Romantic Roach Resort

{This is sort of a sequel to Roach Resort.      (But not really.)     A related post??}

Floyd Roach invited his wife Flora to a romantic resort getaway.    They were both worn to a frazzle, parenting their herd of 20 kids.        After securing a sitter, they took off, foot loose, and fancy free.

After driving a while, Flora exclaimed, “Oh look, Floyd!  Isn’t that a new hotel?  I don’t remember seeing that one before.”

slob, humor, new motel

Glancing over quickly, Floyd agreed that yes, indeed, that one was new.

“Let’s stop, honey!  We’re never spontaneous anymore!” Flora complained.

“Ok”, Floyd grumbled.  “But it will mess up all my carefully made plans.   But, if it will make you happy, then fine.”

“How romantic!”  Flora gushed.   “I just love it when you’re flexible honey!”


After checking in, and asking for the bridal suite,

slob, humor, concierge

with more “romantic” gushing from Flora, they made it to their room.    She stopped dead still in the doorway, causing Floyd to bump into her back legs, with the suitcases.

“What’s the matter with you?” Floyd groused.

“OH, FLOYD!”  Flora {you guessed it} gushed again.  “Look how spacious this room is!   How bright, and filled with light!”  

“Yeah, yeah,” Floyd mumbled.    Peeking around her shoulder, he gushed {would you have thought he’d gush??}, “FLORA!    Would you just lookit the size of that TV??    It’s gotta be at least 100 cm, if it’s a cm!    The game is gonna look great!”   He threw this over his shoulder, as he took a flying leap into the middle of the couch.     Landing with a plop, he somehow had the remote already in hand.

slob, humor, roach couch, TV

Flora was astonished to see such a feat of athleticism from her normally un-athletic husband.

“Floyd?”  Flora questioned.       “Hmmmm?”  was Floyd’s only answer, as he was already absorbed in a show.

“FLOYD!!” Flora yelled.     “WHAT??”  Floyd yelled back, without even turning his head.         

“This is supposed to be a romantic get away, not a telethon!” Flora complained.

Fuming, Floyd stood up, and took one step.      His feet stuck to the floor.      What’s this? he thought.      “Flora!      Come here and help me!     I’m stuck to the floor!”  Floyd commanded.

Sighing heavily, Flora took 2 steps inside the doorway, and her feet stuck to the floor!

“Now lookit the fine mess you’ve gotten us into Floyd Roach!” Flora fussed.          “ME??     You were the one who just HAD to stop and try this new motel.     Only now we find out it’s a tourist trap!” Floyd fumed.slob, humor, glue trap

“Well, now what are we gonna do??” Flora replied.       “Un-stick our feet, lay down and go to sleep, and forget this whole thing,” Floyd decided.

Alas, that was not to be.       Floyd and Flora were both caught in a trap, far stronger than their will, or ability to escape.      They were frozen in their polar positions, unyielding till the end.

The slow painful end.     Dying of starvation, they nevertheless continued to fight, until their last breath.

 

 

Farewell, Floyd and Flora.      You’ll be missed.  

(By your herd of kids, and the babysitter, if no one else.)

slob, humor, roach coffin  slob, humor, roach coffin

 

Roach Resort

Apparently I’m running a roach resort.   Or else, a roach nursery/ maternity ward.   I’ve never seen any actually born (hatched??), just the itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny ones, running around after their mommas, and the empty egg casings.    (None of them have been wearing itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny, yellow, polka dot bikinis either.    Well, maybe they were, and my eyes just aren’t sharp enough to see them anymore!)

slob, humor, roaches

1 Momma, several babies. I’m thinking her significant other is gonna want a resort refund.

Oh, if only I was getting paid for each!!   Can you imagine how filthy rich, I’d be!!

Emphasis on the filthy.

Now, you listen here.  I can’t help having roaches.   It comes with the territory of living in Florida.

Living in Fl, and being a slob, you mean.

Well…..  ok.  To tell the truth, having roaches is a consequence of living like a slob, in Fl.   Where even CLEANIES  get roaches!

But they don’t keep them, like you, do they??

Well, ummm…It’s not like I keep them as pets, or anything!!

Tell the truth!

Okay, you’re right.  If they see a roach, they immediately spray, and scrub till everything is surgically clean.

AND??

And, they never leave out food on the counters, or crumbs.

And they don’t offer deluxe accommodations, like you apparently do!   They don’t leave the light on either!   (like motel 5 +1.   ARGH!!    I did math!!)

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Side by side seaside cottages.  With a few guests on their way to check in.