Evasive Eevans Events

Of course my friend Jenny’s name is not really Eevans.     It’s Evans, from Unremarkable Files.        

slob, humor, my friend Jenny Evans

Jenny Evans!

 That’s #1 of the pingbacks I’m giving her, so hopefully, she’ll forgive me for taking artistic license with her name!      (That one’s mine, not hers, but I promise plenty more of hers to come!!)

Being the mother of a large family, (6! kids), (#2) Jenny is all too familiar with the necessity of public restrooms.  (#3)         And the hygiene, (or NOT!) (#4) of the same.     (Hey! I just realized that one is a 2-fer!     Hi Katie!)

Okay, now that I’ve made sure you’re well acquainted  (#5) with Jenny, on to what this post is about.

Yes, public restrooms,

but in a different aspect.   Namely. being trapped in one like an animal (#6) in a cage.      And desperate to get out, but can’t.      And I can’t reach my leg, to chew it off, to facilitate escape!

When I have to ride the scooter at stores, (due to my on-going leg issues, (first it was the right knee, then the left groin, now the left sciatic- yay!  I’ve learned a LOT of anatomy the last few years!), sometimes I can’t even get up to walk into the restroom, and have to drive. It’s tricky enough, just getting in.      But, if it’s a swing-in door, it’s all good!!      I just run that puppy into the door, hard enough to open it!      But gently!    I don’t go full speed!    (1/4th mile an hour)      Cuz then I’d have another whip lash too, to add to all the other delights I’m experiencing!

Once I’m in, done, and ready to leave, that’s when the real problem happens.         If it was a swing-in door, and was easy to get in, then it’s pull-to-get-out.         And that’s a REALLY BIG PROBLEM!        I know I have long arms, but they ain’t THAT long!       Ya have to grab the handle, pull, wait, ya can only pull 2 inches, then the door bangs into the basket.    Okay, we can do this.     Back up, try to grab handle again.    Wait, now I’ve backed up too far, and can’t grab the handle.       Alright, try again.      I have a college degree for Pete’s sake, surely I can figure out how to get outta the bathroom!

And just WHY don’t they have automatic door buttons in a restroom that is supposedly handicapped equipped??        

Surely I can’t be the ONLY one who has trouble, can I??      (PLEASE tell me I’m not the only one who can’t fight their way outta a paper room!)

Eventually, I just give up outta frustration, and sheer exhaustion.    Then, in about 10 minutes, I’m glad I’m still in there, due to my overactive bladder.      Whew!      Okay, now to wait for rescue.         Why, oh why did I forget my handy, dandy emergency wrench, so I can bang on the pipes, and draw attention to my predicament kit?        But then I realize, I haven’t brushed up on my Morris Code for awhile, so I’d probably just be saying, “Hey!   Love ya!”  or something, instead of “I’m trapped in the restroom.  Help!”

After 25 minutes, I’m still going strong, fighting dehydration, because I usually always have my water bottle with me.    slob, humor, definitely not clutter      Bonus!      If I drink it all, I know how to refill it, there’s running water here!

30 minutes in, I’ve succumbed to hunger, after scrabbling around frantically in my purse for something to eat, and finding nothing except 2 brownie crumbs, and the empty wrapper of a Twix.     (Which I totally proceed to lick clean.     Hey, it’s life or death now, man!)       So, now it’s a slow decline into death, from this point on.

35 minutes in, I’ve started writing my last will and testament,

slob, humor, last will and testament

leaving my body to science.     (They’re gonna want it too!       To study how a 300 lb woman can starve to death in under an hour.      In the middle of a GROCERY store.)

Update: AFTER I published this, THEN I noticed I wrote “drying” instead of dying.  Oy vey!)

40 minutes in, all hope is gone.      Drawing a face on my purse, so I can kiss it good bye.     (How is it that in a store this busy, NO ONE has had to go in the last 40 minutes???)

 

Slumped over, in the final throes of death, dimly I hear panicked screaming.      “MA’AM!!   MA’AM!!     ARE YOU OKAY??”            I rouse up, slowly, blinking away the haze of the afterlife.       “Are you an angel??”        “Uh, no ma’am, I’m the janitor.    Do you need help?”

Sobbing in relief, all I can say is:  “Just open the door!    All I wanna do is go home!”

 

Ah, the events of an evasive Eevens life.     (I had to cross out Jenny’s name.    I don’t think she wants to be associated with this sad tale of incompetence!)

