Mothering Muwahahahas

Just like Mommy Muwahahahas, I think some of these are funny because they’re true!

slob, humor, mom meme

slob, humor, mom meme

 

slob, humor, mom meme

Oh yes!

slob, humor, mom meme

slob, humor, mom meme

slob, humor, mom memeslob, humor, mom meme

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

slob, humor, mom meme

slob, humor, mom meme

Works for me!

slob, humor, mom meme

Then I’m STILL a mom!!

 

Did you mop up your tears, of laughter, with your dirty shirt, Mom??          It’s ok!         We all understand!           At least you mopped!         Mark it off your to do list!           Now go take a nap!          You deserve it!

 

Second Seven Seconds Sequel

The series so far:

Seven Seconds

Second Seven Seconds

As you probably remember, I didn’t get finished with the living room in an hour.  Shocker.   Therefore, this sequel is needed.

The timer stands at 1 hour, 3 minutes.      And the tree is still up, and the recliner is still full of clothes.      sigh    

Yesterday, while the girls were here, I made sure I told PP that Christmas was over.     “Chwissmas obeh??”        Yes, Darling,  Christmas is over for now.        We will have Christmas again later, at the end of the year.           “Chwissmas obeh??”    she repeated, still in shock.       Yes, baby, it is.

So, I had her take the last 3 ornaments off the tree, and put them away in the tub.      I hoped that letting her do the final step, would help her transition from Christmas to “not Chwissmas.”

Time elapsed: 10 minutes.        She was a bit reluctant!

Then I had her help me recycle a stack of flattened boxes off the dining room table.     (Oops!       That’s not living room!        Well, it kinda is, so let it alone.)

Time elapsed: 30 minutes.        Why so long??        Well, we had to load the boxes into our arms.   7 minutes, because she wanted to hold ALL the boxes!    And she couldn’t, so after we she picked them up off the floor, we had to start over.      Then, I have to take the stairs slow, another 5 minutes.     Opening the recycling, and her putting the boxes in, 18 minutes.  Are you serious???         Yep!      She is very methodical about her work!      Each box had to go in separately.       Apparently they were singles, not mates.     (Box, not sox, Jen!)

Gwandma Wose came over to help me load the girls into Vanronica.      PP had to be sure and inform her that “Chwissmas  obeh, and Sanna gone.”

The timer is now up to 1 hour, 43 minutes.

And the call went out to my men.       I need help putting the tree away, guys!

Tonight, my trusty helper, SF answered the call!       He came, he conquered!        The Christmas tree is sadly packed away for another year.

slob, humor, no more tree

Another 15 minutes added on.      It would have been less, but he had to walk all the way across the WHOLE porch, into the workshop!       Poor guy!      His feet must have blisters on ’em now!

An hour, and 58.

Oh yeah! I almost forgot what Pop did!     He brought in the front door wreath, and entombed  buried  placed it in the storage tub.     1 1/2 mins.          I think we’ll just round up there!

 

Oh no!!!       We forgot to pack up the “angel” tree topper!!

slob, humor, "angel" tree topper       Please dear GOD let PP forget this by Dec!!!         Too bad, it’s trash now!!

Time: 2 hours on the dot!!      I knew it!      And we’re STILL not done!

Hopefully we will all survive the deprivation of Christmas, for the next 11 months!

The last tackle: the recliner full of clothes, or as I like to call it, “the clothes hamper in the living room.”       I want so bad! to just end the post now.      But, gotta get it dun dun.     (Anybody else hear Mama say “DO IT NOW!!”  ????)

slob, humor, clean laundry as decoration!

And, I hate ta tell ya this, but…          What?          You forgot something else.           What??           Look up.          slob, humor, "all the holidays" shelf

Oh, bother!   Well, that’s just gonna have to go with the dining room part!        Putting up the laundry is all I’m gonna be able to do this month  week   day  hour.

(Work, sweat, pant, huff, puff, stomp, hang, fold, put away…)

Only 11 minutes??     Are you kiddin me??         Wow, that’s amazing!         Just don’t let Shirley find out that you put the woven basket of hand-me-down clothes in the girls’ room to sort out later!              Shhhh!     Blabbermouth!

slob, humor, emptied!

There!!       Doesn’t that look so much better!        I culled out 3 items- 1 pr pants that were so tight, PP couldn’t even get her calves in- but they were 6x! Her size!       I know, I know!!   And a sweater that PPJr had to wear one day, as an emergency, but is too big!       And a 10-12 Christmas shirt.     They all went into the “Can these be worn later by a growing baby/girl?” part of my closet.

Final total for living room: 2 hours, 11 minutes.      (The clothes I stashed in their room will just have to go on their total!)

