“C” Saw

The “C” word again???      Melinda, I’m so proud of you!      You just might turn into a cook after all!!  Really?     You think so?       At my age?        Yup, I really think you’re on your way!        After all, haven’t you cooked once a week for 4 weeks now?          Yes, I have!        Proof that an old dog CAN learn new tricks!

But, of course, just to be safe, I had to self explanatory

“when can you call yourself a cook?”       (I wouldn’t want to get myself in trouble with the law, or anything!)         


 First result:  when can you call yourself a chef? – Page 2 – ChefTalk.com

http://www.cheftalk.com › … › Professional Food Service › Professional Chefs

 
Jan 23, 2005 – 30 posts – ‎26 authors

I know many “nonprofessionals” that can cook killer meals. But are … You can technically call yourself a Chef the minute you are the person …

 


Well, I’m not ABOUT to go so far as to call myself a chef!       Even calling myself a cook still sounds like a stretch to me!      So, on to more results.


Sixth result: (getting hotter!)    

The Difference Between a Cook and a Chef : The Reluctant Gourmet

http://www.reluctantgourmet.com › Education › Culinary Careers

 

Jun 15, 2011 – Do You Know The Difference Between a Professional Chef and a Cook? To most … A cook, on the other hand, can expect to: Prepare …. I couldn’t agree more, and the CUSTOMER doesn’t care what you call yourself

slob, humor, chefs

At the bottom of the page, as a related search: 

A cook is a person who prepares food for consumption. A cook is sometimes referred to as a chef, although in the professional kitchen, the terms are not interchangeable.
slob, humor, housewife as cook

YAY!!!!        So, I can officially call myself a cook now!!!       I have accomplished that goal!!      All done now, thanks.        I can die in peace.

slob, humor, me cooking!

Grungy Grabage

Uh, Melinda?

Yeah?

Grungy Grabage makes no sense.    {Also, it rhymes with cabbage, but I digress.}

OOPS!    Sorry!    That’s supposed to be grungy garbage, not grabage.

Well, that does make more sense then.

Y’all know I’m not too proud to show ya ALL my grungy grunk.     But, what am I to do when I keep forgetting to document it??

Recreate it??

Only when it’s something like a to-do list!     Not gonna purposefully make my garbage can really grungy again, just to photograph it!

Not to worry, it’ll get grungy again on its own!     Then you can take a pic!     How’s that??

ARGH!!          Okay, think, think!!     (sound of creaky wheels turning)      Alright, I know!     I’ll just wait and take a pic of the dirty water, in the can, and that will show how dirty it WAS!

Brilliant!      But, hey, what made you think of washing the trash can anyways?      That’s not something you usually do!

Ya got me there!     I went to throw something away, and it was across the room, so I grabbed it, pulled it closer, then, BLAM!       My olfactory nerves were so severely assaulted, that my neuro-pathways temporarily shut down.     I was paralyzed for a few seconds, but then the horrendous stench acted like smelling salts, and brought me back outta the daze.   I hurriedly tied up the offending bag, handed it to SF, dumped a gallon of soap in there, and sprayed it half full of hot water.     My quick thinking action is probably what saved my life. If I had sniffed that any longer, I’d probably been paralyzed for life!!     The amount of toxins per liter was eleventy bajillion!!

(Wonder where I can learn how to install a scratch-n-sniff sticker??)

So, here’s the dirty water pic ya wanted to see.

slob, humor, filthy

Isn’t it glorious??

Uh, not really.    Unless glorious now means gross, that is!     Besides, I didn’t want to see it!     You wanted to see it!

And now, ta-da!!          

slob, humor, still dirty

Nope, not clean, just dry.

Oh, oops!    Someone didn’t realize there was water in it, and threw in a coupla paper towels.       That took care of that!        Now, it’s all dry!          Thanks, XH!!       But, still dirty.         Guess there’s nothing else for it, but to scrub by hand, since the-soapy -water-left-to-itself method didn’t work.

So, I had to get out the 

slob, humor, lysol wipes   and actually scrub!     Because after all this time, (to my shame I started this post 3 months ago) the dirt had hardened back again.     Pictorial proof:

slob, humor, scrubbing      Now, Ta-da!!       For realz this time!!

