Quilting Quagmire

I had to have a serious talk with Melinda this morning.         “Listen here, Melinda, this is beyond ridiculous!!      Curtis has been waiting more than 2 years now for Shirley’s quilt!   (Since June 2015, to be exact.)       You are grounded until future notice.      Get over there and sew!”

She wasn’t happy with me, but she knew I was right.    So, in a little bit, she texted me these.      

                                                                       Ya happy now?

No, as a matter of fact, I’m not.     I won’t be happy till you have it done, and in Curt’s hot little hands!        So, get off the phone, and chain yourself to that machine woman!!


So, she did.      We’ll see how long it takes her to finish.      It’s already 3/4th done, for Pete’s sake!     And she doesn’t even have to quilt it!      All she has to do is piece the top!       (Curtis wisely confiscated the batting, and backing, long ago, figuring it would take her the rest of the decade to do it ALL.   Good move, Bubba.     You know your procrastinating sister too well.


I try to relax, and read, as the seconds, minutes, and slow, slow hours tick by.

Suddenly…

“YAY!” Melinda shouted, startling me.

“Are you done?? ”  I asked, ever hopeful.

“Yes!”       “Really? ”  I queried suspiciously.

“Well, I’m done with the width….”        Back to the machine for you!!  

“But I’m hungry!   And I need to go potty!”  Melinda whined.

“Fine, take a break, but make it snappy!” I growled.


(More hours, and then days go by…..)


“I’m duh-hunnnnn!” Melinda singsonged.

Oh my goodness!       Can it be true??        I think I better sit down before I faint!!

“Here it is!” Melinda proudly exclaims.

I pore over every square, and every seam.          Well, that didn’t work out very well, did it?

slob, humor, quilt mistake

Oopsie!       Nobody’s gonna notice 1 teensy mistake, right??

“Yeah, about that…..  mistakes happen, when you’re tied to the machine.     Makes it hard to maneuver.”  Melinda tried to justify.       “The important thing is , it’s DUN DUN!!”


All of this was optimistically written last February, before I started de-cluttering so hard.

And today is Tuesday, July 31, 2017.

So, yeah, Melinda if you would just seriously GET IT DONE!!       That would be great!

I tried!!       Really I did!

Tasty Tuna Two  explains what happened…..

.


And here we are on Monday, 8/21.      Thankfully, still 2017!

And it really is done!!

Seriously??          YES!!          See??

slob, humor, Shirley's quilt top

Ain’t it so purdy??

Oh, you mean the top is pieced.         Well, yeah, I said it’s done!          The whole quilt isn’t done until you have all 3 layers, and they are quilted together.

Oh, well then.        The top is done!!         I will show off the results to Sis Shirley on Friday, and regain possession of the missing 2 layers.       That is if Curtis trusts me enough to return them!!        He might decide to keep the top, and teach himself to quilt!        

It would probably get done in the same amount of time!

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Torrid Tile Tale

There was a torrid love affair between a ceiling tile, Tina, and a door, Donny.

They were inexplicably drawn together.    Even though, Donny was too tall for her, and  every time he opened, he dug a deeper hole in her skin.     

“You hurt me”, Tina cries.     “It’s physical agony when you come to me, and emotional when you leave me.    But I want you to stay,  just because I love you so much.”

Donny apologizes.       Then says “Bye for now my love.   I must go.”          

“Come back!”  Tina begs.          “I will, but gotta go, now” soothes Donny.

“I need answers!” Tina cries.     “Do you love me or her?”      

Donny is torn between 2 lovers.

slob, humor, jealous door frame

Francie the frame

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The jealous door frame, Francie, tells Tina, “Huh- you think he’s yours?  Well, he ALWAYS comes back to me.”

Tina was frantic, and lovesick.       Her big brothers, Tommy, Tony, Timmy, and Tammy (Don’t you dare make fun of his name!!), decided to take matters in their own hands.   They visited Donny, and had a heart-to-heart.       By the time they had cut him down to size, he agreed to leave Tina alone, and never touch her again.

Tina was furious at the “T”s.      But she knew in her heart, they only did the best thing for her.     No one should ever put up with abuse, under the guise of love.