Time to reward myself!!       zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Cookie Chaos Calmed

The cookie chaos lasted WAY too long!!         WE (and by we I mean they!) made the cookies on Sat. Dec. 13th.

And the table was still a mess on Dec. 22,

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but I was supposed to have it cleaned up by Christmas, so I could have people over.    Sadly, I found out on Christmas Eve, that only DD2, the girls, and Pop Pop were coming, so I knew I had more time to get it clean!    (NO ONE should ever tell me that people are NOT coming!! It just leads to no good!!)

Wanna know when I FINALLY got it all cleaned up?      Fri. Jan. 6!     And then ONLY because we were FINALLY having our family Christmas at Mama’s!       (hangs head in shame)      I knew if I didn’t get Mama’s rolling pins, cookie sheets and cutters back to her, her head was probably gonna explode!

So, I washed all the cookie cutters.

And the rolling pins.    And the cookies sheets, and cooling racks.

slob, humor, clean cookie sheets

And the table.    

Ok, Pop Pop washed the table for me.    ANYWAYS, the table was washed.     Does it really MATTER who did it????

Yeah for a finally clean, and clear table!!slob, humor, cleared table

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I know the hearts, but they are glued on there, and I for one don’t have want to spend the time scraping them up!!

Bladder Blather

Coming to full consciousness, as I’m lying in bed, I think “Why am I awake now?       I don’t have to go potty.”         Suddenly my bladder speaks up.     “I’m the boss here, not you!     I say when you gotta potty, not you!      And as a matter of fact, you DO hafta go.     Right NOW!”       “You’re not the boss of me”, I retort.       “Oh yeah??      Take that!”          (immediate cramp)         Sir, yes sir!       (mutters under breath)       Bossy pants!     

slob, humor, bossy pants

This is the ONLY result I got for “bossy pants.” Can you believe that???

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I obediently jump creakingly get up and go, like an automaton.

For some reason, my bladder is a male.     ????      Don’t ask me!     I’m just reporting the facts!

slob, humor, Mr. Bladder

Mr. Bladder. He may be a male, but he’s still mine, so he HAS to be purple      (Oh wait, he’s not purple, just the pic.   Oh well, who has time for nit picky details like that??)  

slob, humor, body parts quiz

shutterstock.com

 

 

Am I the only one here whose body parts talk to them??

 

 

 

 

If I am, that’s not unusual.      I’m used to being a weirdo       sigh

When I get back, (Yes ma’am, I did flush, and wash.  I’m not THAT asleep!) I check the clock.      “Thank you, Mr. Bladder for letting me sleep a whole 3 hours this time!!”       I have to call him “Mr”, since he’s my boss!       No fraternizing!

I used to be woken up every hour, instead of 3, so I appreciate small favors!           Wait, 2 more hours of sleep at a time, isn’t a SMALL thing!       Ask any mommy!        My Dr. had to give me meds for that, to train Mr. Bladder to quit being so impatient!         HaHA!      Who was the boss then??!!

Enough bladder blather!         I’m sure you’re sick of this topic already!

 

slob, humor, Porky the Pig

blingee.com

 

Whew!     Thank heavens for small favors!

 

Second Seven Seconds

The second seven seconds is the family (living) room/dining room/entry.       Since my kitchen, living and dining rooms are all 1 big room, it might be hard to separate them properly like Ashley  Phipps does.     But, I’ll manage!   As long as I’m de-cluttering, and documenting it, I don’t think y’all are gonna quibble about which “room” I’m doing, right?? That’s what I thought.   Thank you!

 

So, I started in the living room on Jan. 11.      (I know I’m outta order, that’s just how I roll.) My Christmas tree still being up, helped me decide to start there.    

 

slob, humor, Chtristmas tree

Yeah, the tp in the foreground adds such a classy touch. XH brought in the storage tub, and I started emptying it out.       THEN, I even wiped it out!!Yoo hoo!!   There were all manner of empty boxes, and crumpled piles of tissue paper, some being actual tissues.      What??      I wasn’t about to run to the store for actual tissue paper, when I had tissues right there!      But maybe, just maybe, since I’m gonna have a neat, de-cluttered home now, I’ll do that from now on.          Not holding my breath.        That would probably be for the best.

I evaluated all the ornaments that I hadn’t used this year.     Most of them were glass, or ceramic.      Why didn’t I use them??     1 word-  1 toddler and 1 baby.     Okay, that was 5 words.      Whatever.

Anyway, I threw out all the scratched ones.     There went half!    

 I wrapped all the glass ones that weren’t sentimental, for donation.      Why??       Because PPJr is gonna turn into a toddler, and stay one for years!!

slob, humor, donation

The sentimental, glass and ceramic ones, like these that DD1 made as a child,

slob, humor, handmade ornaments

and this one that DD2 made,  

slob, humor, handmade ornaments

She made the present. I made the cross stitch 20 years ago with the others, but had finished this one!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wrapped up carefully and stored in the Tupperware box I already had for that purpose.

