Thumb Theme

I was cutting up a red bell pepper, for my salad.   Using my new purple (of course!) knife.

slob, humor, purple knife

Re-enactment, without bell pepper, or thumb.

I looked down and thought, “Huh.  Red bell peppers don’t bleed.”

Then I looked again, and thought, “But I do!!!”

The knife was so sharp, I never even felt the cut!

But, of course, once I saw the blood, and figured out it was mine, THEN I felt the pain!

slob, humor, cut thumb

Lunch bit back!

It bled so much, I was sure I was gonna bleed out right there in the kitchen.    The neighbors would see the river of red flowing under the door, and call the police.    And they’d find my poor, stiff body, clutching my thumb, wrapped up in a paper towel, stained all red.

But, even tho I’m not a Dr. {DD2 is tho!!   But she wasn’t here.}, I triaged myself, and decided direct pressure was needed, ASAP.

A paper towel was used to staunch the flow.    Hours later, when it dried up, okay, maybe it was only minutes…  I found a band-aid, and bandaged it up myself.

slob, humor, bandaid

Not a Rays fan, but it’s only a band-aid!

 

 

Then, ya know the job’s not done, till ya deal with the paperwork.

 

So, I filed with my insurance, but wouldn’t ya know, I’m outta my own network.   

slob, humor, frowny face

This is my not happy face.

 

 

So, I was charged full price for everything.

 

Triage consult- $300.00

Bio-hazard blood clean-up- $150.00

Paper towel- $10.00

Band-aid- $20.00

Direct pressure surgical procedure- $500.00

Practicing medicine without a license- $2,000.00 fine.

 

(I’m hoping my Go-Fund-Me account will keep me outta jail!!)

 

That’ll teach me to never cut my thumb again!!