 

Giving Girl

Jenny is a wonderful friend, and mother of 6!!  kids, that I’ve met blogging.    Her honesty about both the joys, and um, trials of parenting a large family somehow is always funny!

She is a Christian (Mormon), that’s the way she writes it, guys!     So, in order to focus more on Christ, at Christmas, she does this Advent Ornaments, Names of Christ activity.      And now, just for us, she’s giving away 2 sets!!

 

http://www.unremarkablefiles.com/2016/11/names-of-christ-advent-giveaway-ends.html

Thank you Jenny!!

How great is that!!    Teaching your kids the names of Christ is sooo important!       And focusing on our Savior, instead of “gimmes”  is huge!!

So, run over there, and enter in!      Even if you don’t win, you’ll have a good laugh, and make new friends!!       Winner, winner, chicken dinner!!         (No, sorry, she is NOT coming by your house with food.      That’s not part of the giveaway!)

 

Update:  I won!!    So excited!!     And no, it had nothing to do with me writing this post!!     ( I asked! )      I was randomly chosen by some (very smart) computer thingy.

 

 

Quipped Quote

Another quote challenge!!     YAY!    Thanks, Judy!!    I accept gladly!      Judy is a lovely girl from the UK, who loves to write in rhyme!      This is the second challenge she has issued to me!   And I do believe I’m up for it!     We’ll soon see!

{First tho, I gotta go make an icon for it!!       I did for the Declutterathon, so I hold out hope!}

 

slob, humor, challenge

Challenge

 

YAYA!!        I did it!!       Who did it??     Well, ok, me and the tech support.      Anyone surprised that it’s all purple-ish??       Anyone???

Alrightey then!        {rubs hands briskly together}         Onward to the quotes!!

Wait, wait, wait!!!         Oh my goodness!    What??        You forgot to give the rules!!       And so I did!        Thanks for reminding me!

Here we go!      Gotta get the legalese in there, ya know!

Rules of the challenge:

  1. Three quotes over three days.
  2. Three nominees each day (no repetition).
  3. Thank the person who nominated you.
  4. Inform the nominees.

 

(I already thanked Judy.    Now I gotta go do the hard stuff, of picking just 3 people!)

Can you guess where I’m drawing my quote from??  

 

slob, humor, purse

I LOVE the Scripture!! And the structure!!

You didn’t expect me to say purse, did ya??       Actually it’s from the Holy Bible, New Testament.

I’ve found it to be true, in my life, over and over again.     God is the God of the impossible!! He saved my soul from sin.    He baptized me in the Holy Spirit.    He delivered me from a spirit of fear.     He’s healed me many times!

 

Come back tomorrow, to see what says who??        Um, don’tcha mean “Who says what??”     Yeah, whatev.

 

I love quoting from the Bible!!

 

And my nominees are:

I hope you girls accept and have fun!       If not, no worries!!

(I promise I’ll tell them, as soon as this posts!)

 

Finally Fiction’s Food Finished

Finally!!   The quote challenge from Gary at FictionIsFood is finished!

But what was the problem?   Doesn’t everyone take 3 weeks to finish a 3 day task??

Uh, not really.   But it’s ok, Melinda.   You just do you.

Why, thank you!!

Today I’m gonna quote Brittany  Torrano.   I met her on my BBFFJ’s site, Mostly Blogging.   This quote was so appealing, I knew I had to steal borrow it!

“When you can, go for the WHY.  The why is an enticer. It’s the smell of fresh pastries from a bakery.”

insert pic of fresh pastries here   I would do that very thing, if I dared walk into a bakery!   So, here you have a pic of who-knows-how-many-years-old-pastries from Google.   Thanks, Google!   (Hey, I have a friend with a dog named Google!   Hi, Cindy D.!!)

slob, humor, pastries

courtesy of Google.com

(Where’s that smellovision when ya need it??   Of course, if they’re in fact years old, do we really wanna smell ’em??)

See “why” I had to use this quote??   Cuz I’m hungry, that’s why!!   Or else because I like you.   One of those 2.   (Gary, you have infected me with your ramblings!!)

