Melinda’s M*riju*n*

Michelle, Sis, came to eat lunch with me last Wed.  While she was in the bathroom, washing her hands, she hollered called, “Hey!   Why do you have a m*riju*n* leaf in here??”    I yelled “WHAT???” as I ran walked semi-quickly in there.   She pointed to this:

Melinda's m*riju*n* leaf

Wow! Really?

She said, “Seaweed is all flowy, and curved on this curtain.   Do ya see any pointy leaves??”

OH NO!!!    I never gave it a thought, that it looked like m*riju*n*!!    I do remember looking at it and thinking, “Huh.   That’s weird, only 1 leaf, and all the rest fish.”

fish shower curtain hooks

There it is, big as life!

 

 

Now I GOTTA go get a new shower curtain!!   NO more delays!!   I can’t have people thinking Melinda approves of illegal stuff!     (Do you think it was a secret code??   Ya know, like those black lantern boys in people’s yards were a secret code for “This house is a stop on the Underground Railroad.” ???)     Whatever, time to get it gone!!!!     One shower curtain and hooks purge coming up!!

meme monday

I’ve been collecting these memes from Facebook for a while.

Now, I just gotta share!!

And, it’s Monday, hence the name “Meme Monday.”     Don’t expect this every Monday!!!!      I’m not starting a series or anything, here.

do all ironing in dryer

Is there any other way??

 

Jesus does not call us to be stressed

dishes all done! living room a mess

The fun of living with a toddler, or just having one visit her Omie!!

 

           (How perfect were those first two purple ones????!!!!!)

 

fat cat on bed trying to gather energy

Me- every day

 

three pot sizes too small too big the dirty one

Ain’t that the truth??

 

favorite exercise cross between lunge and crunch called lunch

Mine too!!

 

Well, that’s enough laughter for today.    Gotta ration that stuff, ya know!    You might get addicted!

 

 

 

Inspire Me Monday linky party

   www.mostly blogging.com

Hacked Hair

Decided my hair was just too long, again!   So, instead of going to the hair dressers, like normal people do, (or so I’ve heard), I got out my scissors, sat down, and went to town.

The next day, my aunts came over.   One of whom requested anonymity, and the other was Sherry.    (My besties can easily figure out which sister she is.   Sorry, if you don’t know me IRL, then you’ll just have to suffer the curiosity.    Hope it doesn’t kill you, like it did the cat!)

When they saw me, their gasps were so loud, the neighbor yelled “Shut up over there!”   {Maybe a slight hyperbole.   Possibly.}  

purple surprised face

courtesy of pixaby 

 

 

Where was I??   Oh yeah, they were shocked by the hacked up appearance of my hair.   IDK why, since Sherry has done worse to me!!!

So, after we ate lunch, gotta keep up our strength!!!   The aunt who-wants-to-remain-anonymous offered to use the scissors to try to even it out.    {It was BAD y’all!!!}  

almost completely bald head

This was after the pass with the first razor. Pitiful, I know.

 

That helped so much not at all, so with a sigh, she asked for a razor.    And I knew where 1 was!  Yay me!!    I’m loving this organized-so-I-know-where-things-are-immediately change in my life!!!    There is hope, and recovery for slobs!!!

Anyhoo, so she attacked shaved my head down to the scalp.   She did the deed in the dining room.    Oooohh, I love feeling the wind in my hair on my bare skin!    It’s quite a delicious feeling!   I highly recommend it, if you’ve never tried it!   {Truly tho, attacked IS an appropriate word, since she snipped my forehead once!   In her defense, they were horrible scissors!   Cuz I didn’t know where my hair trimming scissors were.   hangs head in shame   And of course, I found them when I went looking for the second razor!    Too late for my poor bleeding self.

completely shaved head of PurpleSlob

No, I don’t have cancer! (I know that question is coming. I got it ALL the time last time I shaved.)

 

Another bonus, I get to spend less time in the shower!   I was already spending a whole 20 seconds lathering up my short hair, so I can “shave” off that time!    See what I did there?   Now I’ll finally be able to get to that 1 push up I’ve been meaning to do, and just never could find the time!

No more gray for me!!   Haha, now I can save that zero dollars I was spending every month on hair color!

Good thing I have a prettily shaped head!

Agoraphobia Agony

Now, I’m not agoraphobic.   Thank God!   It’s nice to know there’s at least ONE disease I don’t have!   I have 99 problems, but that ain’t one of ’em.

But, I can and do sympathize, and empathize with how hard it must be for someone who suffers from that.   Or another serious medical condition.

Even with as simple as my medical needs are, sometimes it’s.just.too.hard.to.leave.the.house.

Since I was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, I always have my water bottle at my finger tips.   The other day, I forgot it, and I almost had a full blown panic attack!    Water is essential to maintaining my health.    (And yours too!)

my hand holding purple water bottle

There’s those giant man hands again!

