have eaten so much!)

There!        Done!!     And it only took 20 years!      Woot!!     I beat my own 9 year record!         (Kim’s Kwilt)

                           One for you, one for me!                 Guess who these 2 are for????

Since my middle name is Joy, I’m keeping that one!     I deserve some reward for all this work!!       And sis collects Nativities, but has run outta shelf space, so two for her!

Now I have Michelle’s present, and neighbor Jeanette’s.      (More about her later.)     Now to go finish the wrapping…..

Finally Christmas is done, done!        For this year…..    mwuahahahaha        You know, it’s already less than 360 days till next Christmas!

 

Angel Angle

We had an ornament exchange at our Women’s Christmas Extravaganza, at Harvest Church, Tuesday, Dec. 13th.   

slob, humor, family    Mama was my guest, Jaime was her guest!      Kristen missed the photo op.

Mama went up to get mine, and of course, I reminded her to get a purple one!      AS if you had to, she is your mother, Melinda!      True!   What was I thinking??

slob, humor, ornament exchange

   Purple Enough, I guess…

I peeked at mine, then re-wrapped it for PP to “open”.    (Thankfully it was in a gift bag!) She was sooo excited to finally get to open a present!     She has been hopefully asking every day, “My pwesent??”     So far, the answer had been “No” every time.       YAY for being able to make her day!!

slob, humor, angel ornament       She was thrilled to see this gorgeous angel!!       We had hangers out, and ready.      Carefully she hung it on the tree.      

slob, humor, angel on tree

 

Speaking of tree, she decorated it all by herself!!        Quite an eye for symmetry she has!!

slob, humor, PP decorated tree

And speaking of angels, this is our “angel” tree topper.

slob, humor, tree topper

 

 

PP picked it out herself (what? you thought I did it??).  Pop gently lifted her up, and she placed it oh so carefully.

 

Isn’t she a pretty, pretty princess??            LOL

PP thinks so, and that’s all that matters!

 

But what are we gonna do next year, when PPJr wants to “help”??        I guess buy double the number of cheap plastic ornaments!!       My glass ones are gonna have to wait several more years, before THEY reappear!

Frabulous Frames

What can I do with ALL these popsicle sticks that were just going in the trash??

slob, humor, popsicle skeletons     {So many ice cream bar skeletons.    smh}

Why, make pop stick frames for presents, from PP and Jr, of course!!

So, I did my part by eating all those ice cream bars.    Then, it should be PP’s turn to wash them, right??     Remember the flood??        Yeah, maybe not the best idea…… Nope, the little red hen has to do it.     Boo hoo.

So that the glue wouldn’t stick, I covered a cookie sheet with tin foil.  

slob, humor, protected pan       What???    You taking precautions beforehand??     I’m shocked!         And, ahem, it’s actually aluminum foil now.    

slob, humor, W for "what"

“What”

 

slob, humor, E for "ever"

“Ever”

Onto the actual project.     Or prep for the project.    Whichev.

  • Lay out the pattern.      slob, humor, sticks in pan, yumm!
  • Dots of glue.    slob, humor, Elmer
  • Lay more sticks on top.       slob, humor, gluing
  • Let dry.      (I’ll spare you the visual.    You’re welcome!)
  • Turn over, add 4th sticks.   slob, humor, framed framed in

OOPS! Ran outta sticks!   Back to the store for more i.c .b.         #Not even kidding.

 

(Frantically licking, as fast as I can.       Wash, and dry more sticks.)

  • Let dry again
  • Have PP paint them her choice of color.

slob, humor, painted frames      She even discovered that blue and red make purple!     It was so much fun to hear her exclaim “Pupeh???”      Then she looked at me in amazement.      Watching a child discover on their own is worth a million dollars to me!   Then, she figured out how to make her own “bwown.”       Never was I a prouder Omie!!

slob, humor, how to make brown

  • Let dry again.
  • Decorate, with sequins, stars, pom poms, whatever you have.

slob, humor, homemade

    • Add yarn, for hanger.

slob, humor, homemade

  • Print out pix, while PP is decorating.   (Done.)
  • Cut to fit.
  • Glue, tape or photo dot in place.
slob, humor, homemade

Can’t show ya the girls, so enjoy looking at Bubba. He’s pretty cute, too.

  • Wrap and give!

Frabulous  Frames!!      (You might want to buy the sticks, if you don’t wanna gain 10 15 lbs in the process!)

Some people in the family are gonna be thrilled with these under their tree!      Ssssshhh!!

Maximum Maxine

Okay, here it is the last Monday before Christmas!!  Are all the cookies made??  And eaten??  Check at my house!!     All the presents wrapped and under the tree??        No??    Are they still at the store??        Jesus’ birthday party all organized??      Outside lights up??       Mine neither!        Tree up??      Check.       Decorated?    Well..   depends on what you call decorated! lol         Enough with the 3rd degree there, Melinda!!

Anyway, on to Maxine, Maximum version! 

slob, humor, Maxine meme

slob, humor, Maxine meme  Nooooooo! slob, humor, Maxine memeslob, humor, Maxine meme

slob, humor, Maxine meme slob, humor, Maxine memeslob, humor, Maxine memeslob, humor, Maxine meme

slob, humor, Maxine meme

slob, humor, MAxine meme

slob, humor, Maxine meme

slob, humor, Maxine meme

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m pretty sure I’ve reached the legal limit of maximum number of Maxine memes in one post!

Annnnnddd, not Maxine, but too funny to miss!!

slob, humor, no words

                                                       ????        Just.no.words.

slob, humor, tree meme    Honesty IS the best policy!

slob, humor, tree meme     OOps!  just a little late! 

slob, humor, tree meme

And I woulda called 9-1-1, but the “I’m a dog” thing….

1 last one….

slob, humor, Batman meme

Bwahahahaha!

Fa  la la la la, la la  la      la.       (Know how many times I had to sing that to get the number of “la”s right???      And if I’m wrong, I don’t wanna be right!)

Merry Christmas!!      Coming soon to a house near you!