The pretty, clean, and completely grungy-grabage-free can!       (All you cleanies hide your eyes, you will probably faint.)slob, humor, clean can

Well, okay, except for that 1 spot on the side.    And that little dirt at the bottom.  

slob, humor, cleanish trash can

But, I promise  it is a sterile spot, and sterile dirt!      I have the acid eaten hands to prove it!  Fine!      I’ll go back and wipe again.

Better now??      Ummm, how bow dah??      The spot is still there!slob, humor, cleaner can

And, it’s gonna stay there!!     I couldn’t scrape it off with my thumb nail, and it’s been thoroughly sterilized, so good enough for me!

I’m calling DONE!

Touted Towels

After reading Cami’s sweet post about folding towels, of course my mind goes on a tangent. You already know my mind doesn’t work like anyone else’s!     And I started writing.     

So, to start off my premise, I had to research the “Right” way to fold towels.   And of course, plenty of people are ready to school me!

Better Homes and Gardens: http://www.bhg.com/homekeeping/laundry-linens/clothes/how-to-fold-a-towel/      Who’s got time for all that smoothing mess??  She looked like she was trying to iron it with her hands!!      Does it not absorb water, if there’s a wrinkle anywhere on it??     Besides, since I’m not a hotel, no one’s paying me to fold my towels!      Moving on.

slob, humor, folded towels

Sure it looks pretty, but does anyone even notice??

The River Club: http://theriverclubtn.com/2016/09/an-easy-checklist-for-organizing-your-bathroom/

slob, humor, folding towels

Eeeeekk!!    Now ya gotta measure your shelf, every time ya fold the towels??      Too much Math!!        No thanks!

Then, of course I can’t leave out Marie Kondo, the new guru on all things folded.

My head hurts already.     I’ve seen a video of her folding stuff.     I just say NO.     (Remember when DD1 Kon-Maried my undie drawer??)       

slob, humor, folded underwear

Won’t ever happen again in my lifetime!!       Anyway, back to towels…

My towels just feel lucky to have a safe, dry place to call home!     They’re not at all fussy about precise placement.      They want to just lounge, and stretch out their legs fibers.

slob, humor, unfolded towels

Well, okay, so their fibers are not stretched out exactly, but they’re balled up in their own chosen position!

In fact, if I started folding them precisely, and lining them up, in straight rows, I think they’d call the the Towel Abuse Hotline, and report me!!      They would NOT enjoy such treatment, and would deem it torture!

No call to take a perfectly relaxed towel, and twist it into a pretzel, just for a human’s sense of pride, and pleasure.     Those towels sure like a lot like pretzels to me.      Whatever!    My point is they are relaxed, not regimented within an inch of their lives!       Towels are people too!       They have feelings!

Linen closets are for stuffing storing the towels, not for visual enjoyment!

Smart & Simple

Yeah, that’s the name of the dish soap I bought last week.      This whole HUGE bottle             (50 oz) for only $1!!!       What a bargain!

slob, humor, just what it says

But!!      Is it really smart??         Is it as simple as that??

Since it doesn’t lather up very well, at all, Like, At ALL, it’s very smart for the people who make, and sell it!       They’re selling a “soap” product that is probably only 11% soap, (and that’s being very generous!!), and 89% water!!        They can afford to sell it for $1, since it only has 1 cent of soap in it!

And I’m the simple one, for believing that a huge bottle of dish soap for $1, would work  well!!       

slob, humor, dish soap?

I had to use another squirt for every dish I washed!         Not a good deal.      Not even a fair deal.

I must say, I love the color, tho!!        (Thank goodness for the bottle specifying lavender!   Otherwise, I might have mistaken it for lilac!)

Sadly, purple coloring doth not a good soap make.      Even I, as purple fanatic as I am, can admit that.

slob, humor, "Dawn" fainted

Dawn fell down, and can’t get up.      She is in shock that I cheated on her.    And with such a cheap floozy, too.

Please forgive me, Dawn!       I’ve learned my lesson!      I won’t do it again!    I promise!!

 

(But I am brainstorming ways to have my purple, and real soap too!)

Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

                                            The series so far.                                             

Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds Sequel

Seven Seconds Scullery

Where we are now: Day 2 of the Kitchen:  Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

 

(Are ya tired of “S” words??        Don’t get that way yet!!        We still have seventy sillion scripts to slog thru!        More or less.)

