dreaded doorbell deadline

Yesterday, (many yesterdays ago, now) I got a phone call.

rotary dial phone

(By candlelight, apparently)

“I’m coming over, be there in an  hour.”

4 sand hour glasses

So, I’m guessing each one is 15 minutes??

Panic! Only 1 hour get ready!!

panic face

Exact replica of my expression!

First time visitor! I want to make a good impression!  I haven’t seen her in over 2 yrs!

Nony calls it F.O.U.D.  Fear of unexpected doorbell.  Perfect description, and diagnosis!

Took a quick shower.

(No pix exist of this.  You’re welcome.)

Dishes-10 min or less.

dirty dishes in sink

5 min pick up was all I needed!  Had time to sit down for lunch.

Whew! So relieved in such good shape since blog.

Left floor- oh well. Visitable not perfect!

Relaxed and enjoyed visit.

But then she wanted to go in bedroom!

Nooooooo!!!!

Sigh. Oh well at least I made a good first impression!

Attitudeofgratitude_zpswzdoihpj

Tipped Toe

This is why you have to clean and organize your house:

Poor bruised, battered, broken toe

Poor bruised, battered, broken toe

It hurt like everything.  I was in agony, agony, AGONY I tell you!!  I think it’s broke.

Call 911!!  I need an ambulance!  Oh, wait, who am I yelling to????  There’s no one else here.  Hmmmmm, think!  What to do???  It’s so hard to think when you’re in AGONY!

I know!  I’ll lay on the floor, and simply expire from the pain.  And when someone comes looking for me, they’ll find my cold, broken body, stretched out on the floor, in a position of supplication…  pleading for help, and non came.   Ha, ha!  That’ll teach ’em a lesson!  Oh, wait!  Teach who a lesson????  I’ll be dead.  Okay, not the best plan....

I decided to fall onto the bed, clutching my foot, howling in agony.  Did I mention I was in AGONY???

Once I recovered sufficiently, to be able to arise: I photographed the scene.

Here is a mug shot of the dastardly fiend, who’s responsible:

murderous fiend

murderous fiend

How dare you be in MY way??  Well, what do you have to say for yourself??  Speak up!

Great, cat’s got it’s tongue.

I wrote an account of the tragic events, and gathered the evidence.

Can I sue the chair?  (I’m sure I’d win!)

Update:  Poor toe is getting better..  Still sulking about not winning the suit for a million dollars, against the chair, but healing nevertheless.

oh my heartsie girl WW

waiting on wednesday

grandma ideas sharing time link party

tuesday talk

two uses tuesday

Home Matters Party

free fun friday

Inspire Me Monday party

Floor Focus

I worked on the shower earlier- purging, not cleaning!  I gotta leave something for the maid to do!  {maid, that’s precious that I call myself that!}

Now the Floor, around the potty:

Left

Left

Right

Right

I’m sorry if it burned your eyes.  You were warned by the blog’s name, right?

Whew, not as bad as the actual toilet, though, right?

Now, I just gotta get up the gumption to :

1.  Move the t.p.

2.  Sweep.

3.  Use dustpan.

(Yes, I have to get VERY specific with myself!!)

This is not me.  But the broom, and dustpan are mine.

This is not me. But the broom, and dustpan are mine.  Did you notice they are purple??

(How can you tell this isn’t me?  This person has hair!)

4.  Empty dustpan.

5.  Put away dustpan, and broom.

Yes, they probably should be in the closet, but for now, this is their home.  That way I can always find them!

Corner of the Entryway

Corner of the Entryway

6.  Scrub floor.

{wipes sweat out of eyes, collapses in recliner, nods off….}

That was hard work!!  I probably shouldn’t tell you I had to take a 15 minute break between steps 1, and 2, huh?

Just kidding!  It was between number 3 and 4.

And here it is:

THE GRAND REVEAL:

Ta-Da!

Right Side

Right Side

I do not know what that brown stain is, but rest assured, it is not human waste!

(maybe rust??  a dead alien that assimilated itself to the floor????  All I know is, resistance was futile.)

Left Side

Left Side

Rats, I forgot about under the counter.  I’m too tired.  That’ll have to be next weekend,  week, month, year?

Home Sweet Home

(No alliteration today.  Sorry.  😦  )

Here is the post on my new place!!

I’ve been wanting to move for a WHILE , but didn’t know where to go.  Since I go to Sweet Friend’s all the time, to use his computer, I suddenly thought, “Hey!  Why don’t I look around in his park?”  DUH!!  Some days I wonder how I don’t lose my head!  Thank God it’s attached!

Sadly, the only place in there for sale was NOT suitable– by a long shot!

But!!  Brother and I went looking in the sister property.  And we found an excellent trailer mobile home for only $1,000, by owner.   It looked good!  Partly furnished, with sturdy floors, very important to people in my weight class!  And the bathroom was big!  Huge even, for a trailer mobile home.  That’s really what sold me on it.  I have claustrophobia.  So a bathroom where you can sit on the toilet, soak your feet in the tub, and wash your hands at the sink, all at the same time is NOT for me!

Brother talked to the owner, man to man.  When we left, Brother said, “Wait 3 weeks, then he’ll give it to you for $500.  He’s just tired of paying double lot rents.”  Lo, and behold!  I did just what Brother said, and he was right!

I am now the proud owner of my very first home, all by myself!!

My Very First Place, All on my Own!

My Very First Place, All on my Own!

(But, the green’s gotta go!!  ASAP!  It’s so annoying.)

I’ve never lived by myself before, other than a few weeks here and there, never for very long.  It’s a brand new chapter in my life, and I’m excited for it!

Later, I’ll give you a tour of the inside.  (Becoming more and more purple by the day!)

