Shink Shining

Congrats, Melinda!           What??    What for??          For starting out confusing us with once again with made-up words!        Oh, that.      Well, I do dearly love my alliteration, ya know.          We know, we know!!         Since I wanted to talk about shining the sink, sink had to become shink.      (I beg the pardon of all those who don’t speak alliteration.)

slob, humor, sink

The shink, uh, sink.

Anyway, I’ve been rethinking the whole sink shining thing, from Fly Lady.    I’ve been adamantly opposed to her methods.      Firstly, cuz I was lazy.     Fully dressed down to shoes and make-up ain’t happenin’, as I have clearly stated previously.       Secondly, I don’t wear make-up, almost EVER!!, and no shoes in the house, so, I literally CAN’T do her method!   (Not that I’m morally opposed to shoes in the house, I just don’t wear ’em.    I do NOT make my guests take theirs off and put on slippers!)      

slob, humor, barefeet

Toes, and shoes. Freedom! (At SF’s house. I don’t dare have wires like that out in the open!)

But lately, I’ve been wondering if her sink shining thing might, just maybe, have some merit.

Why’s that??          Well, you know the problem with roaches that I have.      


Yes, yes I do.     And I’ve noticed that they seem to LOVE to treat the shink, er excuse me, the sink, as their maternity ward.        Oooooh, okkkkay.        And exactly how does that relate to shining it?        Well, I wondered if I shine it, so that it’s dry all night, if that would slow down the birth rate, or maybe alter the location??

Hmmm, well seems to me the only way you’re gonna find out, is by trying it.

What??       You mean I should actually TRY it??          Uh, duh!       How else are ya gonna find out the answer to your question??          {stammers}     Well, I just really, um, kinda thought it was more rhetorical, really.

So, okay.     I dried out 1 side, so that the other, wet side could be the control.     Ya know, like a real scientific experiment, and all!!

slob, humor, dry sink

Dry as a bone.

And lo, and behold, when I got up in the middle of the night, the wet side was crawling with baby roaches, as usual.      And the dry side??       Wait for it!!            The dry side only had 1 roach in it!!    

I was amazed!!           So, what did we learn??            Well, that drying the sink would be worth it!         (But, I still won’t do it every night, I’m sure.        By bed time, I’m usually bushed!!        And just remember- Slob IN Recovery- not Recovered!  Yet!)

Summary:   Experiment was successful.      Follow thru is essential.

Paper Purgathon Paper

Okay, so Paper Purgathon Prep, was not so very much paper purging, as it was de-cluttering.   So, today we are gonna hark back to that day, and do the real paper purging.

slob, humor, challenge

To refresh your memory, here’s the paper piles, that were removed from the microwave, and counter.


So, I put 15 minutes on the timer.       And dove in.

            I reckon these might be important.

(Boy howdy, I LOVE these circles!!!        Why did it take me so long to discover them??)

slob, humor, VERY important!    So THAT”S why they sent me the cancellation notice!     I couldn’t figure it out, since I “Knew” I had mailed my payment!        eye roll

slob, humor, ooohhh I'm mad now!

ARGH! I’m so mad about this!! I just wasted 5 FREE dollars!!

slob, humor, trash    Yay for easy trash decisions!

slob, humor, meds

Good only until March. I have 4 days to use them, or die

slob, humor, flash cards

Yeah, I was planning to label stuff, to help PP learn to read. Hey, she’s not 4 yet, plenty of time!

Granny and my girls,                          Emily the only dog I ever loved, with my girls, and 1 extra!      The one in the middle is Kimmy’s BFF.                                             Melinda as drum instructor!       LOL      I love looking at old family pix!

 Yoo hoo!      Melinda!         Yeah?         Back to work!    You’re supposed to be purging paper, not mooning over old pix!        Oh, yeah, sorry.

slob, humor, knowledge is power

Self explanatory

Self explanatory???        Not by a long shot!        Well, you know I want to get married again.        Yeah.   And??           Well, knowledge is power, and I don’t want to repeat the mistakes of all my last 4 marriages.      Oh, ok. Good thinking.     I guess.        I just wondered if there was something you needed to tell us?!        Nope!      Not yet!       If/when there is, you’ll be the first to know!       (Being as how you’re in my head, and all.)