She pitied Francie, who learned one day to her sorrow, that Donny was not all that.       But by the time she learned the truth, she had had every board in her broken, and was left with 3 little door jambs to support, all by herself.

slob, humor, 3 little door frames

The 3 fatherless little door frames.

 

 

Moral of the story; Make the doors keep their splinters to themselves!

Router Ruse

Hide-a-router-in-a-book      

slob, humor, hide the router in a book

Lol, took ya a minute to even find the router?

This is pure genius!!      I hate my ugly router.  

I can’t wait to try this one!   But, but…. desecrate a BOOK?????   I’m not sure about that….. BUT, I hate my router!!    So, if a ruse like hiding it in a book works……  Maybe, just maybe I need to try it!   I might like it!

Hmmmm, I don’t have any hardcover books that size.   Shopping trip!    Thrift shop, or Salvation Army here I come!!

So, would this be recycling, up-cycling or re-purposing??  I get so confused!!

 

(Another golden oldie post, that has aged beyond good cheese.  And I totally took care of this problem by cancelling my internet!     Saved $1.25 for a used book!!)

Filthy Fan

This is my filthy fan on the front porch.

slob, humor, fan

Fearfully filthy fan

See how the blades appear gray??   Yeah, they’re actually white, or beige??

Shameful!!  That thing needs a good wash!   It’s a wonder it’s still working, with that ton  of dirt and dust on it!    

I know!   The lady who lived here before should be ASHAMED of herself for having such a filthy fan on her porch!!

What??    You were talking to ME????

But, but…..I’ve only lived here 6 months!!!   (whine whine whine)   Why is it my fault???     (Correction: I’ve now lived here a year, and 4 months!!    Yeah, I started this post 16 months ago!!  And the fan is still filthy!!)         For shame, Melinda!

On my last day, of emptying the trailer out, I decided to actually quit procrastinating, and just clean the thing.

slob, humor, dust snakes

Swipes from the first 2 blades.

My, what lovely dust snakes, you have Melinda!             Why, thank you, Melinda!

slob, humor, sweeping

Showing the last step in the process.

slob, humor, clean fan!

And Ta-Da!

So, I was right both times.     The blades are beige, and the sides are white!

slob, humor, clean(er) fan blade

Oops! Didn’t get it all clean.

And I’m sure it cools better now too!        But, I’ll never know, being as how the electric was already off!

At least I left it in better condition than I found it.

Frightfully filthy fan forgone.

Workshop Working

Oops!    This is a Seven Seconds Series post, and I forgot to alliterate it to that.       Drats!     Oh well, hopefully we will all live thru it!

Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds Sequel  

Seven Seconds Scullery 

Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

Seven Seconds Scullery Scape

Seven Seconds Scullery Sunder

Seven Seconds Scullery

Seven Seconds Scullery Spices

Seven Seconds Scullery Scape

Seven Seconds Scullery Sunder

Seven Seconds Scullery Scrape

Seven Seconds Scullery Scaffolding

Seven Seconds Scullery Second Scraping

SS Scullery Scrapings, Scobblelotcher

Seven Seconds Sisters’ Scene

Seven Seconds Scullery Skippy

Seven Seconds Shed

Seven Seconds Shed Seconds

Seven Seconds Sinking

Seven Seconds Second Sinking

Seven Seconds Shade

Seven Seconds Siesta

Whirled thru working on the workshop today.    (Sat.  Should have done it Wed!!)

In an hour, I quick sorted thru half of the workshop!!       I couldn’t believe I went so fast!  DD1 was there, helping me.      She looked thru boxes very quickly, if it wasn’t even mine, she put it on the trash pile.       Things that weren’t sentimental, not personal ornaments, new stuff that I forgot I bought, etc, she could donate, or discard for me.   

I kept a couple boxes of pictures, etc, that I need to take my time to go thru at a later date.  But so much stuff I let go!!     Very proud of myself!     And so was she!      She really has been a wonderful cheerleader, in this process.     She acknowledges how hard it is for me to give up stuff, and she applauds every effort I make to trim down.       Thank you, honey!!

The paving bricks, left big pic on bottom, I gave away last Thurs, on Freecycle.      I was so glad to see them waltz away, under someone else’s heavy lifting power, not mine!!     And XH was grateful, too!      He’s been helping me so much, in this purging, and packing up to move process!

