Katie’s Kudos

Katie from Hungry Beastling wrote this in my email.
I love her!!     Such a lovely lady, with a killer smile!
Hi Melinda! Below you’ll find my lazy comment that didn’t feel like posting in full!!!

I hope your week has been an awesome one!


Hi there, lovely Melinda!!! First off, I’ve been away from my blog for the last couple weeks and came back to see 3 WONDERFUL comments from you, lovely lady!!! You always make me feel so special. 


Prime example…Nominating me for a quote challenge!!! I seriously got teary eyed–I know, that’s probably pathetic, but oh well! This is my first nomination for anything blog-related. 

(Here: https://purpleslobinrecovery.wordpress.com/2016/11/01/quipped-quote/)

 
And I don’t even care if the nomination was something associated with poop (since I tend to work poo into quite a few of my posts), the fact you thought of ME puts me in such a good mood. I can’t wait to get started on my challenge!!! Thank you VERY much. 
 
Now secondly, this post gave me some mega goose bumps. You have managed to cram a lot of life into these last two years of living!!! I am so IMPRESSED with 500 posts in a little over 2 years! 
 
Equally as impressive, but not surprising in the least, is the fact that you were named 2016’s Funniest Blogger!!! What an honor! You totally deserve it. You are one flipping hilarious chica!  (Admin note: I was Nominated  in that category, but didn’t win.)
 
Also, your kwilt… I. Love. It. It’s truly a work of art. That thing is gorgeous! And if THAT was folded in half, no wonder it took 9 years to make! Man oh man, what talent you have!!! 
slob, humor, quilt finished!

It was already folded in half, cuz I wanted ya to see my face!

I will mention, however, my mom might be trying to surpass your 9 years with her much less difficult project consisting of a crochet throw. She’s been in the process of making one for my husband and me ever since we got engaged…5 1/2 years ago. Baaah! She’s gettin’ there, slowly but surely!   
 
All your accomplishments are REALLY, really very inspiring. Thank you for motivating me to get up and take bigger bites out of life!!! Or, as my niece and nephew say, “Aunt Katie-sized bites” out of life!
 
Here’s to your next 500 posts, Ms. Melinda!!! Congratulations, you perfect pretty princess, you! Xoxo

Evasive Eevans Events

Of course my friend Jenny’s name is not really Eevans.     It’s Evans, from Unremarkable Files.        

slob, humor, my friend Jenny Evans

Jenny Evans!

 That’s #1 of the pingbacks I’m giving her, so hopefully, she’ll forgive me for taking artistic license with her name!      (That one’s mine, not hers, but I promise plenty more of hers to come!!)

Being the mother of a large family, (6! kids), (#2) Jenny is all too familiar with the necessity of public restrooms.  (#3)         And the hygiene, (or NOT!) (#4) of the same.     (Hey! I just realized that one is a 2-fer!     Hi Katie!)

Okay, now that I’ve made sure you’re well acquainted  (#5) with Jenny, on to what this post is about.

Yes, public restrooms,

but in a different aspect.   Namely. being trapped in one like an animal (#6) in a cage.      And desperate to get out, but can’t.      And I can’t reach my leg, to chew it off, to facilitate escape!

When I have to ride the scooter at stores, (due to my on-going leg issues, (first it was the right knee, then the left groin, now the left sciatic- yay!  I’ve learned a LOT of anatomy the last few years!), sometimes I can’t even get up to walk into the restroom, and have to drive. It’s tricky enough, just getting in.      But, if it’s a swing-in door, it’s all good!!      I just run that puppy into the door, hard enough to open it!      But gently!    I don’t go full speed!    (1/4th mile an hour)      Cuz then I’d have another whip lash too, to add to all the other delights I’m experiencing!

Once I’m in, done, and ready to leave, that’s when the real problem happens.         If it was a swing-in door, and was easy to get in, then it’s pull-to-get-out.         And that’s a REALLY BIG PROBLEM!        I know I have long arms, but they ain’t THAT long!       Ya have to grab the handle, pull, wait, ya can only pull 2 inches, then the door bangs into the basket.    Okay, we can do this.     Back up, try to grab handle again.    Wait, now I’ve backed up too far, and can’t grab the handle.       Alright, try again.      I have a college degree for Pete’s sake, surely I can figure out how to get outta the bathroom!

And just WHY don’t they have automatic door buttons in a restroom that is supposedly handicapped equipped??        

Surely I can’t be the ONLY one who has trouble, can I??      (PLEASE tell me I’m not the only one who can’t fight their way outta a paper room!)

Eventually, I just give up outta frustration, and sheer exhaustion.    Then, in about 10 minutes, I’m glad I’m still in there, due to my overactive bladder.      Whew!      Okay, now to wait for rescue.         Why, oh why did I forget my handy, dandy emergency wrench, so I can bang on the pipes, and draw attention to my predicament kit?        But then I realize, I haven’t brushed up on my Morris Code for awhile, so I’d probably just be saying, “Hey!   Love ya!”  or something, instead of “I’m trapped in the restroom.  Help!”