Alrightey then. now that we’re back on track.       The book went to my room, along with the pix.      And the important papers, and the word labels.

The Beall’s bucks were filed in # 13.      (I’m still steamed about that.)

I threw away some more papers, and then I was so exhausted, I stopped the clock at 5 minutes left.      I know I’m supposed to do a full 15, but hey, are ya really gonna come after me for 5 lousy minutes??

Catch me if ya can!!    

slob, humor, gingerbread man

“Catch me if ya can!” said the Gingerbread Man.

Declutterathon Day Dos

slob, decluttering



Aright, here we are to finish the Declutterathon day .

When we last left Melinda, she was agonizing over the decision of trashing or recycling the baby bib.   Let’s take a peek, and see what happened.

slob, clutter, trashed bib

YAY!!   She did it!!

We’re proud of you!

{mutters}   Yeah, yeah.    Where were we?

Sentimental clutter.

Must you keep rubbing it in??

Sorry.   Next item.

slob, clutter, daughter pillow   Oh, well, why do I still have this??   I made it, so I need to give it to a daughter!

But you have 2!   How are you gonna decide between the two?

Hmmm, good question!   Could I give it to Mama?   Since I’m her daughter??

[shrugs}   I guess, that would eliminate any further agonizing. 

Let’s do it!

slob, clutter, handmade prayer   Oh no!!   My Aunt Jessie made that for me!   It’s not going anywhere!!   

But it’s not framed or anything!

I’ll frame it.

[quirks eyebrow}   Will you really??

Yes!   I’ll do it right now!

But that would interrupt the flow of your de-cluttering mojo!

Then will ya give me a break??

Okay, we’ll check back in on this later.

AFTER the 21 days of the Declutterathon!

Oh alright, after it is.   Next!

slob, clutter, loomed potholder    What is that??

A hand loomed potholder, of course!

A what??

Aw, c’mon!   You’re as old as me!   You remember those little looms, where ya weave the loops.   And about ALL they’re good for is play potholders!

Oh, yeah, yeah.   Now I remember!

Ok, but who made it?

I dunno!   If you can’t remember, do you need to keep it?  

Well, sure!

Whaddya gonna DO with it?

Use it as a potholder, of course! 

{hmmph}   We’ll see!

Next!       slob, clutter, I don't even know what it is!    I don’t even know what it is!!    I remember Mama brought it back from one of her missions trips.    Maybe I can give it to PP, as a kind of maraca?

That’ll work.

slob, clutter, technology    Now this is interesting!   I thought you didn’t want PP to have screen time at your house?

I don’t!

Then why do you have books for her that read themselves??    Isn’t that screen time?

Uh, um…   Not really!

Come again?

It requires her active participation, to move the stylus across the page, so that it reads!

Uh, yeah, okay.   Whatever you want to tell yourself!!

slob, clutter, stupid paper    Now, THIS paper is totally STUPID!!    Why would I have kept the requirements for my teaching certificate, AFTER I already HAVE my teaching certificate???

Because you’re a hoarding slob??


{shrugs}    Just trying to help!

Easy decision- recycle.   Next!    slob, clutter, 2nd stupid paper     Oh brother!   Another stupid paper!    Why would I keep the letter of eligibility for my teaching certificate, AFTER I have my teaching certificate??

{Draws in a breath to answer}


Fine!   Ya don’t need to yell!

Recycle.    Hey, this is getting easier!     slob, clutter, sentimental book    Uh oh, did I say easier??

{nods head}

Well, of course I get to keep it, just like all my old diaries!    Whoever writes my biography will need all of them as research materials!    slob, sentimental clutter, diaries

{sarcastically}    Why, of course!   You’re an important personage!


slob, clutter, someone else's dvds     Oops!   These belong to Sandy.   And she moved to Georgia, about 6 years ago.   I see a visit to the post office in my future!

Whoa, we’re going great guns, but nowhere near finished yet!    But, I’m tired of talking.

What??    I can’t believe that!!

Alrighty then!   What I really meant to say was, I’m tired of typing!