Why didn’t I use the word “Why” in my headline??   Then my SEO would be sky high!  {I think.   I really have no idea how that works.   Even tho Janice has tried to tell me more than once.}

Now, where was I??   Oh yeah, avoiding the bakery.   No, that wasn’t it.   whirring sounds as mind desperately tries to think

Oh yes! Quoting Gary!   No,no, that wasn’t it either.   Visiting Cindy D.??   Never mind!   I’m headed to take a nap!

ahem   clears throat   uh, Melinda?

Yeah?

Do you think you could finish what you were doing, before the nap??   Ya know, sometime today??

Oh, oh yeah!   Of course!!!   I was just kiddin about the nap, anyways!

no, you weren’t

Okay, so I meant it.   Who’re you now, my nap monitor??

Anyways,  eye roll   the next 3 victims honorees are:

Honest

Suzy

Sahana

Have at it ladies!   Quote away!

Oh wait!  I forgot that Jenny couldn’t participate, (she JUST had a baby!!  What was I thinking???) so I need to tag 1 more person.  And because there wasn’t a rule to say I couldn’t, I pick Gary.   No tag backs!

 

Fiction’s Food

Fiction’s Food  Quote Challenge .

I’ve been summoned invited to a quote challenge.   Thanks, Gary!!

Rules of the challenge

(Copied from the nomination by the garrulous Gary. From FictionIsFood.  I met him at my BBFFJ’s place: MostlyBlogging.com.   And he is funny!!)

If you accept the challenge, post 1-3 quotes for three days and nominate three other wonderfully talented bloggers to the challenge as well.

 

Hmmm, the rules seem simple enough.    I can count to 2!!

Looking at the title of his blog, Fiction is Food, makes me hungry!   Wonder what I have laying around to snack on…..

slob, humor, grapes

Yumm!! Grapes!! Sweet!!

 

lost in the kitchen snacking for hours, then sleeps in a food coma for more hours…

 

 

Oh yeah, what was I supposed to be doing???

Okay, okay, enough fooling around, down to business.

Who should I quote??   I know!   Myself!    {Ego trip- party of 1.}

 

“This is my last Wendy’s cup ever.”    From  the post dated April 28, 2016,

Saddled-Stallion.

slob, humor, drink

Wendy is such a cutie! And a cup chock full of sweet nectar!

 

I give y’all permission to remember that, and check up on me!!    (From the money I’ll save, I expect to be able to buy a brand new Ford F150 truck, in about 2 years!   For CASH!!   Lol, but I really did spend way too much on Cokes!!)

My 3 nominees are:

Envelope please!

Melanie from The Journey of my Left Foot.

Jenny from Unremarkable Files.

My new friend  from Texas Quilting.  ( Sorry.  She is such a new friend, I don’t even know her name yet!)   Just found out it’s Barbara. 😉

Have fun ladies!!

See ya later, with more me moments!!

Numbered Names

What number of names can I use in 1 post?   I’m thinking eleventy dozen…

set of numbers very young

“Very Young”- that’s me! Hey, they didn’t specify that it had to be your Chronological age!!

Jenny, I think it’s unremarkable how your kids file away numbers.   If we all band together, and use the number eleventy in the episodes of our daily life, it becomes a legit word, right, Edwina??

My BBFF Janice mostly writes about blogging. I’ve learned a number of helpful things from her.

Sarah Eliza devastates boredom on a daily basis.   How many of y’all can say that???

Claremary putters around the barn.  Hey, can you send ZuZu to find me a number of mice?  Thanks!

Himali spends her time decoding happiness.   I’m glad she does it, not me!   Happiness eludes me in a number of ways!

Susie is shy 45% of her days.   But, I managed to draw her out of her shell a number of times!

Roopam is whimsical 90 % of the time.  Lovely!

Sherri has a great view from  her summerhouse.   You can see any number of excellent vistas!

Carol was retired, but no one told her!   What a number they did on her!!

Carmen is always fashionable, even over 50 years!   I can always find any number of cute outfit suggestions on her blog.

Ralph put indigo in his water.   Now he’s in trouble!  Apparently a number of blue fish have way too much indigo in them!

Teagan has written a number of books.   

Whew!  I’m tired from the sheer number of names I crammed in 1 post!!   If you didn’t appear, never fear!   I have a number of names left to drop!  And many more posts to write!

(PS: It is with a great sense of accomplishment that I announce, I used the word “number” 15 times in this post!!   Oops!  I forgot to count the one in quotes there!  -16!   And I dropped 13 names!!   YAY ME!!!!)

{If you only counted 13 times, hint- look at the pix.}