We already have 2 hours on the scullery clock.      (That’s my decision, and I’m sticking to it.)

Today we are doing the scary spice cabinet.      I’m thinking something has gotta be rotten in there!!       Because I haven’t de-cluttered that in a year, nor the 6 months before that, in the other trailer.     Yeah, so, about that…..

Donning our Haz-mat suit, are we??         I’m thinkin’ that might be best, yes.

Timer set.      Haz-mat suit donned.    Trash can at the ready.     GO!

BEFORE:

DURING:

slob, humor, cleaning shelf

I know this is also the step where ya’re supposed to lay down new shelf liner.     Why bother?      This paper has worked perfectly well for 50 years!        Why change now?     (Well, except for the pieces that got stuck to the bottom of things, and tore off.        But, why quibble?       Besides, I still haven’t found any purple, and I’m holding out hope.) 

Update:   Elizabeth, from The Comfortable Coop, sent me these links from Amazon!  

(Gorgeous!!    But, I’m gonna have to skip the middle one, I feel a seizure coming on, already…)        And 1 is on its way to me now!!    I’ll post later to show ya which one!!     Thanks a million, Elizabeth!!

slob, humor    These got thrown back up onto the top shelf, to be dealt with another day.        I was too tired to think of the best place to put them.

Does oil expire??                Never used these- donate.                 Cleaned this.     YAY!!

And ALL the expired stuff:

I bought the black coloring for Bubba’s 50th.     3 years ago.              You can tell how much I don’t cook, by how little the spices were used!!    I couldn’t even begin to read the red print on the bottom of the oregano bottle, so I just guessed that it probably was past date.       Probably a good guess!          I thought it was funny that one of the spices said “May contain wheat, eggs, milk, soy.”          Since when???      

slob, humor, meds outta place  No wonder it’s hard to find the girls’ meds!!        But, alas, it was expired too.      So, I just put the syringe where it belongs. 

slob, humor, meds

1 more syringe in our arsenal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These canning jar lids- PURPLE!!- should probably be in the back closet, WITH the PURPLE jars!        And so they are, now.

slob, humor, not mine!     Took these 2 things to Mama’s with me.      Yay for returning stuff to it’s home!

 

AFTER:

There!       Doesn’t that look so much better!

And look!    There’s mug hooks!       I could have kept those 2 I donated the other day!      Oh well, somehow I think I’ll make it okay without them.         Just a hunch.

And that only took    _25_ minutes!            I’m so proud of me!         If you can’t get a hold of me later, I’ll be standing in the kitchen, just staring into the open cabinets, admiring the open clean spaces!!

 

Scullery Time so far: 2 hours, 25 minutes.

 

Shower Shopping

We ALL know how much I hate my blue shower curtain, right??      

                 (And those nasty, green/blue shower hooks!      They made me shudder!!)

  Yes, Melinda, we know.          Okay, then.     Here’s the story of shopping for a new one.

I only had a dollar, and 7 cents.      So, of course I headed to the Dollar Tree.        Love that store!!         I was on a mission.       Get a new shower curtain, or bust!       (Bonus: if I couldn’t find one, I could always get some chocolate bananas as a consolation prize!)

Here’s the selection I found.

Ummmm, not to my taste, to put it delicately.        Frankly, all the patterned ones were U to the G ugly!         The plain white one would have to do, I guess.   sigh       Since the one you might think was purple, was actually a dull blue.     😦

I was impressed however, with the variety!       Considering that they were only a dollar each!

I persevered, and found a clear one.      YAY!!      Then I could still see my ugly walls!!       Ugh.

So, I brought home the clear one.     And it sat.   And it sat…….      Too many “sat”s to say.  

Months went by.          One day, when Sis came over to take me penny shopping at Dollar General, I went by the shower curtain aisle, and found these.

slob, humor, pretty shower curtain hooks

Only $4!!      And they’ll dress up that plain clear curtain, so prettily!!         But, still they sat, and sat, and sat.

I just had no energy to put up the clear curtain, even tho I had these pretty rings to dress it up.        sigh

I was discouraged.