Now THAT I believe!!

More Declutterathon Day Dos tomorrow!    Hurry back!

Hey WAIT!! 


Wasn’t today supposed to be the “dramatic conclusion” of Declutterathon Day?

Oh, right.   Well, we’re slow, and very verbose!   What can we say??



Queen Anne’s second day.

Queen Anne’s other Ladies-in-Waiting:

Grace, at The CFO MOM Blog

Jen, at The Hidden Hoarder

Barb, at DeclutteringtheStuff

Bi-polar Burden

When I was married to my first husband, he was forever and a day asking me if he was speaking to Melinda 1 or Melinda 2.   I never knew how to answer him.   “I don’t know!”   How could I answer him, when I couldn’t tell myself apart??    Which side of me was #1??   Which half was #2??

slob, sistersMaybe the problem was, I wasn’t me- I was my sister???    Oh wait, I’m 8 1/2 years older, we’re not twins.   So, that’s probably not it.    (Even though when we both had long blonde hair, we were often mistaken for each other!   Even now, when I’m fat, and have short gray hair, and she still has long blonde hair, we get mistaken for each other!!   People, people, people – pay attention!!   People who love purple all look alike, ya know!)   It happened just today!   (AND- she wears glasses!!)

Sometimes I’d laugh so loud, and unrestrained, I’d get shushed.   Other days, I couldn’t drag myself outta bed before noon.   And couldn’t talk, because it was more energy than I had to do so.

I definitely knew there were 2 Melindas, I just didn’t knew who was who.

I’d also act in completely contrary ways.   Sometimes, I’d be very affectionate, and loving, others I’d act cold, and hateful.   And “those times of the month” always heightened the intensity of whichever way the pendulum was swinging on any given day.

Like I said in Bi-polar Bear, I always knew I was different.  I just didn’t know why, or if I could be helped, or if I was just too weird to ever be normal.

In high school, I just embraced the “weird” persona.   I was the “crazy” girl who wore an Army uniform to school, since I was Sgt at Arms for my DCT club.  And chased a dude across the school grounds, because he refused to wear a tie- the dress code.   I tackled him, and drug him into the meeting, with that tie on!!   We were both outta breath, and the tie was a mangled mess, but he was wearing it!   I walked down the halls, reading a book, glancing over the top of the page, so I didn’t run into people.   I wore my prom dress to class.   I became a clown, to try to ease the pain.

slob, younger clown meslob, greedy me









  As long as I was laughing at myself, then I couldn’t notice that they were laughing at me.   It didn’t help that I had to wear knee length culottes, when everyone else wore gym shorts, (Due to my parents’ religious convictions).   Did they really think wide legged culottes, that slipped down to the top (bottom??) of my upper thighs when on the floor, were more modest than shorts???   (That one wasn’t thought through at all!!)   In elementary school, I had to wear dresses over my pants.   Thankfully, by the time I got to high school, they had loosened up enough to let me wear jeans, sans the over skirt!

Lots of things in my childhood contributed to the dissonance inside.   I had my private me, then I had public me.  And still public me didn’t always fit in.   I mostly felt like a very round peg, {I was fat most of my adolescence, until my senior year of HS, then I still felt fat} in a world of skinny square holes.

slob, younger tree hugger me I just looked fat, it was the shoulder pads, right??


And I loved school, and got great grades without having to study.  As you can imagine, that endeared me to EVERYONE!   NOT.

It’s a wonder I didn’t grow up to be a psychopathic serial killer!!    (Well, at least not in reality, in my mind I murdered people right and left.)

So, Melinda, Melinda, Melinda, who art thou??

I’m still trying to figure that out.   Relying on God helps.   If it wasn’t for Him, I’d never have lived this long.   I’d have followed thru with my suicide plans many decades ago.

So, if you have bi-polar, you aren’t alone.   It’s quite a burden, but try to reach out to others. There is help.  

And if all else fails, write a blog, and spill your guts for the whole world to see.