(Note the purple initial Tervis, thanks Sweet Friend!!)

 

But, then of course that leads to the inevitable consequence, the constant need for potty breaks.   And that leads to the need for a tall potty, so I don’t hurt my knees.  

handicapped potty chair

Ooohh, love the handles!!

 

And a handicapped stall, so my fat butt doesn’t get stuck.   Seriously, it’s a concern.    One time, the stall door was literally so small, I could not go in.    Nightmare, anyone???  (BTW, I never went back to that restaurant.)   AND, my PTTPLSD  (Post-Traumatic-Toilet-Paper-Lessness-Stress Disorder)- What if they’re OUT????   {shudder}    Oh, the horror!!

So, some days, it’s just not worth all that hassle.

Not to mention, having to TAKE a SHOWER, and, FIND clean clothes!   OY VEY!   (Both of which require intensive amounts of positive self-talk to work up the umph to actually do.)

Found the perfect meme for this!

fat cat on bed trying to gather energy

Me- every day

 

So, if you’re ever in the neighborhood, and wonder why no one sees me for days at a time, I’ll be chained to the water fountain by my hands, and the other end will be chained to you-know-where.

dreaded doorbell deadline

Yesterday, (many yesterdays ago, now) I got a phone call.

rotary dial phone

(By candlelight, apparently)

“I’m coming over, be there in an  hour.”

4 sand hour glasses

So, I’m guessing each one is 15 minutes??

Panic! Only 1 hour get ready!!

panic face

Exact replica of my expression!

First time visitor! I want to make a good impression!  I haven’t seen her in over 2 yrs!

Nony calls it F.O.U.D.  Fear of unexpected doorbell.  Perfect description, and diagnosis!

Took a quick shower.

(No pix exist of this.  You’re welcome.)

Dishes-10 min or less.

dirty dishes in sink

5 min pick up was all I needed!  Had time to sit down for lunch.

Whew! So relieved in such good shape since blog.

Left floor- oh well. Visitable not perfect!

Relaxed and enjoyed visit.

But then she wanted to go in bedroom!

Nooooooo!!!!

Sigh. Oh well at least I made a good first impression!

Attitudeofgratitude_zpswzdoihpj

Quilting Quietly

Disclaimer: This is NOT a sewing tutorial.  It’s a photo essay to document my quilting project, for my former sister-in-law.  Hi, Sheryl!  See, I really am working on it!!  (The baby shower is in 7 days, and the quilt has to be done, and WRAPPED by 2 pm.  I totally can do this!  Oh, I did mention this is for my niece’s baby, right?  Oh, you figured it out by it being my former sister-in-law’s daughter’s baby shower?  Oh, okay then.  I’ll just take off my Captain Obvious name tag now.)  The reason I do not claim it as a tutorial is, I don’t feel qualified as an expert.  But, I will be more than happy to show you everything I know.  Just don’t be upset when you get what you paid for!!

I haven’t been able to sew since my wreck in Feb., due to my injuries.  Graciously, Sheryl agreed to cut out the squares, if I’d sew them together.  WE make a great team!

Here goes the pictorial proof of project in process:

already cut quilt squares

Sheryl did all this prep work.

big little squares

Little for the front, big for the back.

cleaning sewing machine

Important step: Clean the machine!

laying out quilt pattern

Laying out the pattern.

Sheryl requested the diagonal patterns.   I can’t wait to finish it!  It’s made of flannel, so in addition to being so pretty, it’s sooo soft for the baby!

making bobbin

Making the bobbin.

pitiful scissors

Pitiful scissors, but can’t find my sewing shears. Why doesn’t that surprise anybody??

singer scissors

But, Look! At least they’re Singer. Right Stella??

sewing in process

Aha! Finally some actual sewing!!

sewing 2 squares together

After sewing 2 squares together, Guess what??

Ya get to sew even more squares together!!!  Yoo hoo!

pink and yellow squares

Can you spare a square?
(Sorry, just HAD to!!)

sewing boo boo

This is what a sewing boo boo looks like. DO NOT ATTEMPT AT HOME.

1 strip done

1 strip, and done. NOT!!
I wish it was a micro quilt!
Not really, JK.

Now that I’ve made my pictorial proof, I need to get back home and sew up a storm!  Baby showers wait for no (wo)man!!

Floor Focus

I worked on the shower earlier- purging, not cleaning!  I gotta leave something for the maid to do!  {maid, that’s precious that I call myself that!}

Now the Floor, around the potty:

Left

Left

Right

Right

I’m sorry if it burned your eyes.  You were warned by the blog’s name, right?

Whew, not as bad as the actual toilet, though, right?

