Eliminated Elephant

Apparently I am just a horrible rancheranimal husbandzookeeper, person!   I keep killing all my animals!    First the cow, then the cat, now the elephant!  (But they were just clutter to me!!)

 

plaster elephant

Blissfully unaware of his fate.

 

 

Whoa, PETA!  Before you arrest me, they weren’t alive in the first place!   Whew!  Had to make that perfectly clear!!

All the real animals from Melinda’s Menagarie  are alive and well, to this day.   (Unless the gators got one of the birds last night.   But, we won’t think about that!)

It’s not my fault that I don’t like animals.  Mama didn’t either.   So, it’s her fault!!

Killing the cow was a deep impulse, driving me to do the dirty deed.   Might have been a mistake too, I’m always out of butter and milk now!

Killing the cat was an act of compassion.   Remember her broken leg?   That’s what you do with horses, right?   See, not my fault!  I had to do it for her sake!!

Killing the elephant just had to be done.  Deaths usually come in threes, so again, not my fault.

Besides looking hideous, he was suffering from osteoporosis!   Evidence:  how easily he shattered when hurled, placed softly into the trash can!

shattered elephant in trash

The poor elephant just went to pieces.

 

 

Poor old elephant, just thrown away with the trash.   Good riddance I say!

Hypothyroid Hell

“Here, let’s pray about it.  Just think positive thoughts, now.   You’ll be okay.”

I’m aghast that here it is 2016, and still some people think I can pull my self up by the bootstraps, out of depression.   Really, people????   No one in their right mind would say that to an amputee!!!   But, because my disability is invisible, it’s fair game????

I have spent a whole week, in such deep, dark, depression, that I’ve been suicidal.  Crying, aching for someone to just hold me, and cry with me.   Whisper “I’m here.   I love you.   I’m so sorry you’re hurting.”

But no.   Instead I got that first line up there.   Almost feels like I’m being told it’s my fault.  It’s NOT my fault!!   Yes, it’s all in my head- brain, and thyroid, which is in my neck.    But the blood chemistry being off, and missing vital chemicals is NOT my fault!!

When I figured out Thursday afternoon, what was wrong, I wanted to punch my doctor.  I have hypothyroidism.   Which means, my thyroid is sluggish, and doesn’t make enough thyroid hormone.   I’ve had this condition for 26 years, ever since I was pregnant with DD2.  My thyroid, for unknown reasons, just decided to quit functioning correctly.   So, I have been fighting this battle a LONG, LONG time.   This combined with bi-polar makes my life extremely difficult.   So many variables, and they have to be all lined up exactly, in order for me to function optimally.    My levels have been fluctuating, and my Dr. kept lowering my dose.   This last time, she lowered it to HALF of my dose from last year.   I BEGGED her not to do it.   “I’m doing okay.  Please don’t lower it.”  Nope, she did it, cuz my “Bloodwork”  showed my levels were wrong.   Well, to her, it’s numbers on a report, to ME, it’s my life!!  And so, because she didn’t listen to me, I spent a week in hell.  Life is not even worth living, if you’re constantly in hell, and looking for a way out, and all fire exits are blocked.

depressed woman

L0026686 A woman diagnosed as suffering from melancholia. Colour lith Credit: Wellcome Library, London. Wellcome Images images@wellcome.ac.uk http://wellcomeimages.org A woman diagnosed as suffering from melancholia. Colour lithograph, 1892, after J. Williamson, 1890. 1890-1892 By: J. Williamsonafter: Byrom BramwellPublished: [1892] Copyrighted work available under Creative Commons Attribution only licence CC BY 4.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

(This is a pretty good visual.   Even though it doesn’t completely express the depths of despair.)

So, Friday morning, I took my old 200 mcg dose.  And Sat. and Sun.   No improvement yet.  But, I will keep on taking the 200, till I feel myself at least at ground level, instead of a thousand feet down in a hole.

Physical recovery takes a long time.  And when your Doctor doesn’t listen, and sabotages you, it takes even longer.  I don’t mean that I think she did it on purpose to hurt me.   I know she is doing her best to help me.   But, I’m not just numbers on a paper.   I’m me.