Bi-polar Bear

I think I’ve been bi-polar most of my life.   I just wasn’t diagnosed until my 30s.   Even when I was young, I’d think the strangest things, but when I tried to talk about them, I’d get looks like I had 3 heads.   So, I’d shut up, knowing I was weird.  And that I better keep all that was whirling around in my brain to myself, or else.   I wasn’t quite sure what “Else” was, but I knew it wasn’t good.

I was made to feel that I was out of step with the world.   That something was wrong with me.  I knew I was different, just not sure why.

One day I’d be happy as a lark, playing, and smiling all over the place.   The next, I’d be so blue, It seemed my world was ending.   Nobody else seemed to have such intense emotions, and extreme reactions.

Joining drama in college, and my first year after, was fabulous!!    I was TOLD to be an entirely different person!!    It was just what I needed!!   You are REQUIRED to be larger than life!

slob, drama

                            Easter play 1984.   I was Pilate’s wife.

As I look back on it, I’m not sure why I never was involved in drama before then.    After I married Ranch Man, I tried to join the drama troupe at a big church.   I was politely told “We don’t have many roles for middle aged women.”   And the very next Sunday, who was starring in the production??   A woman my age!!   BUT, she was NOT FAT.   Yeah, being mental AND fat made my life so very pleasant.    {Sarcasm carry thru there??}

Now, I’ve seen that kids as young as 7 have been diagnosed bi-polar.   How would that have affected my growth, and development if I had been as well??


Sometimes teaching helped, a little bit.  When it wasn’t driving me to another nervous breakdown.   (I had a total of 3 while teaching between 2005-2008.   That’s why I’m on disability now.)

slob, bi-polar, upside down day This bit of crazy was school sanctioned, because it was “Upside Down Day” at the Preschool where I taught Kg, in 1992-1993.   It was fun!   A little hard to walk, since the dress straps were between my ankles, but hey!   Anything for the kids!

Even now, some people can’t seem to deal with me.   “Sit down, and shut up” has been inferred many times.   “Quit being so dramatic about everything”  is another frequent refrain, ringing in my ears.   “You laugh too loud.”   “Stop being like that.”    “You can’t just let out a scream like that, we live in an apartment, there’s people all around.”   “This is church, restrain yourself, you’re singing too loud.”   “You’re embarrassing me.”    “You can’t dress like that, if you want to go with me.”   All this – even AFTER I grew up!!    I was an adult!

And I’m only being myself.   It’s not like I’m picking my nose in public!   I’m just talking to the waiter, like he’s a friend.   Or, waving to a baby, and making faces.   Or, asking for a Sprite with 3 different flavored syrups.  Or horrors, hugging my aunt/cousin/best friend in public!   How dare I??   Or squealing with excitement, when I’m opening a present.  Or wearing shorts without shaving my legs.

For awhile, several years ago, I just stopped feeling.  I stopped reacting.   I quit joking, or laughing in public.   Didn’t sing until I was alone in the car.   Why do it, when I’m just gonna be bopped on the head like Whack-a-mole??  

slob, bi-polar, thwack a vole

Exactly, except I was ALWAYS whacked, never missed.

I hated being me, and wanted to just die. Some people approved of me.  “You’ve finally grownup!”   “You’ve learned how to behave!”    “You aren’t embarrassing me anymore!”

 But then, they finally started asking me, “What’s wrong?   You don’t talk anymore.   That’s not like you.”

Well, duh!!   I wasn’t being me, because “me” was always wrong!   Easier to just exist, instead of trying to live.   Being constantly beat up, verbally and emotionally, takes a tremendous toll on a person.   Especially since I already had mental and emotional problems to start with.

Now I have a select few, very few, people I can be myself with.   But I can’t always be around them.   So, I have to modify  ( read- tone down  completely change) my behavior to suit the company.   And that’s a strain.   For about 6 months, last winter, I told my counselor every week, “I’m so tired, I’m just so tired.”   I wasn’t able to be myself, because my few people were too busy, or our schedules didn’t sync.   For whatever reason, I was having to sustain my modified behavior, without a break, to let loose and be myself.  Talk about bi-polar!   It feels like having to maintain a totally different, unnatural personality.   Like being in a straitjacket, and muzzle.  Yet, still expected to talk, and “Be normal”.

slob, bi-polar, straightjacket

 But, I don’t like me, when I’m like that.   I just want to be free to be me.