I was so tired, (it was HOT in there!), that I forgot to take after pix.      Ah well.     Tomorrow’s another day!       It’ll still be there!        I haven’t signed the title, and given the keys to the new owner yet!       I’m still waiting for him to be approved by the park.      He only came to look at it Wed.    So, I’m trying to chill my jets!

DD1, and I will be moving in together, to facilitate taking care of the girls more easily, and the sharing of Vanronica.      We’ve looked at several places.     Even put a deposit on one, moved the furniture in, and then I decided I really couldn’t live there.     I know!!    Why can’t I listen to my gut feelings the FIRST time????     Anyway, we are supposed to get back half our deposit, when the lady re-rents it (for realz that time).      So, only cost me $400, plus turn on fees for gas, and electric.      Quite an expensive lesson!      But, it would have been far worse, to actually move in, and suffer!!      My mental, physical, and emotional health are far too valuable to me now, to not live peacefully, and comfortably.

(There were code enforcement cases open on the property, parking was a nightmare, the only play space was all concrete, and DD1 and I would have had to share a bedroom.     And the very worse thing of all_ the potty space was too tiny!!!!     I knew better than to say yes, at the time, but squelched my instinctive NO!, just so we’d have a place right away.     The decision was made out of fear on my part.    And I had already promised myself not to let fear run my life anymore.      So, to stay true to myself, I had to suck it up, and cancel the deal.     DD1 was disappointed, so was the landlady, but better they are disappointed, than I live torn in half against myself.     And scraping the hide off my thighs every 3 hours!!)

After an hour’s rest, I asked SF to let me borrow his car, and go back over, to bag up the trash, and the donations.     But instead, he came with me.     Even better!!

And that meant I could take some after pix!     Yay!

Then, he and I went thru more stuff, that she and I didn’t get to. 

Whew!   The results of 2 more hours work!      Well worth the effort!

He piled all the donates outside, on the carport.  

                                                                   Isn’t it lovely??!!

Look at that glorious humongous pile!! I feel tremendously accomplished today!!

 

Previous House Time: 20 hrs 38 min

Workshop Time: 2 hrs x 2 people= 4 hrs   (It was 3 different people, but only 2 people each hour.     Does that clear up the mud?)

Total House Time: 24 hrs 38 min

I’m so exhausted, I.can’t.even.move.    (In more ways than 1!)

 

Hot Hound

{I started this post 6 months ago!  After a round of de-clutterathons.}

 

Hot dog!   Hot hound, whichever!     I’ve done so much here in the house, I’m almost done!! It looks so good!

Umm, Melinda?          Yeah?          I hate to burst your bubble, but aren’t you forgetting something??  No, I don’t think so, the house is looking wonderful!          Oh yes, you’re right!  The house looks great!

I hear a “But” in there.           Yup, the house is not all there is to your vast estate.        Remember this??

IMG_20170419_143221

<Gulp>       Oh yeah, the workshop.              

And this??

slob, humor, shed

<Gulp>    Oh yeah, the shed.

Not to mention this??

slob, humor, porch clutter

Shady stuff

WELL, ok then, I’m almost done with the house!!      YAY me!

“Oh Queen Anne, when is the workshop, shed, porch Declutterathon???”

 

Update: 

Shed done, April 26, 2017!!    

seven-seconds-shed

seven-seconds-shed-seconds

Porch done, May 2, 2017!!

seven seconds shade

 

Workshop- still to come!

Pudding Popping

Pop goes the weasel all night.     PP just can’t won’t stay put.      And no, I can’t play whack -a -mole, slob, humor, whack!  in aid of her sleep readiness!      However, I am starting to wish someone would just whack me with a hammer, so I could go out like a light!!slob, humor, please whack me on head!

 

 

 

(Another post I started almost a year ago, right after she started wearing undies, instead of pull ups to bed.    I’m trying to clear my backlog of stale posts!!)

I love my PP!!

 

But…….. I’m so tired!!     (Can you hear the whine???)        

WHY won’t she just.Go.To.Sleep!!

Finally!!!

And THEN!!!

Midnight swim, where was lifeguard??

Soaking wet bed, icy cold, clamminess!

slob, humor, Oh no!

Feex.com

She was as shocked, and surprised as I was!!

Baths, change sheets, snooze fest commences.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