I’m writing this Sunday night.   I was so desperate to get to my counselor, and then go see my Doctor tomorrow.   Then I remembered it’s Dr. Martin Luther King day.   So, they’re both closed.  The only thing I’ll be celebrating, is if I live through another night.

Sorry, I know this is a heavy topic.   And there’s no jokes, or anything to make you laugh.  Welcome to my reality.   It’s not always a very pretty place.

Update: Monday I feel so much better!  It’s amazing what having what you need, will do for you!   Even did stuff!  Cleaned!!  (Don’t faint!!)  De-cluttered!

 

Silly Soap

Nope, it wasn’t the soap that was silly, it was me.  Shock, shock, right??

Remember last year when I was pontificating about being too old to use broken, ugly stuff??  

Well, then what was the justification for this???

used soap bottle

Fancy dancy soap dispenser, order yours now!

Um, straight up laziness, is all I can plead.  No excuses, especially since I’m even older than when I wrote that!

Even worse, look at the counter.  Shameful, shame I say.

messy bathroom counter

Shock and horror that a slob would have a mess!

And nobody to blame but myself.   So annoying!   Sometimes, I regret living alone!  At least when 1 other person lived with me, I could always delude myself that everything was their fault!  (Even when it wasn’t, as was usually the case, if I have to be honest.)

There, now isn’t that better??

lavender soap dispenser

Ah! Lavender, my love!

And it took all of maybe 60 seconds to pour the soap in it, and throw away recycle the bottle.  Take that, laziness!

I even took a few extra seconds, to wipe down the counter and throw away the bowl.  (Yes, it’s been sitting there for over a month, and…..?  The point is, it’s gone now.  Just be happy.)

clean bath counter

So, so pretty!  Thank you, Jeanette, my neighbor for the lovely lavender soap dispenser.  (She doesn’t even like purple, of any shade.  GASP!  I know!  I feel sorry for her too!)

Inspire Me Monday party

Love/Hate Challenge

Beautiful Himali, from decodinghappyness has nominated me for a challenge.

                                      Love – Hate !

Read here: love-hate

  • List 10 things that you love.
  • List 10 things that you hate.
  • Nominate fellow bloggers to take the challenge.

love-over-hate1

So, here goes:

LOVES:

  1.  Jesus/God/Holy Spirit  (They’re the same, 3 persons in 1 Godhead.)
  2. My husband, DH
  3. My 2 daughters, DD1, DD2
  4. My grand baby, Pudding Pop
  5. Mamafirst established
  6. My family; nuclear,first established , this established, and extended
  7. PURPLE!!!  (Y’all knew that one was coming, right??)
  8. Losing weight
  9. The Bible
  10. Blogging, my new addiction

Hates:  Hmmmm, this is harder.

  1.  Bad grammar, especially in a love letter.  In 8th grade, I red-lined all my boyfriend’s love letters, and sent them back for editing!  Yes, I really did!  The gall!
  2. Long hair, on me.  I whack it off every chance I get.  When my girls were in Elementary school, I even shaved my head, much to their chagrin, and Mama’s horror!
  3. Shaving my legs.  Enough said.
  4. Abortion.  This is serious, I just couldn’t be all funny, without speaking up for the unborn.  They are precious little lives, no matter what stage of gestation.
  5. Frustation!  I’m not the most techie person in the world, so I get upset when I can’t just do what I want to do!  Why don’t I have a computer I can just speak to, and it instantly does my bidding????  WHY????
  6. Not having a sarcasm font.  I’ve asked for it enough times.  Someone should have invented this already!!
  7. Green. Yuck!
  8. Sushi.  Just the thought of it makes me queasy.  Believe me, I’ve eaten my share of stuff, so let me slide, okay?  Thanks!
  9. Running out of ice… and since I live alone, this would be the fault of ?????
  10. When I don’t get a nap.  So does everyone around me hate when this happens!!  (Can you say Grumpy?  I thought you could.)

Okay, so there’s that, then.  Onto the nominations.  And the awards go to:

Claremary

Janice

Susie

James

Robyn

oh my heartsie girl WW

tuesday talk

two uses tuesday

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