Is that too much to ask??

Cream Craving

Last week, I wrote about my begging for bars.   But, I didn’t tell the whole story.

Do tell!

Well, I had an inexplicable craving for them.  And, after I finally got my 2 grocery procurement specialists to understand what bars WERE, I kept asking for them.   To the tune of 5 dozen, in as many days.

slob, humor, ice cream bars

YAY! My own pic, finally!!

WHAT??   You ate FIVE DOZEN ice cream bars in FIVE days????

No, of course not!!   Don’t be silly!!   I shared.

Ummm, hmmm.   Exactly how many did you share??   I know you!

Well, uh, um, {stammer} about 6, I think.

About 6?  Or 6??

Well, let’s see, one for the grocery procurement specialist,

Don’t you mean 2?

No, 1 didn’t want any.

Okay, so that’s 1, 5 to go.

And uh, I let PP have some.

Again, I say, how many?

At least 3.

Okay, so that’s 4, not exactly 6!

Oh alright!  I confess!  I ate 4 dozen, and 8 ice cream bars in 5 days!

Melinda!!   That’s not good!

Oh yes, they were!!

Obviously, they contain a heretofore unknown essential vitamin or mineral, necessary for life!

Life in general??

Well, maybe MY life in particular!   Right now, for some unknown reason, I needed those  56 ice cream bars to maintain my health.   Emotional, if not physical!!

Then, on Monday, I asked for another box.  And guess what I got this time??  THIS:

slob, humor, fudge pops

Again, NOT ice cream bars!!

What a travesty!!   Did the guy learn nothing??   He claimed the store didn’t have any bars!   Really???

Whatever.   And he certainly didn’t tell me about THIS:

slob, humor, no sugar fudge pops

NOOOO!!!!! No sugar??? Hardly edible then!

No wonder I didn’t want another one !!   Sneaky Pete!!   Well, that was 1 way to stop me!!

Now. I’m sitting here, thinking, “I’m actually gonna have to go to the store MYSELF!!!”   Oh, the horror!!   Good thing it’s midnight, the closest store is closed, and I don’t have Vanronica!   My scooter ain’t gonna make the 10 mile trip to Publix!   (Then again, how do I really know, if I don’t try????)

Tomorrow is only a day away!!   Actually, morning is only 6 hours away!!   Maybe I can wait that long!!

Finally Fiction’s Food Finished

Finally!!   The quote challenge from Gary at FictionIsFood is finished!

But what was the problem?   Doesn’t everyone take 3 weeks to finish a 3 day task??

Uh, not really.   But it’s ok, Melinda.   You just do you.

Why, thank you!!

Today I’m gonna quote Brittany  Torrano.   I met her on my BBFFJ’s site, Mostly Blogging.   This quote was so appealing, I knew I had to steal borrow it!

“When you can, go for the WHY.  The why is an enticer. It’s the smell of fresh pastries from a bakery.”

insert pic of fresh pastries here   I would do that very thing, if I dared walk into a bakery!   So, here you have a pic of who-knows-how-many-years-old-pastries from Google.   Thanks, Google!   (Hey, I have a friend with a dog named Google!   Hi, Cindy D.!!)

slob, humor, pastries

courtesy of

(Where’s that smellovision when ya need it??   Of course, if they’re in fact years old, do we really wanna smell ’em??)

See “why” I had to use this quote??   Cuz I’m hungry, that’s why!!   Or else because I like you.   One of those 2.   (Gary, you have infected me with your ramblings!!)

Why didn’t I use the word “Why” in my headline??   Then my SEO would be sky high!  {I think.   I really have no idea how that works.   Even tho Janice has tried to tell me more than once.}

Now, where was I??   Oh yeah, avoiding the bakery.   No, that wasn’t it.   whirring sounds as mind desperately tries to think

Oh yes! Quoting Gary!   No,no, that wasn’t it either.   Visiting Cindy D.??   Never mind!   I’m headed to take a nap!

ahem   clears throat   uh, Melinda?


Do you think you could finish what you were doing, before the nap??   Ya know, sometime today??

