Anathema Anthem

My good friend Susie said that washing dishes was anathema to her.     (Don’t you love that word??)

My immediate response was, “Don’t worry, they don’t like it either!”

So, then I started thinking,  “Hey, I wonder what dishes DO think about it?”

Are they just chillaxin in old sweats?  (Can we agree if mold’s growing on it, then it’s old??  and stinky like sweats?)

Then unceremoniously slammed into hot, soapy water, bubbles filling their noses, being boiled alive!!        WHAT THE HECK????

UGH.

“Hey, oh! Hey!  I’m being scalded alive here!”       I can just hear them shout, loudly!!        I’m quite sure you could hear it too, if you attune your ears to their distress!

Sorry plates, and bowls, gotta do what a slob’s gotta do!!         Maybe next time I won’t wait so long, and then it won’t be such a shock to your delicate ceramic!!

Dang it Dan!

Today I just want to brag that all the dishes are clean!!   YAY!!   Aren’t we ALL proud of me??!!

Here’s proof.

All done done! Notice the pink bottle and sippy are clean now too!!

 

See?   Even the sink is empty!

Nice empty sink. Shine, schmine.

 

clears throat

I hate to burst your little bubble, {See what we did there?} but may I ask what is that???

points to purple cup

 

quickly deflated

Oh.   tears in voice   Well, dang it Dan!!   I really thought I was all done for once!

Now I remember!   I couldn’t get the lid off with wet hands, cuz I screwed it on so tight!   So, ya see, it isn’t my fault!

And so it’s the cup’s fault??

Yep!  I’m glad you agree!

Maybe next time…

Here’s hoping!

 

 

Ugh..Ugh…Ugly

Ugh.   Just  Ugh…

There are no words.

UGH.

 

Ugly, ain’t it??

 

How oh how could I let it get like this again???   I know better!   I’ve been doing better!

No words, but lots of excuses...

I’ve been watching the grands a lot.

I’m tired.

I’m too busy.

I’m on a deadline here, with Kim’s Kwilt, remember???

It’s only a few day’s dishes...

But I filled the oatmeal bowls with water to soak…

No time now, gotta go…

 

So, okay.   suck it up, buttercup.   Just DO it!

Ding! Round 1

 

There.    That looks a whole lot better!

 

Uh huh, but what about this???

Oh, I guess I’m not done, huh?

Yeah, about that….

huff

Fine.

flounce

Almost, but not quite.

 

1 final excuse….        I don’t know if I have another bottle brush…

And ya can’t look?

No, cuz it’s under the sink, if I have one, and I can’t bend over that far, without clunking forward on my head.

Uh, huuuuh.   Well, since we don’t want to be responsible for you cracking your head open, and bleeding to death, we’ll let it go for now.   But you better figure it out!   We’ll be back to inspect!

 

So close!!

 

 

 

 

Third Timed Tidy

Third time does it!   Worked out that way this time!!   FINALLY got the ding dong kitchen cleaned up!   (For the 95th time.)

I might as well just admit it, being a slob is my life style.     What???    Melinda, we’re shocked!    NOT!!

It’s my worst nightmare.    Dirty dishes, again!!    And they multiply in the dark, just like hangers!    And single socks!

Anyway, here is the (beginning of the) end result of the THIRD Timed Tidy:

Love to see those gleaming clean dishes!

{Isn’t that funny- I hate them when they’re 18 inches to the right, but as soon as they’re clean, I love them again!!     Am I a bad dish mommy???)

 

Then, I put this in the sink to wash.

Why, oh why am I keeping this???

 

And why??   It cost $1, and has been sitting here dirty, adding to my dirty-dish-need-to- clean-it-up low level anxiety since Feb. 20!!    And why??     It’s cracked!    And it costs a DOLLAR!!

So, I paused to think, for a nano second, and made an executive decision.   Buh-bye tray, you have overstayed your welcome!!

In the can you go. Good riddance!

 

AAHH! A clean counter at last!

 

How beautiful is that!    A clean counter!!

So, have we learned our lesson, Purplelinda??     How are we gonna keep the kitchen spotless like this in the future?

Ummm, eat out all the time??   Never eat again period???      Become a pod person??    Use paper plates, and plastic forks??   {Claremary is really lobbying hard for this one.}

We’ll see if I’ve learned my lesson, and always keep the kitchen clean, from this day forward.   {Spoiler alert:   I doubt it!}

Timed Tidy Two

Okay, so I started with Timed Tidy.     And I told you the rest of the story would come later.    So, here it is: part two.