Then something wonderful happened!!        I went to a different DG, with Mama, and lo and behold, what did I see???       Could it be???      YES!!    A purple, honest to goodness purple, shower curtain!!       After I recovered from my swoon, I scooped it up and RAN to the checkout!!          I asked Mama, “Is this purple, like I think it is??”       (Just to make SURE my eyes weren’t deceiving me!!)                   When she said, “Yes”, I almost wept in relief!

slob, humor, PURPLE!! IT"S PURPLE shower curtain           slob, humor, dead blue ugly shower curtain

Haha!      I’m so happy to see the last of that blah blue blob, that I want to dance a jig on its grave!       (But!   Seeing as how I probably couldn’t fit my ski-boat feet into that little garbage can, I better restrain myself!!       But I’m doing it in my head!!)

NOW!!     Introducing my new and improved, beautiful to behold: Purple Shower Curtain!!

slob, humor, so gorgeous!! purple!!

Good eye!    Yup, I’m missing one ring.     I didn’t even notice, (even tho the bottom of the package was slit open, I thought maybe XH had opened it for me) until I hung them all up, and 1 was missing.  

slob, humor, waaaahhhh!(IF you’re wondering about the circles over the eyes, they are see thru holes. This was a mask.)

Ta da!

slob, humor, shower hook as jewelry    I will just focus on all the pretty purple, and fabulous fuschia, and ignore the 1 teeny, tiny flaw.

Now, I’ll probably start living in the shower, instead of on my computer!


Update:  The missing ring had fallen on the rug, that’s why I didn’t hear it!!    I didn’t see it either.     Later, XH saw it, and put it up for me as a surprise!!       Thank you XH!!        All is blissful, and beautiful!!

 

Seven Seconds Scullery

Are you scratching your head in perplexity??       Seven seconds scullery is about the kitchen!!        I learned that word as a teen, reading Gothic romances.      It’s a great word too!       It almost sounds like a curse word, if you inject enough venom, and disgust into your voice!

Yes, indeed, good old 7 hours to a  blah blah…..         Day 1- the scullery.             My nemesis.   Is it really the kitchen??        Or the dirty dishes IN the kitchen??       That YOU put there??               Hmmm, you might have a point there.

Time to tackle the titan.      I realize in Ashley’s list, kitchen came first.    But, since I’m a rebel, I did it second.       I think it’s okay, no penalties assessed.

This is the series so far.

Seven Seconds

I did the living room first.

Second Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds Sequel

Yes, it took me two posts, and 2 hours! to do the living room.      Moving on.

You might remember, I’ve purged the kitchen before- in this house! Not to mention the times I did it before that, in the apartment!

So here are the befores:

(Mine is the lovely 60’s shelf paper!      Hurray!      My eyes got to be burned the whole time!   I can still see that pattern on my retinas!

XH helped me.     (He really is so good to me!      Besides he’s here so much, helping with the girls, the messy cabinets were on his nerves!)

He did 2 cabinets to my 1!     But, I had a handicap!    I had to sit on this stool of PP’s, so I could reach the lower cabinet!

slob, humor, step stool

As you can imagine, it was not comfortable, to say the least!!       Our baselines, didn’t match measurements!

During:

slob, humor, middle of de-cluttering

The white canister bit the dust.     It took us the longest time to even figure out what it was!  Kool-aid.         Sorry, Sis!

We wiped out the shelves, and XH looked at all the expiration dates.      Every.single.one.   I don’t have the patience to do that!!

Funny thing is, this is what we garnered to donate.

slob, humor, donate    And we weren’t even to the utensil drawer yet!     (No, SF, I’m not donating your pink water bottle.  It will be returned home to you.)

(Queen Anne, do you see those purple things????      I might have had duplicates, so I was able to let them go.     Actually, I had 7 mugs, so…..)

And afters:

slob, humor, neat, and clean     Yeah, I know.     You can see that the boxes of popsicles are not neatly stacked.      Who’s got time for that??

Ah!     So much better!        So neat!          So organized!        We can see what we have!      (Best of all, I didn’t have to pay him, like I did Nicole!!)

And it was only 1 hour on the clock!       Of course, that was 2 man hours. (well, 1 man hour, and 1 woman hour, so do I count it as 2 hours??)  

But we only got 3 cabinets done in an hour, with both of us working.       😦       It’s gonna be a l-o-n-g   scullery series!!