Hypothyroid Hell

“Here, let’s pray about it.  Just think positive thoughts, now.   You’ll be okay.”

I’m aghast that here it is 2016, and still some people think I can pull my self up by the bootstraps, out of depression.   Really, people????   No one in their right mind would say that to an amputee!!!   But, because my disability is invisible, it’s fair game????

I have spent a whole week, in such deep, dark, depression, that I’ve been suicidal.  Crying, aching for someone to just hold me, and cry with me.   Whisper “I’m here.   I love you.   I’m so sorry you’re hurting.”

But no.   Instead I got that first line up there.   Almost feels like I’m being told it’s my fault.  It’s NOT my fault!!   Yes, it’s all in my head- brain, and thyroid, which is in my neck.    But the blood chemistry being off, and missing vital chemicals is NOT my fault!!

When I figured out Thursday afternoon, what was wrong, I wanted to punch my doctor.  I have hypothyroidism.   Which means, my thyroid is sluggish, and doesn’t make enough thyroid hormone.   I’ve had this condition for 26 years, ever since I was pregnant with DD2.  My thyroid, for unknown reasons, just decided to quit functioning correctly.   So, I have been fighting this battle a LONG, LONG time.   This combined with bi-polar makes my life extremely difficult.   So many variables, and they have to be all lined up exactly, in order for me to function optimally.    My levels have been fluctuating, and my Dr. kept lowering my dose.   This last time, she lowered it to HALF of my dose from last year.   I BEGGED her not to do it.   “I’m doing okay.  Please don’t lower it.”  Nope, she did it, cuz my “Bloodwork”  showed my levels were wrong.   Well, to her, it’s numbers on a report, to ME, it’s my life!!  And so, because she didn’t listen to me, I spent a week in hell.  Life is not even worth living, if you’re constantly in hell, and looking for a way out, and all fire exits are blocked.

depressed woman

L0026686 A woman diagnosed as suffering from melancholia. Colour lith Credit: Wellcome Library, London. Wellcome Images images@wellcome.ac.uk http://wellcomeimages.org A woman diagnosed as suffering from melancholia. Colour lithograph, 1892, after J. Williamson, 1890. 1890-1892 By: J. Williamsonafter: Byrom BramwellPublished: [1892] Copyrighted work available under Creative Commons Attribution only licence CC BY 4.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

(This is a pretty good visual.   Even though it doesn’t completely express the depths of despair.)

So, Friday morning, I took my old 200 mcg dose.  And Sat. and Sun.   No improvement yet.  But, I will keep on taking the 200, till I feel myself at least at ground level, instead of a thousand feet down in a hole.

Physical recovery takes a long time.  And when your Doctor doesn’t listen, and sabotages you, it takes even longer.  I don’t mean that I think she did it on purpose to hurt me.   I know she is doing her best to help me.   But, I’m not just numbers on a paper.   I’m me.

I’m writing this Sunday night.   I was so desperate to get to my counselor, and then go see my Doctor tomorrow.   Then I remembered it’s Dr. Martin Luther King day.   So, they’re both closed.  The only thing I’ll be celebrating, is if I live through another night.

Sorry, I know this is a heavy topic.   And there’s no jokes, or anything to make you laugh.  Welcome to my reality.   It’s not always a very pretty place.

Update: Monday I feel so much better!  It’s amazing what having what you need, will do for you!   Even did stuff!  Cleaned!!  (Don’t faint!!)  De-cluttered!

 

Charity Chair

I have a gorgeous dining room set.  (Well, it will be once it’s all purple instead of green!)  I love the curves of the legs, and the airiness of the glass top.

dinette chairs(Please ignore all the clutter on the table, it was invisible to me until now.  Just play along, and no one gets hurt, capese?)

But I had a serious problem occur.  One of the chairs broke a leg.  How it did this, when I didn’t even know it went out running, I’ll never know.  Nevertheless, here it is, in it’s sad state.

broken chair leg

Poor thing, needs a cast.

broken dinette chair leg

So very tragic.

I wanted to put it out of its misery, like a horse, but how do you kill a chair??  So, I put it out by the road.  Fortunately, my SIL saw it, and questioned me.  He whisked it away in his ambulance van, and returned it to me the next morning, with its leg whole!  Miraculously, he knew a chair leg doctor that worked for thank yous from a sweet, blonde, (PP) baby.  Welded it up, and good to go!

Thank you SIL!!!!

welded chair leg

Better than new. I DARE it to break now!

Now, it’s on restriction, and forbidden to go out running ever again.  Next time, I’ll tie its feet together.

two uses tuesday

T(r)ank Trouble

Oh the multi-splendored joys of home ownership.  (Did the sarcasm come thru okay?)

I’m having…. tank troubles… as in my toilet tank.

I love the color, but I'm very puzzled. How do you flush it??

I love the color, but I’m very puzzled. How do you flush it??

It worked when I first moved in,

This is how it's SUPPOSED to work.

This is how it’s SUPPOSED to work.

then suddenly it wouldn’t flush.  Called in the handyman, better known as sweet friend, the chain was broken.   A few minutes and 1 bent paper clip later

Office supply masquerades as plumbing fix

Office supply masquerades as plumbing fix

Ta Da!  It worked again!  Magic!  (BUT!!  the chain was TOO long now, so you had to lift the tank lid a little, so the doo-hickey wouldn’t hit the top.) sigh  (Of COURSE it was too long, did ya SEE the size of that paper clip???)

That’s okay, I just waited till it broke again, and asked for a smaller paper clip.  Ain’t I brilliant!!   (I didn’t get that college degree fer nuttin, ya know!)

A little later, it was running all the time, and wouldn’t flush AGAIN!!   This time, the rubber gasket was not sealing right, so it constantly drained.  And wouldn’t you know it, all these things ALWAYS happened in the middle of the night!   How does that HAPPEN???

Want to! Just can't!

Want to! Just can’t!  I wish this sign hadn’t been written in invisible ink!!

So, once again, a SOS call went out.  (in the morning!  I didn’t call him right then.  I’m not a sadist.)  Like magic, he fixed in a trice.  (Don’t ya just love that word – trice??  We need to start a campaign to bring it back into popular circulation!   Who’s with me??)

Several weeks go by, then a repeat of the same frustration.  ERGH!  So, I decided to take a peek for myself.  This time, the top link had slipped out of the hole in the end of the stick.  (There’s probably a real name for it – flush lever?? )
nasty toilet lever(not my toilet- you can find anything on google!)

Tried to mend it, but failed.  Probably due to my fat fingers, and being wet.  Yes, yes, that’s it! Because my fingers were wet!   So humiliating to be toilet- flushable- challenged.

Emoji_u1f626.svg                                                                                           depends

And, here I sit blogging, instead of asking for help.  Thinking about buying stock in Depends.

Home Matters Party

free fun friday

Beautifully Creative Inspired  A brand new party!!  Woo hoo!  Thanks, Shanice, for the invite!

Inspire Me Monday party