Filthy Filter

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Declutterathon, to bring you this fabulous fable.      We apologize for the disruption.      The Declutterathon should return tomorrow, at it’s regularly scheduled time.     Thank you for your patience.

 

This is a forlorn little fable about a filthy filter.

Once upon a time, there was a happy little filter, named Filip.   slob, humor, clean

He loved his job, filtering the air to make it pure.    He loved his cozy little, cave-like home.  Everything was good.

 

But, as time went on, his outlook slid more and more into the GRIM.    (Shout out to Gary for the word.   https://fictionisfood.wordpress.com/2016/02/07/the-grim/ )    His once bright, clear view of the world turned darker, and darker.    He felt like he couldn’t breathe.    His skin felt like the fleece of a sheep that hadn’t been sheared for 7 years.    He despaired of ever seeing the sun again.

slob, humor, filthy

But, one day he heard a noise.    What could that be?     He heard a voice say, “Oh my!   No wonder!   Look how filthy this filter is!”

slob, humor, filthy

“At last!”    he thought.     “Things are gonna change for the better now!      I will get cleaned up, be able to breathe, and do my job more efficiently again!”

He felt himself being lifted up, flying thru the air.   He turned his head, looking back tward his cave.

“Hey!    What’s Frank, my younger cousin doing going there??    Hey, Frank!!   NO!!    That’s MY cave!     That’s MY job!!

slob, humor, clean

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As he settled in, Frank thought to himself, “Wow!!   This sure is a premo cave, and a cushy job!    Why did Filip leave like that, without any notice??    Oh well, his loss, my gain.!”

 

 

Poor little filthy filter Filip, discarded on the ash heap of life.

 

Meandering Memes

Don’t even  have a theme, I don’t think today.

slob, humor, date meme

For some reason, I just love her.    Maybe because I’ve been her???    Nah….

slob, humor, sleep meme

Aww, poor Hammie!!

Nope!   NO theme, just the first 10 memes I came to, in my folder of memes.

slob, humor, exercise meme    Now see, here’s where the trainer would die!

slob, humor, dating meme     Perfect!!    Of course, after she’s 35, she can befriend anyone she wants!

slob, humor, meme     I totally get that!!

slob, humor, exercise meme     Wow, I beat her record!

slob, humor, clutter meme     I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder.

slob, humor, age meme     I think I’ve used this one before, so I’ll throw 1 extra in today.   How’s that?

slob, humor, exercise meme

Me too, kitteh!! Me too!

slob, humor, food meme

Me too!!

slob, humor, 80s meme

Oh yeah!!      Until your neighbor walks over and yells “Hang up the phone!”     {Yes, kids, we had an ancient form of phone service called party lines.   Everyone shared, and you could eavesdrop!    Until Mom saw you!!}

slob, humor, lazy meme    <sigh>   Me too.

There you have it.   Meandering memes for this Monday.

 

Living Litter

Here are pix of how my living room looked on Father’s Day.

slob, humor, mess

A living litter pix, for sure.

Okay, technically, this is my “dining room”, but since it smack dab next to my living room, with no separation, I think you can bear with me!

slob, humor, mess

More living litter, edge of living room that abuts dining room.

(Yeah, same chair as in first pix, now just decorated with a pretty dress.  It wanted to dress itself up for the holiday!)

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Can you say “litter”??   I know you can!     Yes, I’m a litter bug, even inside!

slob, humor, littered table

My recliner-side table. smh

I spread my special brand of mess hither and yon!

slob, humor, living in mess

What?? It’s a living room! WE live in it!

 

Okay, so someone needed to do something about this.   Volunteers??   Anyone??

crickets

So, it looked like it was up to the Little Red Hen, er, I mean the Big Purple Slob.

It was Father’s Day, not Mother’s Day, so no excuse to be lazy there.

I huffed, and I puffed, and I blew some mess down.

slob, humor, less mess

Ok, so that looks a” litter” better, right??

 

Well, I guess…..

Of course it does!   The “dressed” chair is gone, so is the green Publix bag, the box with shoes, and the pile on the TV tray is lower!!  It looks lots better!

slob, humor, clean patch of floor

Wow! Now I’m impressed! And it looks like you even swept too!

 

Thank you for noticing!

slob, humor, tidier

You even swept here too??

 

Why yes, I did!   I told you, I was the Little Red Henthe Big Purple Slob that day, cleaning like there was no tomorrow!