Now, I just gotta get up the gumption to :

1.  Move the t.p.

2.  Sweep.

3.  Use dustpan.

(Yes, I have to get VERY specific with myself!!)

This is not me.  But the broom, and dustpan are mine.

This is not me. But the broom, and dustpan are mine.  Did you notice they are purple??

(How can you tell this isn’t me?  This person has hair!)

4.  Empty dustpan.

5.  Put away dustpan, and broom.

Yes, they probably should be in the closet, but for now, this is their home.  That way I can always find them!

Corner of the Entryway

Corner of the Entryway

6.  Scrub floor.

{wipes sweat out of eyes, collapses in recliner, nods off….}

That was hard work!!  I probably shouldn’t tell you I had to take a 15 minute break between steps 1, and 2, huh?

Just kidding!  It was between number 3 and 4.

And here it is:

THE GRAND REVEAL:

Ta-Da!

Right Side

Right Side

I do not know what that brown stain is, but rest assured, it is not human waste!

(maybe rust??  a dead alien that assimilated itself to the floor????  All I know is, resistance was futile.)

Left Side

Left Side

Rats, I forgot about under the counter.  I’m too tired.  That’ll have to be next weekend,  week, month, year?

Much to-do Monday

Last Monday, I woke up at 7 am.  That is NOT my usual MO.  I usually drag up outta bed around 2 pm, unless I have an appointment.  Took my medicine, and did morning hygiene ritual.  Which unfortunately, did not include a shower.  If I had only known what was going to happen later, I would have taken the opportunity!

So, when I called my Mama that early, she was startled to say the least!  Then I called Sis, just so I’d get an “Atta, girl!” for being up with the rest of the world!

I started a load of laundry.

20150511_084801Wow! I have huge man hands!  Jerry Seinfeld wouldn’t date me!

Emptied the maroon recliner of its laundry.  (No, I didn’t fold and put away, just moved.)

Focus, here! We are celebrating my accomplishments!

Washed a pot, and the frying pan.

20150511_084353

Scrambled eggs, and ate with blueberries.

Washed the frying pan again!  (That’s huge!!  Washing the pan immediately after I used it?  Never occurred to me before now!  No, no, don’t look at the dirty dish still in the sink.  Accomplishments, remember??)

Filled ice cube trays.

Wrote this list to congratulate myself.

Carried dishes to sink, including last night’s salad bowl.

Read Bible, and prayed.

Switched load of laundry to dryer.

20150511_084922This time, I decided to leave my man hands out of it!

Took pix for blog.   Why, yes!  Coincidentally, these very ones!

Rewarded myself with reading.

Then DD1 called and asked me to watch PP.  Well, of course!  I’m not gonna turn that down, no matter how busy I am!  From 10:10-2:40, be super Omie, and get and give all the loves, hugs, and kisses I can squeeze in.

Went grocery shopping.

Re-read recipes, realized I can’t make cheesecake because I don’t have a mixer.  Cried.

Washed dishes, including the one in the sink in the pots picture, that I needed for supper, loaded dw with others.

Cooked supper.  Took frequent breaks to sit down, pant and gasp, and drink water.

Sis came and helped me finish up supper.

We, plus Brother, ate, and talked , and laughed.  (But they wouldn’t let me take any pix for the blog.  😦  )

After a little while, Brother went to bed, and then I kept nodding off.  Sweet Sis said she’d go and let me sleep.  And boy, did I!!  I was exhausted from my super busy, Manic Monday.

(The next day, when I told Sweet friend about my day, he asked, “Who are you, and where’s your pod?”  That’s a running joke with us.  I have been very, very lazy , except watching PP, for a long, long time.)

“She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eath not the bread of idleness.”  Proverbs 31:27  KJV

I believe there is hope for me to be a Proverbs 31 woman after all.

Let’s All Hit the Floor

Well, my plans changed rapidly Thursday night.  One minute I was in the shower, getting ready to go meet a girlfriend for a long awaited GNO, and the next, I was on the floor crying.

dorian 008

Yup, hit the floor, just that quick.  Yelling, crying, moaning, I was doing it all.

Hurting, and feeling like a dummy.  How many 53 yo women can get out of the shower all by themselves, without falling down?? Apparently, all of them but me.

Then, DH and DD1 were there, asking  me questions.

Purpleslob and husband

(Yes, my real husband. No, he wasn’t smiling during the event itself.)

Can you get up?  Ummm, that would be negatory.  Are you conscious?  I’m conscious of how stupid I am, so yeah.

Then, 911.  8 paramedics, EMTs, and firemen.  (No, not 8 of each, 8 altogether.)

emts helping someone

I know, quite a lovely butt shot.