After 25 minutes, I’m still going strong, fighting dehydration, because I usually always have my water bottle with me.    slob, humor, definitely not clutter      Bonus!      If I drink it all, I know how to refill it, there’s running water here!

30 minutes in, I’ve succumbed to hunger, after scrabbling around frantically in my purse for something to eat, and finding nothing except 2 brownie crumbs, and the empty wrapper of a Twix.     (Which I totally proceed to lick clean.     Hey, it’s life or death now, man!)       So, now it’s a slow decline into death, from this point on.

35 minutes in, I’ve started writing my last will and testament,

slob, humor, last will and testament

leaving my body to science.     (They’re gonna want it too!       To study how a 300 lb woman can starve to death in under an hour.      In the middle of a GROCERY store.)

Update: AFTER I published this, THEN I noticed I wrote “drying” instead of dying.  Oy vey!)

40 minutes in, all hope is gone.      Drawing a face on my purse, so I can kiss it good bye.     (How is it that in a store this busy, NO ONE has had to go in the last 40 minutes???)

 

Slumped over, in the final throes of death, dimly I hear panicked screaming.      “MA’AM!!   MA’AM!!     ARE YOU OKAY??”            I rouse up, slowly, blinking away the haze of the afterlife.       “Are you an angel??”        “Uh, no ma’am, I’m the janitor.    Do you need help?”

Sobbing in relief, all I can say is:  “Just open the door!    All I wanna do is go home!”

 

Ah, the events of an evasive Eevens life.     (I had to cross out Jenny’s name.    I don’t think she wants to be associated with this sad tale of incompetence!)

 

Pecan Pie

For Thanksgiving, Mama made fresh pies, with love!     Oh so good!!      She made 2 pecan, 1 coconut cream, 2 sweet potato, and 1 chocolate.    Did you hear that, Katie??    ONLY ONE chocolate!!   My worst Thanksgiving fear came true!!     Oh, horrible day!        It was a fight to the death, between Bro. and me!!      (No, neither one of us died, but the pie sadly didn’t survive!)

Since there isn’t any evidence to show you on that one, I decided to blog about the pecan pie.      And, it is pah-cahn, not pee-can, for those not from the South.     (I’m so sorry for you, that you weren’t born here.)

Here is the way I brought it home, packaged so prettily by Mama.

slob, humor, pretty pie    Then, revealed in all its gooey glory!  slob, humor, homemade pecan pie!!

Nuttin else like a pecan pie, made with love by Mama!!       Except 2!!  

 

(Word of warning:  Do NOT ever research “licking lips”, unless you are prepared for some visual trauma!      Why do people have to be so nasty???? )

I only took 1 slice,

slob, humor, slice missing

What do you mean 1/4 of the pie is NOT 1 slice?? It certainly is!!

My breakfast:

img_20161126_064420  slob, humor, nom nom The only reason for these shots is proof that I didn’t inhale it!    (I’ve been accused of that on multiple occasions!)       See?    I do take bites!                              slob, humor, nom nom nom   Going, going, slob, humor, bye bye pie!   gone!           Yummy!   IT was delish!!

Hey look, Gail!    And Dolly!   And Lynn!     I’m becoming a food blogger!     LOL    (NOT!!)        I’d have too much trouble not eating it all first!

 

Quipped Quote

Another quote challenge!!     YAY!    Thanks, Judy!!    I accept gladly!      Judy is a lovely girl from the UK, who loves to write in rhyme!      This is the second challenge she has issued to me!   And I do believe I’m up for it!     We’ll soon see!

{First tho, I gotta go make an icon for it!!       I did for the Declutterathon, so I hold out hope!}

 

slob, humor, challenge

Challenge

 

YAYA!!        I did it!!       Who did it??     Well, ok, me and the tech support.      Anyone surprised that it’s all purple-ish??       Anyone???

Alrightey then!        {rubs hands briskly together}         Onward to the quotes!!

Wait, wait, wait!!!         Oh my goodness!    What??        You forgot to give the rules!!       And so I did!        Thanks for reminding me!

Here we go!      Gotta get the legalese in there, ya know!

Rules of the challenge:

  1. Three quotes over three days.
  2. Three nominees each day (no repetition).
  3. Thank the person who nominated you.
  4. Inform the nominees.

 

(I already thanked Judy.    Now I gotta go do the hard stuff, of picking just 3 people!)

Can you guess where I’m drawing my quote from??  

 

slob, humor, purse

I LOVE the Scripture!! And the structure!!

You didn’t expect me to say purse, did ya??       Actually it’s from the Holy Bible, New Testament.

I’ve found it to be true, in my life, over and over again.     God is the God of the impossible!! He saved my soul from sin.    He baptized me in the Holy Spirit.    He delivered me from a spirit of fear.     He’s healed me many times!

 

Come back tomorrow, to see what says who??        Um, don’tcha mean “Who says what??”     Yeah, whatev.

 

I love quoting from the Bible!!

 

And my nominees are:

I hope you girls accept and have fun!       If not, no worries!!

(I promise I’ll tell them, as soon as this posts!)