Nice!

slob, humor, neater table

Last, but not least, my recliner side table is now usable!

 

(Nobody noticed that I didn’t show an “after” of the dining room, right??)

No, no one at all.

Whew!! Oh, good!!   Cuz the Big Purple Slob turned into the big lazy purple slob again, after I ran outta elbow grease, and peach Fanta!!

But, hey, the living room litter was less!!

 

 

stalled stallion

Remember when I said this would be my last Wendy’s cup EVER??

 

slob, humor, drink

Wendy is such a cutie! And a cup chock full of sweet nectar!

 

Yeah, well…

After happily galloping along for months, weeks, okay, days, I fell off the sugar free stallion.

slob, humor, drinking peach Fanta

I feel so guilty. But I can’t stop!

 

Ahem?

Ok, I dove off head first into a vast vat of Peach Fanta.

slob, humor, peach fanta

The vast vat was almost empty when I remembered to stop and take the pic. Should I get another one to retake the pic???

 

Watch out, here come the whiny excuses.

I was on a trip, and my nerves were stretched.   I hate traveling!!    I just needed a little pick me up.   (To go see DD2 grad.   Did I mention she’s a Dr. now???)

Then I got a ticket, {oh, did I forget to mention that??}, so then I really had to soothe my nerves!!

Then once I got home, why even bother to try now???

slob, humor, cup

Just like every slob needs a peach Fanta!

 

Yeah, soooo…. No more grandiose, sweeping promises of never, ever cheating again.

Just gonna saddle ‘er up, and get to gitting!

No more letting this stallion be stalled!

Toddler Tornado

This toddler of mine, can be a veritable tornado!   She tears thru the house, cutting a wide swath of destruction in her wake!

Crafty crap stuff

slob, humor, craft mess

At least we know she’s creative!

 

Paint part

 

slob, humor, paint splotch

Purple paint on the counter.

 

Chocolate choice

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She really enjoys her chocolate!    And generously shares with the cabinet, and table, and chair, and refridge door……

 

Glitter glue on white table??

slob, humor, toddler mess

I recognize the purple paint….. and probably that’s chocolate…. or maybe that’s the glitter glue, and due to Omie brain, I just can’t remember?

 

Tore up toys

slob, humor, mess

My personal mess, well, one of them! And not just my mess, to be fair (to me!!) it’s PP’s mess!

Oh good one, Melinda, blame the baby.

Hey, looks like she tried to corral the toys.   Did good too for an almost 3 yo!

Well, maybe we do need to work a little bit harder on the concept of cleaning up.   Oh, she knows what it is alright!    She just knows, anything goes at Omie’s.    Oh me!

And none of it matters!!   Cuz I LOVE that toddler!!   Tornado, and all!

Willow Wonders Witnessed

Willow Wonders  was a challenge from Momma, to answer Willow’s  many, many questions. Yesterday, or was it the day before???  You witnessed the first part of her wonders.   Today you will witness the second part.

Take it away Willow.

 

Are book covers important in getting you to read a book?

Oh yes!!   If it’s purple, that pretty much guarantees I’ll pull it out and look at it!

How many shoes do you have? Are there any orphan shoes? Why do you keep them?

Shoes, you say??    Well, I had only 1 pr, when I was a major minimalist.   (Besides 1 pr slippers.)    Then I practically became Imelda Marcos, and doubled my inventory to two prs.  No orphans!   If there were, I’d still be barefoot!

slob, humor, shoes

That’s all folks!       (Those toes are such attention hogs!!)

How would you describe your housekeeping strategy?

Hoo boy!!   A toughie!     All ya have to do is reread the name of my blog, and you have a real good idea of my strategy!   As in- none that you can see.

If you could be a superhero, would you take that chance?

I’m a mama, and now an Omie, so didn’t I already???

If you had the wherewithal to invent something, anything, what would it be?

A totally self cleaning house!!

If you had to live for a month on what’s in your refrigerator, would you make it?

Umm, considering half the stuff in there is likely rotting…. probably not!

Name something that seemed inconsequential but had a huge influence on your life (for example, a commercial, a postcard, or something you might have overheard).

Man, these are deep questions!!    How long did it take you to think them up??   Um, learning to read when I was 5.

How do you feel about the idea of Artificial Intelligence? Or robots in general?

Terrified!   But how do we know they’re not already here??   DD1 jokes that Sweet Friend is one, because he pretends not to have emotions.

What “redneck” (unsophisticated) activity do you like to do?