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Then I trashed the left over paper, recycled the boxes, and stripped the tree.     

slob, humor, ornaments(Oh, Tannenbaum, oh Tannenbaum, how evergreen thy branches.      Anybody else hear that music??)

All that hard work took me 30 minutes.     Making decisions is HARD!!

The actual tree was left standing for a helper to take down.    No, not PP, even tho I’m sure she’d manage to take it apart somehow , if I let her!    

Now, I only have 30 more minutes to de-clutter the rest of the living room.       We’ll see!

Oh, wait!    I almost forgot the 10 minutes I spent taking down the cards, and all PP’s decorations!        (And trashing them, much to my own satisfaction!       I was very proud of myself for not keeping them!        I did mark down who the cards were from, first.         Yikes! I only have 20 minutes left now!

See??      I knew it would take me more than an hour!!

Another 15 minutes on the clock, to deal with all this mess.

It only took me that long to deal with it, AND sweep!! Woo hoo!         Boy, am I getting good at this, or what?!

Hey, before you break your arm patting yourself on the back, you seem to be forgetting something.  What??       Oh yeah, I still have this left to deal with.                 And this:

slob, humor, pile o' clothes                                             slob, humor, clutter

Well, we’re already 55 minutes in.        But, okay, okay, more time on the clock.

But I don’t feel like doing those right now.      (Looks around to spy something else.     Anything else!)       Aha!     The china cabinet!

slob, humor, all clean    Nope!   Nothing there!     (I looked!)    YAY!!

Hmmmmthe chest of drawers, even tho I know there’s nothing in there I can get rid of.     But as Dana always says, Don’t assume!       Look anyway!       So I did.       Lo and behold!       All this can go!!

slob, humor, donation stuff                       slob, humor, why????

For pity’s sake!!      Why did I have a bloody candle????         I think you were gonna paint it purple?     And you only paid 5 cents on clearance.        Yeah, that would explain it, but obviously that ain’t happening!

Clearly I had NO idea what-n-all was in there!      WE have eleventy hundred videos, so I’m quite sure PP will never even notice the lack of these.     And I have no candle holders for the tapers, so……

Now I have a nice, fat bag to donate.     And that was only 8 minutes.      The total is up to 1 hour, and 3 minutes.     And I still have those 2 piles to go.     sigh    Another day.      I already did my few dishes this morning, now it’s nap time!!

Several more seven seconds to come!

Girlfriend Giggles

Why do I think this crazy girlfriend is funny??       Well, she makes me giggle!        Maybe because I used to be her??      Nah, that can’t be it!

slob, humor, crazy girlfriend  slob, humor, crazy girlfriend  Needy much???

slob, humor, crazy girlfriend                                    slob, humor, crazy girlfriend

slob, humor, crazy girlfriend

  EEK!

slob, humor, crazy girlfriend

  Bwahahahaha!

slob, humor, crazy girlfriend

 

 

slob, humor, crazy girlfriend                                                      slob, humor, crazy girlfriend

slob, humor, crazy girlfriend

She had prayed for a sign. (I may or may not have resembled this remark, in my younger days.)

There’s your dose of funny crazy fun for the day!!     Always helps to start off the day laughing!      Now you don’t need to work out, since all your muscles just did!

 

Katie’s Kindness

Kind Aunt Katie’s one of my favorite aunts!!       Only one of, tho, since I have several, on that side of the family.    ( Not naming the other side today, we ain’t got time for that!!)     Aunt Sherry, of the porch, Aunt Cathy,( Katie’s twin), Aunt Minnie, Aunt Diane, and Aunt “The One Who Shall Remain Nameless” that shaved my head, when I messed it up the last time.

Katie’s kindness, and sweetness, are trademarks of hers!

I always buy her a Christmas present, of some sort.      For a few years, it was a $10 Walmart card.       On the lean years, it was only a tube of Cherry Chap Stick.      

slob, humor, cheap gift

But it was the thought that counted, she always insisted!

This year she surprised me with a $25 Outback card!!!    Wow! Blew me away!   I love that woman!!

slob, humor,                             slob, humor, surprise!

I was so surprised, I was speechless!      (How often does THAT happen?????)

Now, I have to carefully plan my menu…

A GF Chocolate Thunder from Down Under for sure!!!

slob,humor, GF dessert

2 spoons?? I don’t think so!!!

 

And an $11 steak special!!            The big question,  “Will I have enough left over for a cherry Sprite???”

slob, humor, steak special      slob, humor, drink

                           Oh brother, there I go slobbering on the keyboard again!