Here’s my garden:

Double Hibiscus

Double Hibiscus

Purple Periwinkles

Purple Periwinkles

White Periwinkles

White Periwinkles

I’ve never been a gardener:  but being a homeowner must be inspiring me.  I’ve deadheaded the hibiscus 3x already!

Sleeping peacefully, and QUIETLY, in my own home, that I OWN is wonderful.  Thank God for my Home Sweet Home.

http://lifewithlorelai.com/2015/07/09/home-matters-linky-party-45/

tidy toilet

This is an after. Yes, you heard me right, an after.

20150524_151430

THUD. That’s the sound of all the Cleanies hitting the floor as they faint.  My after is their worst nightmare of a before.

Don’t worry. There isn’t a before on record.  I do not want you clawing your eyes out to not see it.

Suffice it to say, it was bad.  So bad in fact, that no one but me would even go in there.  A guest accidentally wandered in, and ran out screaming something about ecoli clouds choking her.

It wasn’t That bad. Well… Maybe it was.

Anyway, after the health dept. threatened to shut down my apt. I knew something had to be done.  So donning my trusty haz mat suit, I waded into battle.

As you can see, I won the war:

Truly Tidy Toilet

Truly Tidy Toilet

 

Great Grapes

Time to show off my finally decorated kitchen.  (Thank you, sweet friend!)

The grape cluster above my breakfast bar.

20150311_151638

The arrangement above my cabinets, over my stove.

20150311_151615

 

Each grape element:

20150311_15162320150311_151629

 

 

 

 

 

Over my pantry,

20150311_151609

Above the air return,

20150311_151541

Above my entryway, (but you can only see it as you are leaving)

20150311_151547

 

On my entry wall, as you come in.

20150311_151556

Great grape Cookie jar, on top of the fridge:

20150318_131238

 

The magnets on the fridge:

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(I know it’s a little bit egotistical to have a photo of myself on my own fridge, but, hey, if I don’t love myself, who will?)  I cross stitched the pansy one, way back in the day.

 

Don’t I have a pretty kitchen?  Notice I didn’t show you the counters or anything. WE ain’t going there today!  Just enjoy looking at the grape pretties!

Wish I had purple pots! and a purple microwave, and coffee pot, and toaster, and dish drainer, and knives, and cabinets, and floor, and stove, and refridge!  Well, I do wish it! I know it would be too much for you, but I’d adore it!  So, if you see any of these items, send them to me, pleeeaasse.

Let’s All Hit the Floor

Well, my plans changed rapidly Thursday night.  One minute I was in the shower, getting ready to go meet a girlfriend for a long awaited GNO, and the next, I was on the floor crying.

dorian 008

Yup, hit the floor, just that quick.  Yelling, crying, moaning, I was doing it all.

Hurting, and feeling like a dummy.  How many 53 yo women can get out of the shower all by themselves, without falling down?? Apparently, all of them but me.

Then, DH and DD1 were there, asking  me questions.

Purpleslob and husband

(Yes, my real husband. No, he wasn’t smiling during the event itself.)

Can you get up?  Ummm, that would be negatory.  Are you conscious?  I’m conscious of how stupid I am, so yeah.

Then, 911.  8 paramedics, EMTs, and firemen.  (No, not 8 of each, 8 altogether.)

emts helping someone

I know, quite a lovely butt shot.

 

All trying to figure out how to pick me up when my body was in the tiny bathroom, and my head was in the bedroom.  Once they moved the bed, they worked it out.  Back board, head brace, and me in all my glory.  Did I mention there were 8 men????  Thankfully, DD1 brought a sheet, so they covered me before taking me out the door.  Thank God for small favors!!

patient being carried on stretcher

050103-N-9951E-171 Aceh, Sumatra, Indonesia (Jan. 3, 2005) – Lt. Lisa Peterson, of Derwood, Md., center, Lt. Mark Banks, of Savannah, Ga., and two Indonesian Army personnel carry a patient on a stretcher flown-in by a U.S. Navy helicopter to a temporary triage site in Aceh, Sumatra. Medical teams from USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN 72), Carrier Air Wing Two (CVW-2) and the International Organization for Migration (IOM) set-up a triage site located on Sultan Iskandar Muda Air Force Base, in Banda Aceh, Sumatra. The two teams worked together with members of the Australian Air Force to provide initial medical care to victims of the Tsunami-stricken coastal regions. The Abraham Lincoln Carrier Strike Group is currently operating in the Indian Ocean off the waters of Indonesia and Thailand. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Elizabeth A. Edwards (RELEASED)

(You’re welcome for sparing you the ACTUAL visual.)

 

 

Made them stop so I could tell PP bye.  She was so worried, bless her heart.

Ambulance, about 90 speed bumps, it seemed.  ER. Finally a pain pill!!

Xrays, CT scans, another pain pill.

xrays of hands

Yes, they xrayed more than just my hands!

 

 

 

Nothing broken??  Are you sure, Doctor?? Cause I feel like I’m dying.

Gave me a script for pain pills, recommended ice, and Ibuprofen.  Put me in a wheelchair and sent me home.

patient in wheelchair

080628-N-9689V-001 NHA TRANG, Vietnam (June 28, 2008) Lt. Todd Hlavac, a staff nurse assigned to the Military Sealift Command hospital ship USNS Mercy (T-AH 19), assists a Vietnamese patients to his wheelchair aboard Mercy before being discharged to a local hospital. U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Joshua Valcarcel (Released)

 

Obviously, not me, since I don’t have black hair.   😉

 

When I got home, had to use my own walker from car to apartment.  Good thing I kept it.

Never did make it to GNO.

Next time I take a shower, maybe I need to be hooked up to a safety line.