Oh, oh yeah!   Of course!!!   I was just kiddin about the nap, anyways!

no, you weren’t

Okay, so I meant it.   Who’re you now, my nap monitor??

Anyways,  eye roll   the next 3 victims honorees are:




Have at it ladies!   Quote away!

Oh wait!  I forgot that Jenny couldn’t participate, (she JUST had a baby!!  What was I thinking???) so I need to tag 1 more person.  And because there wasn’t a rule to say I couldn’t, I pick Gary.   No tag backs!


Many Melindas

Why are you waking me up so early? I hate you.


Guiltily reading under the covers cuz I can.

I'm the boss of me.

I’m the boss of me

Omie as 3 d art piece.

Decorating Omie

Decorating Omie

Sister smells something!


Harried chef.


Chief cook and bottle washer.


Weeding woman.

Digging in the dirt

Digging in the dirt

Seamstress Sal.

Me sewing industriously

Me sewing industriously

Sibling rivalry instigator.


Dutiful daughter.

Dutifully eating the

Dutifully eating the “rotten” eggs.

Proud Mama, and Omie-to-be.


Spring Wardrobe from Anonyomous

Spring Wardrobe from Anonyomous

Happy Homeowner.

My Very First Place, All on my Own!

My Very First Place, All on my Own!





Aunt Jemima.


Taste tester.

potholder 009

Lazy Laundress.


Pooped partygoer.


Me, (YES, really me! 3 decades ago)

Me, (YES, really me! 3 decades ago)

I’m not really sure why we look so weirdly truncated, but I’m sure it has something to do with my (non-existent) photography skills.

I hope you enjoyed the many moods, and faces, of me.

New Year, New Me

New year, New Me


Bwahahahaha!  Oh, my stomache aches, what a belly laugh! (wiping tears outta eyes)

150103_021New year, new me is funny!

God’s not even done working on the “old” me yet, and I think I’m gonna be a NEW me?

oh, that’s a good one.

New year, same old me.

Hi, I’m Melinda, and I’m a Purple Slob.

I’m working on it, (at a snail’s pace, fer sure), but I’m not a Cleanie, and I don’t know if I ever will be.

But, I’m me, and that’s okay.


I admit, I’m addicted to Hoarders, and Hoarding: Buried Alive.

(Not my actual room, just  look a like).


My motivation to watch used to be comparing myself with them, so I’d feel better about my house.  Hey, at least I don’t have rats!!  At least I can see my floor!

Wait, NO! Don’t go in THAT room!

Okay, so I have 1 hoarded room.

But it’s all good stuff!  I need it!  Some of it I plan to sell!  What if I get rid of it, then need it again in a month?  Some of my books are out of print, and irreplaceable!

Sound familiar?? Yep, I use all the classic hoarder’s excuses.

But I don’t have a hoarding problem.  Nuh-uh.  No siree bob.

Not me.

Well, ….maybe me.      A little.      Some.

Let’s just face it.

Hi, my name is Melinda, and I’m a hoarder.

(Greek chorus) Hi, Melinda!

Thank God I don’t need a dumpster to haul away tons of trash outta my house.

slob, humor, dumpster

Lovely, isn’t it?


But remember back in the beginning, when I said I had 13 gallons of trash?  Yeah, and I still have the rest of the room to go through.  That was only from about 10 boxes .  sigh

So, admitting you have a problem is the first step in solving it, right?

I don’t expect a miracle cure, but inch by inch, it’s a cinch.  If you believe it, you can achieve it.  And every other little inspirational rhyme you can think of.

After a huge dose of Hoarders motivation; (I watched 3 in a row.  It’s just like passing a wreck, you can’t help but look!!)

Sunday  night


unloaded the dw

loaded the dw

scrubbed the wok

cleaned the baby’s sports bottles

and , hold onto your hats!!

scrubbed the double sinks!!

barefooted, in the kitchen, but not pregnant, Thank God!! That ship sailed loooong ago!

Tuesday I plan to sweep and mop while PP is on her walk.  We’ll see!




PS, I did it. Only  half heartedly, but I did it.  Hip, hip, hurray!