I started at 12:59 pm, Saturday afternoon.   I washed a drainer full of dishes.

Ta-da!

 

(Well, okay, not exactly a drainer full of dishes……)

 

 

 Cleaned out some containers for recycling.   Took a potty break (hey, I’ve had 2 kids, if you’re a mother, ya know what I’m talking about, amiright??)    De-cluttered the counter top, by dumping out some nasty drink, from the Valentine’s party.  

EEWW!! Care for a beverage, anyone?? No?

 

 

 Put away stuff where it belongs.    Yes, some stuff DOES actually have homes!   Shock, shock!

 

It only took me 23 minutes, including taking the pix.    Now, really, 23 minutes is not long.    So why does it take you so long to do it, huh, PurpleSlob????

Oh yeah! And I cleaned the stove too!     Okay, Okay, I wiped the stove TOP.    Confession is good for the soul.

But, you guessed it, I’m still not done!    So, look for Third Timed Tidy any day now.    Just please, don’t hold your breath!!

Timed Tidy

Dishes.   Again.   sigh

Starting point for Timed Tidy.

 

Won’t they ever go away???    Well, depends, Melinda.   How often do you plan to eat in the future??

This time, I timed how long it took me to tidy the kitchen.    Tidy sounds so much more fun than clean!!    Doesn’t it??

Well, Actually I timed how long it took me to do a drainer full of dishes.   Can’t do it all in one day, I might give myself a stroke!!   Then where would y’all go for your daily dose of purple crazy???  See, I’m pacing myself for y’all!!!   Ain’t I considerate???

 

So, here is the result for 1 sink full of dishes.

First load. (Pretending I have a dishwasher!) I do- me!!

 

3 minutes.   Wha????    Really??  THREE WHOLE minutes???   Wow, I’m a speed wash champion!!

But, that didn’t take into account the FIVE minutes it took to clean out the plug thingy for PP‘s sippy cup.

Sippy cup thingy that stops it from leaking. What DO ya call it??

 

Those suckers are horribly hard to clean, if ya don’t rinse them out right away!    And how applesauce (looked like)  got in there, I’m really too afraid to ask!   Just clean it, and move on!

Toothpick full of gunk from the sippy strainer thingy.

 

{Sorry it’s so blurry.   I have yet to perfect my photog skills.    Maybe for my 5 year blogaversary, I’ll take a class????   We can only hope!!}

 

 

I had to use 2 toothpicks, and much patience, and lots of rinsing to pry out all the gunk.   I hope I got enough out to keep her from catching salmonella and dying!!   Please God!

So now that I can reasonably assume it’s safe once again for PP to drink outta her own cup, I need to get busy on the rest of the kitchen counter.  

 Aww, who am I kiddin??    EIGHT WHOLE minutes of real work wore me out for today!    {That’s on top of having PP all night, and her being awake from midnight to 4 am.    I thought they started sleeping thru the night sometime???? }    And it being Daylight Savings, and making it to the late service, stopping at the store for strawberries, and her obligatory apple  (thank goodness she still thinks they are the best treat ever!!).    Then going back to get her at 6pm, due to an emergency with the neighbor, {she’s fine, thanks}, not being able to get back in when we got home, due to the porch lock falling out into my hand when I tried to open it, waiting for XH to come and figure out how to let us in, {he went thru the workshop door, which I NEVER lock, thank GOD!!, and opened the door, by beating on it or something.) feeding her supper, giving PP a bath and washing her hair, taking her home at 10, after convincing her that YES, you have to wear clothes, AND shoes!! whew! I’m re-wearing myself out again, just typing all this! 

Anyway, so the rest of the story will come later….  Stay tuned!!

Update:  Shirley, my sweet sis, told me that sippy cup thingy is called a “valve”.   Thanks, Sis!

Publix Pilgrims

I know, I know.  Thanksgiving was a week ago, already.  But, clearance sales have me thinking about it again already!!

Publix is my favorite store!!   If you don’t have them where you live, I am so, so sorry.   They are only the best grocery store in the world!!!!  First of all, because they are a home town store that made good.  Second, they have EXCELLENT customer service!!  They even followed me around pushing my buggy one time, when I was on the electric scooter, and was buying more than the little basket could hold.   Third, when they have BOGOs, and there is a manufacturer’s coupon, AND they have a store coupon- MAGIC happens!   One time I got a whole cart of groceries, and they PAID me $10!!!   That high lasted a long time!!