Better to ask what “highbrow” thing I like to do!  Cuz I am a redneck!   Proudly so!   Ok, I love to go barefoot, ALL the time!

slob, humor, bare feet

These little piggies…

What (if anything) do you think is beyond the stars?

God, and heaven.

What are the most common lies your peer group tells?

Blondes have more fun.   Age is just a number.

Are there characteristic about yourself that you find annoying in other people?

Does reading out loud count??   Cuz I HATE to listen to people read out loud.   If that doesn’t count, let’s see…   Oh, definitely impatience!

What do you think of when you think of California?

Earthquakes, smog, sunshine, Hollywood which is almost synonymous with evil, in my mind.  Too much sex, violence, and death in movies.

Is there a food that is too much work for you to eat?

Crab legs.  EX did them for me, when we were married!    I loved him so much, at those times!

And still Willow has more questions!!   She is a very inquisitive girl.  (or woman.  I still don’t know her, much to my embarrassment.)

But, that’s all we have time for today, folks.   See ya next time, same slob time, same slob channel!

Blogger Blessing

Another AWARD!!  Yay me!!   I just love recognition, awards, applause…  basically any attention at all!!   Yep, I’m an attention hound!

Brenda, a new friend at Camellia’s Cottage, nominated me for a second Blogger Recognition Award.  Here’s her link, so you can go visit her.     https://camelliascottage.com/2016/06/04/blogger-recognition-award

She’s a true southern lady!   Make sure ya tell her I sent ya, ya hear?

slob, humor, awards

How pretty is this?? Thank you Brenda!

 

 

Now, Bloggers – should you choose to accept this award, here are the rules:

  • Write a post to show your award.
  • Acknowledge the blogger who nominated you.
  • Give a brief story of how you started your blog.
  • Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  • Nominate 15 bloggers who deserve this award.

 

Well, of course I accept!!   Y’all who know me, know I’m an attention hog fer sure!!

So, here comes #1!!

And this is it!!   Thank you, Brenda, for the nomination!   I’m so glad I found you, and made a new friend!   What a blessing!

Oh wait!  Was that #1, or #2??   Do I have start all over again, cuz I mixed it up??  

gets all in a tizzy, runs around like a chicken with its head chopped off, and faints from the exertion

Well, I was sick (and tired) of having a nasty house, hence the slob part of the name.   And, I love adore  am passionate about the color purple, hence that part of my name.  I was plain sick, too.   Hence the recovery part of the name.   {Are you tired of seeing “hence” yet??}

So, I hunted around Googled “slob”.   ASlobComesClean came up.   Once I read her first post, I was hooked!   I had found my people!   AND, she was a real slob, just like me!   SO, I thought to myself, “Self, if Nony can do it, so can you!”

And here I am, 2 years later, an expert slogger!   {slob blogger, I’m also lazy, so anytime I can make 1 word do, I will!}    (Expert- Bwahaha!   I think I’m so funny!)

slob, humor, appreciation

No, thank YOU!!

 

I certainly hope that was brief enough to qualify for #3!

#4. Hmmm, give advice…  That sounds so bossy!   And I’m just the woman for the job!!   I’ve been told I’m bossy, ever since Bro. could talk!  So, about 5 decades now!   (But, just cuz it’s repeated {constantly}, doesn’t mean it’s true.   Right?   RIGHT???

      First piece of advice, make sure you really want to do this!!   It sucks all your time!!   But, it’s so rewarding and fun, you don’t care!!   My BBFF (Best Blogging Friend Forever) Janice, assures everyone that we can blog, and still find the time to sleep!!

giphy

 

      Second, and this is IMPERATIVE!!!    Learn how to properly use hyperlinks!!   And use those puppies every opportunity you get!!   {Kinda like I did in this post!!}

Okay, last but not least, name 15 other bloggers to grace with my presence, oops, I mean this award!

Whew! I made it thru the first 4 rules, for me that’s amazing!

Here are my suckers nominees, in no particular order:

Gary

Brenda (no, not the same one, but that gives me an idea!) 

slob, humor, idea

Oh how I WANT to have purple hair! (again)

 

 

 

 

 

Lydia

Shea

Ethel, I mean Claremary

Romy (a brand new friend!)

Linda

David

Anne

Suzy

Bun

Stella (She purfylles my life!)

Momma

Susie  (Yes, I can have 2 friends with the same name, even 2 sets of friends with the same names!)

Nancy