 

All trying to figure out how to pick me up when my body was in the tiny bathroom, and my head was in the bedroom.  Once they moved the bed, they worked it out.  Back board, head brace, and me in all my glory.  Did I mention there were 8 men????  Thankfully, DD1 brought a sheet, so they covered me before taking me out the door.  Thank God for small favors!!

patient being carried on stretcher

050103-N-9951E-171 Aceh, Sumatra, Indonesia (Jan. 3, 2005) – Lt. Lisa Peterson, of Derwood, Md., center, Lt. Mark Banks, of Savannah, Ga., and two Indonesian Army personnel carry a patient on a stretcher flown-in by a U.S. Navy helicopter to a temporary triage site in Aceh, Sumatra. Medical teams from USS Abraham Lincoln (CVN 72), Carrier Air Wing Two (CVW-2) and the International Organization for Migration (IOM) set-up a triage site located on Sultan Iskandar Muda Air Force Base, in Banda Aceh, Sumatra. The two teams worked together with members of the Australian Air Force to provide initial medical care to victims of the Tsunami-stricken coastal regions. The Abraham Lincoln Carrier Strike Group is currently operating in the Indian Ocean off the waters of Indonesia and Thailand. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Elizabeth A. Edwards (RELEASED)

(You’re welcome for sparing you the ACTUAL visual.)

 

 

Made them stop so I could tell PP bye.  She was so worried, bless her heart.

Ambulance, about 90 speed bumps, it seemed.  ER. Finally a pain pill!!

Xrays, CT scans, another pain pill.

xrays of hands

Yes, they xrayed more than just my hands!

 

 

 

Nothing broken??  Are you sure, Doctor?? Cause I feel like I’m dying.

Gave me a script for pain pills, recommended ice, and Ibuprofen.  Put me in a wheelchair and sent me home.

patient in wheelchair

080628-N-9689V-001 NHA TRANG, Vietnam (June 28, 2008) Lt. Todd Hlavac, a staff nurse assigned to the Military Sealift Command hospital ship USNS Mercy (T-AH 19), assists a Vietnamese patients to his wheelchair aboard Mercy before being discharged to a local hospital. U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Joshua Valcarcel (Released)

 

Obviously, not me, since I don’t have black hair.   😉

 

When I got home, had to use my own walker from car to apartment.  Good thing I kept it.

Never did make it to GNO.

Next time I take a shower, maybe I need to be hooked up to a safety line.

Questions

 

I’m sure you have questions for me.  Since I’m not a mind reader, I only play one on TV, I’m going to pretend I know what they are.

Why haven’t I posted any cleaning updates since Thursday?

Ummm, because I haven’t written any.

Why haven’t I written any you ask?

That would be cuz I haven’t cleaned since Wednesday. (hangs head in shame)

Oh, wait! That isn’t entirely true!  Friday morning I wiped the Thursday’s spaghetti sauce off the stove.  The baked on UFO,

(unidentified funky other-glob)  Not so much.  That part IS entirely true.

And I bathed Pudding Pop. Hey, that’s cleaning!!

I even took a shower!! Again with the cleaning.  And just now I turned on the dishwasher.  So there.

Okay, next question:

Do I think I’m funny?  Well, I’ve been told I am. (looks down demurely while blushing delicately)

And not just by my sister, either!!

Am I really a slob? OOOOHHH yes! If you need verification, I can provide witnesses. Again, not just my sister, either!

Am I purple?? Weeeell, I’ve had purple hair at different points in time. 

PurpleSlob with purple hair

PurpleSlob, purple hair

 

 

I wear purple nearly every day.  My living room curtains are purple, as are my reading glasses, and my purse.  I even have purple towels!  Not convinced yet?  Well, I can tell you I’ve had purple marker all over my hands before, and it’s not a good look for me! But sadly, my 1 (teeny, tiny, itsy, bitsy) tattoo isn’t purple. It’s a strawberry.  The bunch of grapes was WAY too big!!  And I’m a big chicken!  Plus, I’m from Plant City, FL.  The Winter Strawberry Capitol of the World, sooo it all came together.   Why I have a tattoo in the first place is a story for another day.

strawberry

Next!

Did I write all my comments myself under nom de plumes?  Absolutely!  After all, who better than me to know what I want to hear.  JUST KIDDING! Relax, it’s not a college paper, sheesh

Do I call my grand baby Pudding Pop IRL? (in real life)

Only when she’s in trouble. HA! When she’s in trouble her name really is “NO NO NO NO!”  And she knows it well!

How do I come up with the ideas for the posts?  Glad you asked.  My head is 1 giant squirrels’ nest, full of nuts.  Sometimes, I go chasing around and around in there, and something falls out.  Voila, a post idea!

Callosciurus_finlaysonii_-_Finlayson's_squirrel_(variable_squirrel)

By Rushenb – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=33630799

 

 

 

How do I have time to do all this writing, when I don’t have time to clean???

Sorry, folks!  Time’s up.  Come back soon, ya hear?