Ok, back to my topic, Thanksgiving.  I bought a Pilgrim platter,

On each side is a Pilgrim, 1 guy, and on the other side, the girl.  So cute!  And matching salt and pepper shakers:

Uh oh!  She turned her head, looks like she’s mad!  Burnt turkey in the Pilgrim household tonight!

This year, they even came out with the kids’ set, “The Lilgrims”!!!  That is just too precious!!

 

Look, the girl’s a redhead!  Reminds me of PP, when she was born!!

Okay, now you know what’s gonna be on our table next year!   If you live near a Publix, and don’t have these, run! don’t walk! to get your own!  The salt shaker sets are half off, and the platter was 66% off!!!!   Going fast!

Your table scape will thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

dreaded doorbell deadline

Yesterday, (many yesterdays ago, now) I got a phone call.

(By candlelight, apparently)

“I’m coming over, be there in an  hour.”

So, I’m guessing each one is 15 minutes??

Panic! Only 1 hour get ready!!

Exact replica of my expression!

First time visitor! I want to make a good impression!  I haven’t seen her in over 2 yrs!

Nony calls it F.O.U.D.  Fear of unexpected doorbell.  Perfect description, and diagnosis!

Took a quick shower.

(No pix exist of this.  You’re welcome.)

Dishes-10 min or less.

5 min pick up was all I needed!  Had time to sit down for lunch.

Whew! So relieved in such good shape since blog.

Left floor- oh well. Visitable not perfect!

Relaxed and enjoyed visit.

But then she wanted to go in bedroom!

Nooooooo!!!!

Sigh. Oh well at least I made a good first impression!

Rare Rabbit

No, it’s not rare to SEE a rabbit, at my house, but I’ll get to the rare part in a minute.

There I was minding my own business, actually DOING my dishes for once!  When I look up, and see a rabbit out my kitchen window.

Yes, the real rabbit out my window!

He just sat there, frozen.   (Please don’t burst into song now!!)

I thought, “Well, is he okay?  Is he a little rabbit statue?”

But, he turned his head, and I swear he looked RIGHT at me!  And sat that way for about 5 whole minutes.  Then, he hopped a little way, turned his whole body, and sat THAT way for another 5 minutes.  I was torn between just watching him, enjoying the sight, and running to get the camera(phone).  If only I hadn’t had to stop to get dressed, I’d have made it outside in time to get a Good pic of him!(her??)

(This pic is pretty good, only because I cropped it and blew it up!  It was TINY.)

That wasn’t the rare part, that I wasn’t dressed,it was rare that the rabbit sat still so long!   Have you ever seen a wild hare sit still for 10 minutes??

Dishes, Dishes, Dreaded Ding Dong Dishes

Man, you think I’d be done writing about dishes!  Ah so, ah no!

This past weekend, I had PP.   I love having her so much!

But: she wears me out!  I tend to her, and (maybe) get a bath too, but that’s it!  No cleaning, dishes or laundry on her watch! lol

So, when she left Sunday night, and there was a full sink of dishes, did I jump in there like a good lil housekeeper, and do ’em all up?

Yeah, right!  If you’ve been here very long, you know the answer is a resounding NO!

Anyway, there sat the pitiful, but still pretty!, dang dirty dishes.

BUT!  to rejuvenate, first I had to sleep 12 hours.  Yes, I sleep 12 hours, and your point?

When I came into the kitchen to find food,  there they were, staring at me, mocking me:  “Purple Slob in Recovery, huh?  Recover this!”

Ooooohhh, I despised them at that moment.

So, I did what any good slob would do, I ignored them, and ate my breakfast.  (A non-dish-requiring breakfast of fresh blueberries, outta the container, and a cheese stick.)

no dishes needed

Then, s l o w l y, I dragged myself back into the kitchen, and confronted them.

“You’re going down, today, Sassy Pants!”

So I organized them, dumped the contents, re-arranged them, alphabetized them…..

And after starting to think I might actually have to DO them, I caught myself.  Wait!  I’m a slogger!! (slob-blogger for you new followers.)  I HAVE to take pix for the blog!!

So, I stretched that out as long as I could….

Here they are stacked nicely, sorta….

Okay, fine!  I’ll do the dishes!  But only so they can’t mock me anymore!